Falling Erother'hi (Moira Mercia) - ON HOLD

CHAPTER SIXTEEN ~ HIDDEN DESPAIR

The dresses I'm wearing cover all the bruises I have. It's as if Madam Freeshi knew the exact length of my sleeves and skirt, all of her painful whips and kicks hidden underneath layers of clothing.

I've been forced to dance every day and my usual classes have been put on hold until the king believes I have mastered the art of Court dancing, which from what I've been seeing will be when Madam Freeshi gets bored of using me as her personal punching bag.

I've tried talking to Lady Cecille about it, but her solution is to just stay put and wait for the storm to pass, and although she does seem to be worried about me, she has forbidden me to speak to anybody else about it, including my personal servants. Although it is very frustrating to have to hide something that affects my daily life so much, having to hide the bruises has its perks. I can now have showers on my own, dress myself without the help of the servants and I no longer have a guard in my rooms at all times.

Lady Cecille also told me to give what Madam Freeshi wants, and from what I can tell, that is to break me. But I won't budge.

Dyane once told me the story of how a young woman let others get away with everything, and although at the beginning they took minor things from her, in the end, they took her life. So I know I can't let Madam Freeshi win, because I may not be a dancing prodigy, but I do believe I have a right to decide what I want to do and what I will let others do to me, even if that is limited by certain things.

So when it's time to dance, I do as told, making sure to move my body as closely as Madam Freeshi moves hers. And when she decides I am not doing good enough, her stick hitting against my skin with a crack, I take it, not letting her keep me down for long, not giving her the pleasure of seeing me break.

It's a painful routine, but I know I can survive it.

A knock on the door makes me lose focus, my mind returning to my sore body.

"Enter," Madam Freeshi commands, not moving from where she stands, both her hands clasped around her walking stick. It's strange, how something so beautiful and unique could be used by someone so evil and have such a harmful use.

Lady Cecille cracks the door open. I've noticed over the past couple of weeks that Madam Freeshi never opens the door for anybody, instead staying still and letting others open it for themselves. Nonetheless, she does make somebody else open it for her. Based on how things work in the castle, I can only assume this is because she believes she is higher ranked than the rest of us, and thus treats everyone badly.

"It's time for Moira to go to bed," Lady Cecille says.

Turning back to Madam Freeshi, I hope she doesn't make me stay for longer like yesterday, keeping me cooped up in this room from sunrise to sunset, with the only exception being lunch, where I spent it sitting next to Grace, passing the few hours of freedom I have listening to the gossip of the day.

"Agreed." Madam Freeshi states, her eyes searching my own.

I know what she is looking for, so I harden myself, hiding my emotions as well as I can. If she senses I am in any way happy, or in pain, or sad, she will use that to her advantage. After a few seconds of staring at her, I shift my gaze towards the floor.

I can't start a fight with her, that will only make my situation worse. I need to be smart about this, and make sure I don't provoke her.

"Thank you for the lesson, Madam Freeshi. Good night," I say, making sure to keep my voice steady and loud so she won't tell me off yet again.

"Good night," She replies.

I hurriedly leave the room, following Lady Cecille and falling into step beside her. Once we are far enough away that nobody can hear us, Lady Cecille asks, her voice worried.

"Are you alright?"

I want to tell her exactly how I am. How angry I feel, how out-of-place, how vulnerable and sore I feel. I want to tell her how hurt and sad I am, how much I miss home. But instead, I reply, my voice steady, "Yes, I'm fine,".

Ever since my new dance teacher appeared in my life, we've been growing distant. Every time I see her I am reminded of the house I was taken from, of the loved ones I will probably never see again, and although I thought I had forgiven her for that, I can't seem to move past it.

"Are you sure?".

"Yes, don't worry,".

I know she cares about me, but I want her to care about me enough to do something about my situation. I want her to pick me up like my family would, to rush to the woman who is hurting me and make sure that will never happen again.

We stay silent for the rest of the walk, and before long, we are standing in front of the door to my rooms.

"Good night, Moira,".

"Good night, Lady Cecille,".

Stepping inside, I close the door behind me and place my ear against it. I want to make sure she leaves before I start getting undressed.

Hearing her soft steps moving further away, I step away from the door, my sore legs carrying me to bed. Sitting down, I slowly pull at the strings behind my back, the lace hard to undo when my arms feel so tender. Once I've managed to pull the outer layer of my clothing off, I slowly pull the rest of the material over my head, leaving me naked.

My body is filled with green and blue marks, but the worst are my legs. Since they are always covered, Madam Freeshi makes them her usual target, and so they always end up being the most hurt after our sessions.

The pain is excruciating, not only for the hits I take during my dance lesson, but from exhaustion. I haven't had one good night all week, the ache keeping me up, making me remember the days back home, the memories bringing tears to my eyes.

Laying down, I curl up, new tears flowing down my cheeks as I sob.

"I want to go home," I whisper.

And just like that, another unrestful night begins.