5 + 1 {tony and peter}

2.0

inspired by the song "in case you don't live forever" by ben platt

You put all your faith in my dreams

You gave me the world that I wanted

What did I do to deserve you?

I follow your steps with my feet

I walk on the road that you started

I need you to know that I heard you, every word

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just in case, i love you {or five times tony and peter didn't say "i love you" out loud, and one time they did}

The phrase was almost like a family tradition for the Parkers. It was a little morbid, sure, if you were a "glass half empty" kind of person, but for the Parkers, it was a phrase that held the utmost meaning. When Peter had moved in with his aunt and uncle, he hadn't understood why. He knew it was irrational to be angry with his four-year-old self, but sometimes he was because four-year-old Peter had gotten to May and Ben's apartment and had immediately sprinted away from his parents in the doorway, off to play with the Legos he had brought in front of the TV that was "sooooo much better" than the one at home.

Four-year-old Peter Parker pushed his mother away when she peppered him with kisses before his father wrapped his arms around the curly headed toddler and murmured a soft reminder to be good for Ben and May, Peter huffing and wriggling to be released. Four-year-old Peter Parker didn't tell his parents that he loved them before they went away and died. Seventeen-year-old Peter Parker tries to show anyone and everyone that he loves them, because he knows how it can destroy a person from the inside out to regret something like that.

Once four-year-old Peter understood that his parents weren't coming home, he was inconsolable for weeks. He cried and cried and cried, overwhelmed by such an utter and complete sadness that he didn't know what to do with himself. When the pain had dulled slightly, eased by the loving presence of his aunt and uncle, Peter knew in his heart that the reason that his mommy and daddy hadn't come back was because he hadn't said "I love you" when they left.

And so the phrase was born.

"Just in case, I love you."

Peter will never forget the first time he said it. Ben was gathering what he needed for a shift at the precinct, his first since Peter's parents had died. Peter remembered watching his uncle move swiftly around the apartment, checking things off a mental list as he readied himself to leave the safety of the apartment, where the three of them had grieved since the funeral. Peter wobbled over towards his uncle, who was standing by the door, about to leave. When he noticed his nephew approaching, Ben steeled himself and knelt down next to the tiny boy, a softness in his eyes that Peter had only seen before on his father.

"Hey, bud, what's up?"

Peter stepped forward slowly, reaching out to place his two small hands on top of one of Ben's.

"J-just, just i-in..." Peter felt unbidden tears well up in his eyes. The stutter had plagued him his entire four years of living, but it got so much worse when he was upset and he hated it.

"Just in c-case, I love y-you," he whispered like he was praying.

Ben's face crumpled and he swept Peter up into his arms, breathing heavily. Peter wrapped his arms around his uncle's neck and sighed, allowing himself to hope against hope that this was enough to make his uncle call out of work and stay here with May and Peter, where he was safe and Peter could see him. But life doesn't always give you want you want and Peter was learning that the hard way. Ben squeezed him tight before setting him back down again with a heavy sigh, like he was trying not to cry.

"I love you, too, Pete. Always."

May was the next one on the receiving end of the phrase, Peter approaching her much the same way he had Ben.

"Just i-i-in case, I l-love you."

And so it was coined. Every time one of them left the company of the other members of their little mosaic family, they would tell the one leaving, "Just in case, I love you." Eventually it was shouted amongst happy laughter, or they sang it or it was yelled during a tickle-monster attack. Sometimes it was said with the heavy weight of sadness behind it. But it was always said. In so many different ways. Always.

Until the night that Ben was murdered.

Peter and Ben had both been angry beyond belief and Ben had left to grab something from the convenience store, like he always did when he needed a breath of fresh air. A few minutes after the door slammed, Peter suddenly was struck by the horrid realization that he hadn't said it. He bolted after his uncle, but even with his new powers (the reason behind their fight) he didn't catch up to his uncle until the corner store. Peter rounded the corner at top speed, furiously scrubbing at his eyes in order to see through the tears as he searched for his uncle.

He was just reaching out to push the door open to the corner store that Ben always swore had the best slushies when he heard the gunshots. Peter froze, sucking in a harsh breath as he realized that the shots had come from inside the store.

Ben.

The man Peter had been named after didn't come home that night, or any night after that. On some level, Peter knew it was completely irrational to hold himself in any way responsible for any part of his uncle's death, but deep down, in a dark part of him, he couldn't help it. Ben died because Peter hadn't told his uncle he loved him, just like he hadn't told his parents before they never came back. He was a murderer, plain and simple. Peter knew he could never tell May what he had done, lest she kick him out like he deserved, but he promised himself and all of the people he had lost that he would spend the rest of his life working to help the little guy, no matter what.

And Peter Parker did.

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We, we've only got so much time
I'm pretty sure it would kill me
If you didn't know the pieces of me are pieces of you

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I have a hero whenever I need one
I just look up to you and I see one
I'm a man 'cause you taught me to be one

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In case you don't live forever, let me tell you now

I love you more than you'll ever wrap your head aroundIn case you don't live forever, let me tell you the truthI'm everything that I am because of you

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In case you don't live forever, let me tell you the truth
As long as I'm here as I am, so are you

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if you haven't listened to this song, i highly recommend  it! it's beautiful and it has pieces of both tony and peter within the lyrics. i hope you enjoy! ~elise