Like a bad habit, we find our way back to each other. No matter what terrible things we put each other though, we always do.
Like an addiction, I possess a deep desire for him and him the same. It's unstoppable, the way we crave each other.
A vice.
...
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January 21 Aira's
I stood there, my words were caught in the middle of my throat because of what had just jumbled out of Jungkook's mouth. Not just that, I watched him closely. His jaw was tightly clenched, his eyes were wavering and his breath was unstable. Was it really that hard for him to tell me he has feelings for me?
"Jungkook, you left. You're the one here with someone else," I reminded him cautiously. "You can't do that and then tell me I can't see someone other than you.."
"Then what do I do?" He grunted, staring me down.
His black eyes were glossy and helpless. They ignited a feeling of sympathy in my chest but I couldn't let him play me. It was overwhelming how deep my feelings had gotten for the man that was standing in front of me.
"You... you get your shit together or—" I hesitated. "or you leave me alone." I said coldly. "I can't let you confuse me anymore,"
"Aira.." he sighed, fingers reaching for my hands.
My heart ached. "I told you I was willing to be there for you. My heart is yours. The only condition is you opening up to me and clearly you aren't ready to do that yet." I said lowly, eyes hardened.
"It's hard yeah, but i'm not in a point my life where I can handle that, Jungkook.."
Come on. Lie to me, tell me you'll open up. Tell me you'll try. Don't let me leave.
His silence was enough for confirmation that he wouldn't be doing any of those.
"Whatever happened between us... just forget about it," I sighed, moving my hands out of his loose grasp.
It hurt so much to say words that I didn't mean. I didn't want to forget about anything. I wanted to remember everything, I wanted to remember the first time he got close to opening up to me at the beach about his parents, I wanted to remember the moments where it felt like we were actually friends, I wanted to remember holding him in my arms, I wanted to remember his sweet gestures that he would never admit were supposed to be sweet.
But it was clear as day that between Jungkook and I was an ill-fated connection.
It wasn't going to work out. No, it would ultimately only leave us both hurt.
"I hope you have a fun date, don't keep her waiting too long," I said bitterly before opening the door and walking out.
This time, he didn't stop me.
I bit down hard on my bottom lip to stop it from quivering as I walked to the counter and asked the waitress for my jacket that Jinah gave to her. After putting it on, I walked out of the coffee shop and let the cold winds engulf me. As I walked down the street, I couldn't hold myself together anymore.
