LOST (Yoongi ff)

4. Observe

Clenching my teeth as I can feel my body heat increasing with anticipation as I'm approaching the 'Enter' button with my index finger.

"Do it sweety", I hear her voice as she is leaning in near the screen from behind me.

She's being unusually nice to me, that can't hold to be anything good. I think to myself.

I gather all my strength as I can finally put myself to press the button from the keyboard. As I do this I immediately shut my eyes before the new page pops up on the screen. I couldn't bear to bring myself to open my eyes. I couldn't handle any more rejection. For the last 2 years I've been trying to get into a university but I keep failing. One after another. I have tried so many times that now it has started to feel like a routine. But then why am I so scared? Despite study related issues I'm quite used to being rejected in general. How am I still not used to it?

Suddenly I feel her hands being taken away from my shoulder as she probably stands straight from her leaning position. I hear her footsteps walking away without saying a word.

There I was, still eyes tightly shut closed as warm tears begins to form from the outer corner of my eyes. Tears streamed quitely down my face. One after another salty droplets poured from my eyes and nose.

One after another. Just like the failures.

Sitting there sobbing quietly like a statue without an inch of movement. My face was a mess from the tears and runny nose. I couldn't bear to move. Couldn't bear to face her. Couldn't bear to ask her to hold me. To console me.

I don't blame her.

Without even bothering to glance at the screen I turn my whole body towards the other side of the room as I stand up.

"Ahh". I exclaim involuntarily as I almost trip upon myself. Gathering myself with the help of the support from my desk, I look at her direction. As we make eye contact. Her expression changes from disappointment to terror.

No,

She looked mortified.

Suddenly my entire being feels heavy and light as a feather at the same time. As if I were being pressed downwards by gravity as I'm flying. My vision becomes unfocused. With all the strength now left I bring my hand closer to my face to inspect what was my worst fear.

"Blood"

In an instance I feel the cold floor against my back as my body hits the ground making an echoless thud in the silent wooden house. I see her panicked face run towards me. She seems so far away. The world seems to be in slow motion as my mother is rushing towards my direction as I lay on the ground motion less. Just staring at her.

"Aura!!"

"Yoshi!"

"Yoshi look at me! Keep your eyes open!"

"Baby please" he yells as my head rests on her lap without any movement. Just eyes staring staright above at her panicked face.

At Least I have her attention now,

was all I could think of before her face started to get even blurrier.

"No No No!"

"Yoshi, look at me"

"Where's my phone!"

"HEY!"

"HE-"

"-hey"

"Hello"

"저기요"

"Excuze me"