LOST (Yoongi ff)

1. Rainy Blue

Ano koro no yasashisa ni tutsumsrete omoide ga. It's a rainy blue, it's a rainy blue. Yureru kokoro nurasu namida. It's rainy blue.    Loneliness

I press the headphones harder onto my ears trying so desperately to zone out of reality. But I could still hear every single word even though it was a mixed mess with my quiet sobs and hiccups.

"This is all caused by your selfishness and you'll never be at peace with yourself. You are the very reason we drifted apart." She yelled out loud as more quiet sobs escaped my mouth.

Baffled by her words I could see the raging hatred in her eyes. Hatred that she hid her entire life. Hatred she tried to deny herself. The hatred that was directed towards me. Who'd ever want to admit of hating their own daughter?

Curled up into a ball in the corner of a dark narrow corridor was the twelve-year-old me. Biting on my arm as I couldn't afford my loud sobs to be heard, contemplating what I could have done differently to avoid this from happening. Wishing nothing, nothing but death for myself. As if my sudden disappearance would teach them a lesson. Because I was certain they'd regret their words and mourn me afterward. They'd have to, right?

But I was wrong.

They made a 12-year-old young girl believe her entire life how it was all her fault when it wasn't. How it was her responsibility to keep her family together, to hold her parents together when it wasn't. She was wronged and blamed for their mistakes. And now she knew better but did it matter anymore?

It can't be fixed. All the bullshit about forgiving people and moving on towards a happier life is full of hopeful lies. The truth of the matter is, no one ever moves on completely. We just shove those painful memories into the dark narrow corner of our minds because we can't bear the idea of facing them.
That is NOT called moving on.

"No one can put up with you, it's just who you are, we're done!" I flinch a little as he suddenly raises his voice at me and I can feel the hot liquid dripping down across my cheeks.

One after another.

He stared at me raging with a harsh gaze on his eyes, no trace of remorse in his voice whatsoever. As if he was always aware that this day would come but did nothing to prevent it, just to toy with an insecure girl's emotion.

"Understanding you would take me my whole life and I don't have that amount of time to invest in someone like you."

Pathetic!

He didn't even have the guts to admit how he was just simply bored and done playing with me. Ironic how he used that as an breakup excuse when it has always been himself who I couldn't figure out no matter what.

Those were the last words I ever heard from him before finally learning to stand up for myself at the age of twenty two. And just let go and live for myself and not let anyone walk all over me.

And this is what I get?
After all I've been through? When I was finally starting to feel a little aliv-

"Your sugarless macchiato ma'am" I heard a high pitched female voice along with the noise of many metal spoons gently making almost a melodic sound as people cater around me and coffee machines going off as a young girl's figure appeared in front of me making me snap out of my thoughts.

"Would you like anything else?" She said, setting the hot drink in front of me on the wooden table.

I gathered up all the emotions I had left to express and gave her a weak smile as I said,

"No thanks, that'd be it"

As the girl takes her leave I take a last look at the paper which I now realise I was still holding onto and shove it inside my jean pocket. As if what's written on it will change if it was out of my sight. I wish it were that simple.

Instinctive chatters could be heard as I leaned further back into my chair trying to drain away all the excruciating thoughts that have been haunting me ever since I laid my eyes on this piece of paper. Funny how a piece of paper can hold such value and have this much meaning.

"This is the pre-boarding announcement for flight E46 to Dubai. We are now inviting business class travelers, passengers with small children, and any passengers requiring special assistance, to begin boarding at this time. Please have your boarding pass and identification ready at gate 11. Regular boarding will begin in approximately twenty minutes time. Thank you".

I look at the time and quickly finish up what's left of my drink. Even though I still had twenty minutes left, I check my boarding pass one last time just to be sure the announcement was about my flight.

"Flight E46"

            — 余—

Hei guys,
Author here (don't worry I wont be popping in the rest of the story ever again, just this once)

I've been meaning to write a BTS fanfic for a long time and I have quite a few ideas. But I never had the bravery to actually start writing and publishing them here. I'm finally doing it, I hope you like it. This first one I decided to write about Yoongi. I have seperate story ideas sorted out for each member and will be writing about them aswell in the future. Fighting!