Best Friend?

I wanna be your favorite boy.

Shuichi p.o.v

I should have stayed at home that day we were kidnapped. Maybe then I wouldn't be in this stupid situation, maybe then I wouldn't be stuck in this sick killing game, maybe then I would've never met them....

I get that everyone's grateful and all but I feel no better than those murderers I had exposed, no than the friends I had exposed. I sometimes feel like they don't actually love me as much as they say they do ,like they're just using me to get by trial by trial. I guess I don't blame them though, if I was in a killing game with some random peers and one of them kept finding a way to solve cases I'd depend on them too. but still.... I felt so lonely just thinking about our situation along with the fact that one of us is the mastermind. They're just sitting here watching and probably laughing behind closed doors while our friends were getting killed, slaughtered and we could do nothing about it unless we found them, sigh. I guess nothing good would come out of sitting here and moping.

I open up the mono pad and look over the map. I don't know what my plan is but I can't just sit here! My eyes scanned the Monopad looking for an answer, maybe there's another exit like the one she tried having us escape from.... I still can't help but think of what i could have done to save her, maybe if I'd noticed her plan sooner? Or if we went around interrogating students more harshly? Or if that stupid bookshelf had opened. Better yet if we weren't even here in the first place!

My mind shifted to Kokichi and what he said about liking her a wave of confusion mixed with a hint of jealousy washing over me, God! It's like I'm playing more of his truth and lie games. Though we all became closer after a few deaths it seemed as if Kokichi was still trying to distance himself from us. I guess making friends and being close to people is harder for him than everyone else, especially in this environment. Though it seemed easier to talk to him now than when we first got our memories back.

" I'm gonna make you pay attention to me allll the time Shuichi!" " Why would you do that Kokichi?" he grinned then tried to hide it by rolling his eyes as if I asked the most obvious question in the world and said " Becaaauuseeee Shuichi I'm gonna be your favorite boy!" Thinking about that promise he made to me some days ago made me feel strange, just what did he mean by that? I don't think he's going to kill anyone because I trust him, I think.

I find his words open to doubt, how he could be my favorite boy when he's so gloomy, and I don't mean when he's around people I mean that I've noticed that when he thinks we're all not looking he has this really sad face not like the ones he usually pulls around us, it's a face that makes my gut wrench as if he's on the brink of losing himself in his world of lies and wants to get out but is struggling. As I continued thinking about it I started making a promise of my own. I'm going to make his day!

A blush lightly dusted my face as I thought about what I said more, okay so maybe I wouldn't make his day but I'd make him think about my as he lie awake. The same way I think about his lies. Maybe soon we will be closer, it'd be nice to see Kokichi's true face every once in a while and not the mask he puts up everyday. I started giggling. Pfffft as if, we might as well show up to the cafeteria with flags with each others faces on it and t-shirts that say your biggest fan!
I thought more as my eyelids became heavier and I drew a conclusion, one that I'm not so inclined to share with him. It would be nice to see him cry for real.

" Kokichi wait!" I said as he started running away from where we were sitting, he didn't wait but instead ran faster! Sometimes even having simple conversations like the one we were just having about going to Gonta's cookout with Maki and Kaito were hard to have because as soon as I said Gonta he started spouting stuff about bugs then yelled " The day I get caught at that monster infested place is the day we're all outta this damn hell hole!" Sigh, so much for making his day.