Trichotillomania

𝚆𝚘𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐🥀

The first day I pulled my hair, I remembered because I did it on purpose. Because in the past, when I pulled my hair I felt pain. But when i started to pull it again, it feels okay. So from there that thing continues until now I am form 3 "). I experienced Trichotillomania for 6 years.Over time, pulling hair has become my habit. If I do not pull, I feel dissatisfied, bad mood, and kind of suffocated.

 I am the only child in my family. I do not like when I say I am an only child and the reaction of people will consider me a spoiled child who always gets what I want.

The fact is, everyone's expectations of me are wrong. I was raised in a strict and somewhat troubled family. I do not want to tell you all about my family, but maybe you who read this have the same problem. My family is strict until I appreciate my friends more than my family. I was jealous of my friends' parents. Sporting, can understand the problems of their children. Can reprimand his children well, likes to make jokes. I hope my parents will tell me they are proud of me. But never. Last I only heard my father once said ...

"Good girll".

That was the last I heard and then I was in standard 2. I'm not sure if I'm depressed, lonely or maybe I'm okay.I used to be taunted. Scolded badly because of things I did not do. I always have to admit I did something wrong. Squeezed to tell me to do something. I do not know how I want to start this story, but I'll try to describe how i feel.I am very desperate to get excellent results in the exam. Because I think my parents consider me a useless child so for me only in this way can make people proud of me. So I study hard so that I do not drop out of class, always get in the top 10 and no subject fails.

Sometimes people think my life is boring. Busy studying. I used to think, why did I do this for my parents. But those are all the whispers of the devil. I ignore. I am used to the life of learning, studying and learning. I am a person who does not know what I am experiencing right now.

I've done some research and mostly advice for me to see a psychiatrist. But, it is not that easy. Only those with strict parents can understand what I mean. I like to meet my friends. If in public, I like to laugh, make jokes and be cheerful. I feel like its my true self. But when I go home, I do not feel the same vibes. I feel like I'm an introvert. If I'm in public without my parents, I'm a friendly person. but if I'm in public with my parents, I become an introvert. I do not understand what my problem is. I tried to be an extrovert like myself but, I can't. I feel threatened.

To Trichotillomania patients who face family problems like me, you have to read this story until the end!

CHAPTER 2 || TOMORROW!