visions of icarus

inviolable propinquity

we were two silhouettes impalpable, and suddenly estranged towards all others but ourselves. it wasn't that we were above them, or better, just indifferent. we had our own beliefs, and our imagination ran rampant. it was almost as if we shared thoughts, our minds connected by this invisible string that we neither acknowledged or detested. we were all too aware of each other, learning new creases each day, and there was always something to learn. you were a mystery to me, and it infuriated me that i couldn't understand you. you reminded me of the sky in a way; an inexplicable depth, constantly moving and changing. an ethereal beauty, and those who came to know you were blessed, those who did not were attracted to you like a moth to the flame. though i didn't know it then, it was an honour to be able to say i knew you as well as i did. i still remember that night we went to the beach, and the way the moon reflected on the water as if they were both content coexisting in the same moment. never challenging the other for the spotlight. and the way the stars complimented the scene, and blessed us with the atmosphere of curiosity. we talked for an hour at least, and even though i don't remember what we talked about, i remember knowing more about you. it was the kind of feeling i correlate with the vision of icarus. my few moments that i venture off to as reassurance that life can in fact be beautiful, and if i remain i could possibly see them again. i wish i could have been better to you, i wish i could have been more patient and listened to you the same way you listened to me. you took the deepest and darkest parts of myself and gave them light. and my promise to you, however hard to maintain, i have kept. 

passing your house on our street still offers familiarity, but also smacks me with guilt. knowing i destroyed something so innocent, so beautiful, and kind. we weren't finished yet. we had so many ideas, so many plans, and like a fool i ran. but why ? why was i so afraid. why did i search for a reason to break ? perhaps i was afraid that you would leave before i ever got the chance to, or that you would turn on your heel and expose my fragile and sensitive parts. i know i was jealous, i looked at you and your world and wished mine would resemble it. i was oblivious, and i still am. i was broken, and you closed the gaps in my being. but now, at my own fault, i live with the ominous remembrance of that wholeness. and sometimes we still talk, you check in and so do i. we still share that string of thought, but the thread is frayed and much thinner than it ever was. i feel as if i placed a veil over our bond. i can still see you, i hear your voice and your laugh, i still see your smile, and it reminds me of goodness. i remember our walks behind the houses in our neighbourhood, and the sunsets we saw over the lake. even walking down to the dead end, the memories we shared there were beautiful, and they still are. and knowing that the frayed string between us will never be the same kills me, and i know i could have been better. i should have been better. and though time has flown bye, leaving us in its' midst, i am still thankful for the time i got to know you, and in my memories i miss you. so thank you, for the best memories of my youth. stay alive my friend, we will meet again.