Time flies shortly and now I am receiving my award as a Magna Cum Laude in Civil Engineering. I got teary eyed when I walked to the stage and delivered my speech. I just can't believe that I'll be able to graduate without getting pregnant. Wow. Just kidding. Of course I still want to achieve my dreams before settling down no.
Malakas na palakpak ang ginawad ng mga kamag-aral at mga kaklase ko syempre mas malakas at may kasama pang hiyawan iyong mga naging ex and flings ko. Naging supporters ko na nga sila ng tuluyan dahil may pa banner pa. Langya!
"Congratulations Love I'm proud of you." He said and kiss me on the lips. I smiled at him. Yes, Nathan and I are still going strong, at yes siya lang ang umabot ng isang taon at kalahati. Good for him at natagalan niya ako, well as I said naman before hindi ko siya kino-control. Our relationship can be labeled as "chill".
Of course we argue sometimes and have misunderstandings but we make sure to settle it before 24 hours end. And yes we slept together already. Manytimes actually. Also I think my heart can't stop beating fast when I am near him. The feeling was new to me because I haven't fallen in love with someone before.
Gosh! Did I just said that I am in love with him?! What the f*ck is happening to me?! Mara should know about this para matulungan niya ako if ever we broke up and I will get wasted. The f*ck! I am doom b*tch!
My parents were cool about Nathan, in fact my father loves him. Tsk! He's obsessed with my boyfriend because finally daw may magiging anak na siyang doctor. Duh excuse me may balak pa 'ata kayong ampunin si Nate. Naku no!
As for his parents, well I can say his mother is very strict yet elegant. Mayaman e. But his father was opposite though, he's nice. Nathan's sister was like a version of his mom.
Everything was smooth, not until after my board exam. I didn't waste any days and I take the exam one month after my graduation kasi para hindi ko malimutan ang mga naturo noong college. One month is enough for me to study and review everything since nakapag aral na naman ako in advance noong college.
I got home safely, Nathan was busy being a resident doctor in their own hospital. I just sent him a message before going to bed. I am exhausted, my brain is so drained. So I slept early that night. Then morning came.
"W-what... huh... the... aackkhh... fuck... aackkhh ugh!" Shit! It's only 5 in the morning and guys please stop being green. I am vomiting okay? I am not having s*x if you think that's what I am doing.
Fuck! Why can't I stop vomiting? Puro laway lang naman yata ang nasuka ko. I feel like I have a constipation or diarrhea dahil ang weird ng feeling sa loob ng tyan ko. The heck!
Hinihingal na napasandal ako sa sink sa banyo. What is happening to me? I look myself in the mirror. Okay screw studying I am literally having the biggest eye bags in my entire life. Ang itim pa nito, langya bakit ba kasi nakalimutan kong mag skin care routine kagabi?
My face is still pretty though but really I am not feeling well today. Baka hindi ako maka-uwi sa condo namin ni Nathan. I want to sleep all day. Gusto kong matulog at kumain ng buko na may chocolate syrup. I think that would be so yummy naglalaway na ako iniisip ko pa lang iyon.
Hindi ako lumabas ng room ko buong araw, hinatid nalang ni mama ang pagkain ko kase sabi ko masama ang pakiramdam ko. I was craving for buko with choco syrup kaya nagpabili siya kay Kuya. Everytime she went to my room she would look at me suspiciously but the weird thing was she didn't gave me medicine even if I ask her.
I only received 3 messages from Nate saying he was busy and that he already ate. I left him a message saying that I can't go back to his condo because I am not feeling well, I sent the message at 3:00 pm, it's already 7:30 in the evening and I still didn't receive a reply. I understand though, he's busy.
"Elizabeth." Kumatok si mama sa pinto at pumasok. Nakabaluktot ako sa kama habang nakabalot ng comforter at nanonood ng movie sa Netflix. "Ma, bakit po?" Sabi ko habang nasa laptop parin ang tingin, naramdaman kong umupo siya sa paanan ko.
"Subukan mo nga 'to." May inihagis siya sa tabi ko na kung ano kaya tinignan ko iyon at kahit hindi pa ako nakakagamit nun alam ko na kung ano ang bagay na iyon. Napatingin ako kay Mama na may gulat sa mata. Pucha hindi pwede!
"Ma hindi ako buntis, masama lang po talaga ang pakiramdam ko ilang gabi din po kaya akong stress sa pag re-review. Hindi ko po gagamitin iyan." Sabi ko at tinulak pa ang tatlong carton na naglalaman ng pregnancy test kit. Kaso tinulak niya ulit sa akin kaya wala akong choice kundi ang subukan at ipakita sa kaniya na hindi ako buntis. Duh bakit naman ako mabubuntis eh nagpi-pills ako?
After several minutes lumbas ako ng banyo dala dala ang tatlong PT. Ibinigay ko iyon agad kay Mama at hindi tinignan. "Ayan Ma ha. Hindi po ako buntis. Chill ka lang diyan hindi pa kayo magkaka-apo." Nakangiti akong sumampa sa kama at nanood ulit kaso si Mama napako ata sa kinatatayuan at hindi maka-alis. Nang tinignan ko siya namumula ang mukha niya at mukhang naiiyak.
" Ma?"
"Mali ka. Magkaka-apo na ako Elizabeth." Humagulgol siya ng iyak pagkatapos niyang sabihin iyon. Dali-dali akong bumalik sa kaniya at kinuha ang mga PT.
Takte! Dalawang linya lahat! Fuck! Hindi pwede, no it can't be! No. Parang huminto sa pag-ikot ang mundo ko. Nabingi ako at kahit gaano kalakas ang hagulgol ni Mama hindi ko na siya narinig. Hindi ko rin nasagot si Papa at Kuya ng sabay silang pumasok sa kwarto ko.
Then it struck me. I wasn't able to take pills for a month dahil hindi ko na iyon naalala because of stress and the worst part was Nate and I had s*x within those weeks. He doesn't use protection dahil nga nagpi-pills naman na ako pero that time I forgot. B*tch you are doom.
They left my room after that. Walang sinabi si Papa at Kuya, ganun din si Mama na humihikbi pa. They all gave me a glance but I didn't look back at them. I turned off my laptop at napatingin nalang sa ceiling.
All those sleepless nights, the certificates and the exam. Parang nawalan nalang ng halaga bigla. Hindi ko alam ang mararamdaman ko, naiiyak ako dahil taena napakarami kong ginawa para lang maabot ko ang pangarap ko at pangarap ng pamilya ko pero dahil lang sa katangahan ko parang nawala iyon na parang bula. Alangan namang magtrabaho ako ng buntis at malaki ang tiyan diba?
Sa lahat ng kagagahang ginawa ko sa buhay ito na ata ang karma ko, langya! Oo nga blessing itong batang nasa loob ko, kung meron man pero sayang e. Iyong oras at panahon, iyong pagod lahat lahat parang nawalan ng saysay.
Ang masaklap pa ay kung tatanggapin ba 'to ni Nathan at ng pamilya niya, e kulang na nga lang ay sabihin ng Mama niya sa mukha ko na hindi ako karapdapat sa anak niya. Takte naman kase! Apaka bobo mo Elizabeth! Tanga ka! Gaga!
Nang gabing iyon hindi ko alam kung paano ako nakatulog, basta ang natandaan ko ay iyon ang ka-una unahang beses na nakapagdasal ako ng mataimtim. Ewan ko nalang kung ano ang mangyayari sa akin, bahala na ang Diyos sa kung ano man ang gusto niya para sa akin.
