Veronica Stone

Pt. 19

By the time she managed to maintain steady breathing and form thoughts again, the spinning had worsened, she was seeing doubles in an already dimly lit world, her consciousness fading.

You just gaw...you just gaww...

She was looking at, or more likely remembering, the sheer number of them. How was she to tell Which ones were hers? What was she doing? How did she ever think she was going to find all her men and free them in time!? Impossible! She had to strain to see a few feet from her face, the sensation in her leg dying off, this wasn't going to happen. She needed to accept it. She'd lose all of them.

BLAM! BLAM!...thud.

She'd lost the energy to continue banging her forehead onto the floor in frustration. Her teeth gnashed together painful and spitty, blood rolled from her forehead down her nose. The pain kept her awake at least. Not that it mattered. What was the point? She couldn't move anymore, she was either too numb or demotivated or both.

"Failing again?"

Veronica looked up tearily. Then Her face lit up.

The woman?! She spoke!

Oh my god!

She thought she'd lost her. Her last hope. She could guide her, tell her what the best course of action was as always, her last chance she'd be sure not to mess up this time.

The blur of a woman stooped down to better look Veronica in her pitiful face, fat with gleeful anticipation.

"You see dis mess?", she gestured to the scattered piles of engulfed bodies. Veronica couldn't make out her features, as usual, but she felt almost as if she were laughing.

Why she-

"Tuh...", She spat darkly, "get and do nuff cu*&."

Veronica's heart crashed. The woman was still upset.

"Jamaicie girl did right bout you..."

Rochelle? I don't-

"You does really tink?...Dis make sense? You looking for guidance...", she paused to laugh again, "Tuh...lewwe say you save one or two...jokes...you not saving nun lemme not fool yuh, I probably could...but you?", She paused to scoff again, "nuh uh you different...imagine u manage to get out here alive. What you tink de board gine say? Dat you kill off a WHOLE unit and loss way dem sharks...AGAIN!? You know dem did neva fuhget da right? Why you tink dem give you such ah easy mission and look how u gone and fu*% up da too...chhh..." She shook her head, "girl I doan know how you get so...you ain shame? Walking 'round, MYYY daughter, and everybody know you is a big failure, you could really live you life so?! I dead saving a whole unit, and your legacy gine be doing de exact opposite. You asking for guidance...for what? Das wuh you want!?"

The truth stabbed deep in her chest, but she didn't fight back. The woman was right. Before, Veronica didn't understand what pushed her to come back, nothing made sense. But the blur of a woman had a point. She didn't say it but Veronica knew what she meant. Maybe that's what she really came there for, to salvage her legacy. She couldn't imagine having to go before the board to report this mess, that would be the end of her career, the end of her life, everything everyone hoped she would be, trashed, the true failure she was exposed to the world. She'd have to live everyday knowing everyone knew the truth about her, it would be in the papers, she'd be blackballed for sure, the families of her men would put hits on her if the company didn't imprison her first. There was no point. She'd been holding back a sliver of energy from the pills to escape but when she thought of it now, it was better to die with some sort of honor here than live just to die soon after with none.

Dey will say de commander went down with her unit...no one wud know... She thought, her forehead resting in blood and tears.

Then she dragged her head back up, her eyes fought to stay open but everything was near pitch black. She looked towards the woman with a sullied clinging hope, somehow she could still see her.

"Ahh-ahhh-", she struggled with a weak desperate smile on her lips. Her energy was sapped.

The pitiful question she wanted to ask was, "And then I can be with you?"

As if reading her mind, the woman replied, resting a condescending hand on the girl's head, "Please...cud never and will never be WITH me, me and you could never be de same...most I could be glad for is my daughter got a lil pride and hide sheself..."

The words crushed. She'd really blown it. Veronica rested her chin on the floor, looking out into the dark distance. How could she blame her? Veronica's entire life was an embarrassment. She probably wished at least one of the bullets had hit the right spot. End her daughter's miserable life before it started. Veronica swallowed hard. At least she was fortunate to spend these last moments with her, it was more than she deserved. She'd follow the woman's instruction this final time, give her one thing to be proud of.

Just as she was about to close her eyes, Veronica saw something. A tiny glimmer. She wasn't sure if it were real or in her head, but it looked familiar. It was a far off shining dot like a star, a little to her left, but she could make out a shape somehow. The images came back, and this time she had no strength to stop them. Memories flooded her mind, Madness hugging her to pose for the camera after the final exam, Trevor's arms wrapped around her on cold nights at sea, the puppy-like grins of her men as she dragged them onto the deck at ungodly hours for morning exercise. The memories were warm. She knew this warmth.

Wah is wid dis now?

Veronica tried to push it aside but it fought back, clinging onto her. She had no choice but to feel it wash over her.

What-

Soon she noticed it was her clinging onto this feeling now. Her mind raced with all the times she'd felt it without realizing.

Oh god, this is...

It was the real reason she came back to this cursed ship. The feeling she'd ignored her whole life. This was what she needed, this was what she'd been looking for. How did she not see it before?

But the hand on her head, it wasn't right. It was cold. Veronica thought of all the moments she'd spent chasing behind this blurry woman. Why? Where was that warmth? It didn't make sense, and confusion quickly turned to frustration because deep down she'd always known. 24 years of her life. All at once she felt everything she'd missed her entire lifetime. Betrayed, robbed, and this woman had the gall to speak to her like this. To treat her like this.

"FFFFFFFFFFFFFF" Veronica spat through grit teeth.

Her head trembled with rage. She couldn't believe it...

"Daughter!?", She managed to cough the word up as if to spit on the woman with it.

"W-woman...", She swallowed hard. She'd wasted her whole life for nonsense. The undeserving joy everyone but her could somehow afford. She'd been told she had to work for it, that things were different for someone like her. And she'd nearly killed herself listening to that crap. Not anymore. She knew better now. Veronica reached deep, her mind had never even considered the idea, much less put it into words, but she knew she had to, for the sake of the little life she had left.

She finished her sentence.

"I don't even FA$%ING KNOW YOU!"

In an instant it was as if someone had been thrown off her shoulders. After all these years. A stupid teary grin marked her face. They were happy tears. It had been in front of her face this whole time. Nothing else actually mattered.

Veronica began laughing. She couldn't help herself. She knew it was only draining her energy further, but she really couldn't help it. As she began inching and scooting frantically towards the direction of that shimmering speck, she wondered just how much of the fatigue was caused by this tentacle thing and how much was in her head. What if she'd been living her whole life weighted down like that?

Her vision began to return albeit slightly, just enough for her to make out two giant mounds beside each other. Veronica chuckled to herself, she had a good idea what that was about. It was difficult to maneuver around the other pale lumps in her way with her numb limbs, but the power in her body was returning. Soon she was awkwardly crawling.

Veronica sucked her teeth and smirked.