In too deep

#1 fate? maybe.

*authors note* some sentences with have capitals before every sentence some won't*.

*Azaila*
november.16.2019

*Bang Bang Bang*

"Get you ass up you fucking bitch i need my fucking breakfast"

Groaning as i hear my mother for the 5th time this morning banging on my door. Rolling out of my bed i make my way to my dresser in-between my bathroom door and closet.

Grabbing my black jumper and favorite black ripped jeans. i make my way to my bathroom and turn on my shower. I strip out of my dirty pajamas, i stare at myself in the mirror, you can see how dirty it is just by taking a glance at it. I look down to my stomach and see my ribs poking out of my damaged skin. i can see the bruises starting to fad and the ones my mother and her drunk of a boyfriend gave me yesterday night starting to come through.

you can see the cut i have from my left shoulder to my right hip from when mum thought i was stealing her vodka on my back.

you can see the many bruises on my arms from when Michel grabs me and throws me on the ground.

You can see the cuts i make on my arms.

You can see the words my mum's friends carved into me ' whore' on my left hip, 'slut' on my stomach, and 'bitch' on the inner part of my bicep. Each are maybe 1 by 2 inches long.

shaking that memory out of my mind.

i step into my freezing shower and rinse my body. Adding as little amount of soap i can into my hand i cleanse myself. trying to get the feeling of Michel's (mom's boyfriend) touch off of me. last night Michel was a little pissed at mom and he took it out of me. This resulted in me laying on the living room floor naked yesterday while my mom just stared at Michel watching him rape me for the 6th time this month.

"Get your ugly, fucking fat ass down here and make me some fucking breakfast!"

i hurry and get out of the shower putting on my over sized jumper and black jeans and make my way back into my bedroom.

i grab my bag and shove my charger, chapstick i bought the other day, my books, and phone in it and make my way down the hall to the kitchen. I set my bag down and head over to the pantry.

I quickly make eggs and toast and set it on some plates and clean up my dishes.
My mum made a rule that i can't eat at home or at all for that matter because ' i am too fat and need to lose weight'.  Which doesn't bother me anymore because i have started to agree with her. i haven't eaten a meal in i think 2 weeks unless you count that granola and gatorade i had 3 days ago a meal.

i grab my bag from beside the door and get my worn out converse on. I run out of my house and make my way to school. it's about a 30 minute walk. it gives me a chance to work out everyday so it doesn't bother me.

walking through the schools doors i am welcomed with the smell of cigarettes and beer.

ah this is want my secondary school smells like this most of the time. i've gotten used to it i kinda forgot that there was even a 'smell' to this school.

"Zail,hey." Katherine (kitty) walks up behind me and leans against the lockers.
"Hey Kitty how was your weekend?" i turn and look at her. today she is wearing one of her more revealing outfits but it suits her nicely.

(just the fit not the person)

"oh it was good, i was able to go to axels house and we hung out over the weekend."
I smirk at kitty and she starts to blush and she hits me on my arm.
"it's nothing like zail, we are just friends, okay?"
while winking "hey totally and i am a 6' tall hot blonde with a 8 inch"
her blush deepened and she looks me up and down.
"well last time i checked i was straight but i mean"
"AH YOU WISH!"
i might have said it to loud because a few heads turn and stare at us.
"NOTHING TO SEE PEOPLE YOU CAN GO BACK TO YOUR USLESS CONVERSATIONS!" that made them all turn back and continue their conversations they were having with the other seniors.

me and kitty make our way to first period

English

going to our seats in the far right by the window.
we see that there are quizzes on our desk and we groan.

slowly the class starts to fill up and the teacher starts writing 'pop quiz' on the board.

after about 2 minutes the class is full.
"alright class so today i am quizzing you on last weeks reading you were suppose to do."
and sea of groans are heard around the class.

*skips to lunch*

3 hours later me and kitty make our way to lunch, where we meet up with the rest of the group.
we walk to our table a sit down and are joined by axel and lee.

"Zail the principal wants you in her office like 10 minutes ago."
"The fuck Lee you should have told me earlier."
"sorry Zail i forgot until i saw you just now."
"it's cool, Cya later guys."

walking down the hall i can start to feel a overwhelming sense that something is about to go terribly wrong.

only if she knew then what she would find out.

i get to Mrs. Blake's office and knock 4 times

"Come in"
following my que i walk into her room and stand by the door. there is a man maybe in his early 20's in a suit sitting in one of the chairs i front of Mrs. blake's desk.

"Lee told me you wants to see me, sorry it took so long i didn't know until like 2 minutes ago."
"of its fine dear, how about you take a seat." she speaks while pointing to the other chair in front of her. i slowly make my way other to her desk and sit 'straight'

"i am sorry to say but i've got some bad news...." i couldn't listen to anything else. Bad news if mum finds out she'll kill me. Mum hates to be called during the day or at all.

"sweeties are you listening?"
"no ma'am i'm sorry what were you saying?"
"i was saying that your mother and her boyfriend were in a very bad accident. They didn't make it, I am so sorry."

i couldn't help but smirk.
she's gone.
the women that ruined my life
the women that let me get rapped
the women that gave birth to be then took me away from my family
the women that made me the way i am

Messed up

*thank you for reading, if have any questions let me know :)*