Romanogers One shots

Alive

Songfiction: Alive - Sia

Spoilers and Warnings: Endgame and its really depressing. And it's mainly about Natasha Romanoff aka Black Widow. Ah yes and a little bit Romanogers...

Still wanna suffer? K here we go!

I was born in a thunderstorm
I grew up overnight
I played alone
I played on my own
I survived

Completely alone where the first few years of my life. I suffered under the guidance from the red room. I killed me everyday over and over again. Without stopping. But I stood up everyday again. I thought it was impossible. I couldn´t get out their grasp. One day there was Clint. I owe him for setting me free. I survived.

Hey
I wanted everything I never had
Like the love that comes with light
I wore envy and I hated that
But I survived

I never had a family before. When I joined S.H.I.E.L.D. I got one. With the Avengers I got to know love for the first time, but I feared it. Love was for children. It could hurt and destroy you more than any weapon or torture device. I almost fell in love. But I survived

I had a one-way ticket to a place where all the demons go
Where the wind don't change
And nothing in the ground can ever grow
No hope, just lies
And you're taught to cry into your pillow
But I survived

I knew, I had red in my ledger and I wanted to wipe it out so badly. I did everything I could to wipe it out. So I did everything they told me, until I realized that maybe more lifes were on the than if I just did the right thing. So I went back to my roots, and tried again to make up for what I did. There was no hope and I almost lost myself. But I survived

I'm still breathing
I'm still breathing
I'm still breathing
I'm still breathing
I'm alive
I'm alive
I'm alive
I'm alive

Every time I was led down I survived. I was still breathing
I never healed and recovered fully and everything left scars but I´m alive

I found solace in the strangest place
Way in the back of my mind
I saw my life in a stranger's face
And it was mine

I started to feel good not in places but persons. Even when there were miles away, they were in my mind and I felt safe because of that bit of love I hardly worked for. We were on the run and had a lot time. I thought how my life turned. About the person who was able to heal me and who I was. And the person I was now, the life I had...it was MINE

I had a one-way ticket to a place where all the demons go
Where the wind don't change
And nothing in the ground can ever grow
No hope, just lies
And you're taught to cry into your pillow
But I survived

I could have left Steve, Sam and Wanda and go back on the safe side of the law. I could follow Tony. But now I understood why it was so important to stand up against the might full people. They lied and did what hey wanted. They didn´t care for those who actually suffered from their decisions. Only for them. And now one defended them self because they were scared. Like me in my past. I could not let that happen to more people, so I fought. Every time it hit me but I survived.

I'm still breathing
I'm still breathing
I'm still breathing
I'm still breathing
I'm alive
I'm alive
I'm alive
I'm alive

But my world wasn´t steady enough. It faded with one snap into dust. Half of my life gone. My friends, my family, everything I had. I was heavily injured by that, but I´m alive

You took it all, but I'm still breathing

I have made every single mistake
That you could ever possibly make
I took and I took and I took what you gave
But you never noticed that I was in pain
I knew what I wanted; I went out and got it
Did all the things that you said that I wouldn't
I told you that I would never be forgotten
And all in spite of you

I never thought such things were even possible. I tried to do everything right, but instead of finally finding peace, I was haunted by my mistakes. I was haunted by our failure. I was haunted by everything I lost while I tried to get there where I never could get. Not in this life. I wanted to safe the ones I loved. But my hope left me. I stayed back and with every day my hope faded until I was an unemotional, passive and working ruin of the human I was once. And all that sorrow because of Thanos. And all in spite of you

And I'm still breathing
I'm still breathing
I'm still breathing
I'm still breathing
I'm alive (You took it all, but I'm still breathing)
(You took it all, but I'm still breathing)
I'm alive (You took it all, but I'm still breathing)
(You took it all, but I'm still breathing)
I'm alive (You took it all, but I'm still breathing)
(You took it all, but I'm still breathing)
I'm alive

I knew what I had to do, to safe them all. We turned back the time. We made the impossible possible. But nothing works without a sacrifice. So I did what no one wanted me to do. I finally wiped out the red in my ledger, I helped saving the universe, I helped my loved ones. I sacrificed me. But from this moment on, nothing could ever hurt me. I got all I ever dreamed of, and the others deserved nothing less. So I jumped down the cliff. Even though I died, I was ALIVE