sometimes the words don't come. even as a constructor of elaborate expression, i cannot seem to place my thoughts into a single strung sentence. but i wish- no, i yearn to speak with you. my soul corrupted by anger, but disrupted by fear. i want you to know that i am burning with fury, and i know it shows on my brow, when my face curls into a scowl. i never used to look at you that way. you were my light, my form of guidance and unwavering support. never once in my impertinent youth did i ever imagine that i would look at you with pure disgust. i never thought i would come to despise you, perhaps even perceive you as indifferent. yet i am here today, laying on my bed, furiously scrapping my thoughts together to somehow purge my poor mind of these poisonous and lethal thoughts. i cannot even share them with you, whom they revolve around. it feels as if i am screaming at the top of my lungs, submerged deep within a cave. the sound reflects and bounces back to me, echoing through the walls but never reaching you. driving me to madness and surpassing it. i try convincing myself that it is foolish, or even futile, but i know well enough, existing in my own mind- trapped by it- that i do not believe this to be true. if i were capable of hatred, i know you would be one of many. my guilty conscious however, would never lend me the luxury of hatred. don't misunderstand me, i don't seek out this filthy feeling. i actually find myself repulsed by even the thought of it. but not even the most expressive and thoughtful words could properly capture the essence quite like hatred. despising you almost sounds too kind, too relieving, too dismissive, too alleviating, too kind. i owe you no kindness, i owe you no respect, obedience, or love. no matter how many times you claim to sacrifice yourself, i can guarantee the praise would never be enough. you are incapable of thinking without the intent of your own pleasure. how then can you call your actions kindness ? when it is so obviously for selfish reasons. i don't believe you to be malicious, just callused. you are a result of others negligence and inexcusable treatment. but like them, this explains your impositions, it doesn't excuse them. there is nothing comprehendible in this universe that could deem you worthy of forgiveness. yet it is given to you as though you were a saint. you aren't always this distasteful, but i cannot possibly keep up with your tide. so i refuse to visit your bank, and relinquish all desire to.
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visions of icarus
Fantasymaybe when i feel nostalgic, or even ethereal. i want to let my thoughts spill out like an over flowing glass, and let my words render as if they were kisses from the sun. for if ever there were a time to be swift, let it be at the beginning. let my...
