Chicago Fire: Strike a Match

Get Burned

Chapter 16: Fire Quest

"Just let me make a call," Cailin pleaded, even though she can tell by the set of his jaw he wasn't going to let her. "You and I both know that you sitting in here is ridiculous and I've let you tie my hands this much. I understood it to a point, but it's been three and a half weeks! What did your lawyer say? Has Lisa even been to see you?"

"Cailin, please," he said, his eyes flashing icily, "I can't let you get involved in this. You just got your badge back, you don't understand." And she didn't, she didn't know how torn he was, trying to sort out his loyalties. To Lisa, not because he wanted to protect her, but because he had made a vow to her. Because he wouldn't have come back from that first tour in Iraq if it hadn't been for her. He owed her his life. Otherwise he would have just given up, over there in the hot, sandy chaos. But also feeling loyalty to Cailn; because Cally had been a ray of light in his darkness, even when she just thought she was a storm cloud. Because she had accepted him without question, that bond forming from the very first night at 51. He didn't want to involve her, knowing she was on thin ice at work. Knowing she would face scrutiny at the precinct, at 51, with her family if he revealed he had been with her that night. He knew she was still holding such guilt, had already been the subject of scrutiny after Jimmy's death; he couldn't do that to her.

"I'm already involved, Clarke," she snapped. She fought the urge to reach out and touch him, having used her creds to get in under the auspices of questioning him. Knowing he would refuse to see her if she came in under the visitors log, he had when she tried that a week ago. And the two times before that. As it was, she was having to keep pacing around the table to keep herself from either hugging or shaking him. She wanted desperately to do both. If she hadn't been distracted by the doctor updating them on Matt's condition, she would have run after Antonio and prevented this entire mess from happening in the first place. He could try to protect his no good wife all he wanted, but she had no loyalties to that woman; except she knew how much he lived by the code. She was angry enough that any CO passing by would figure she was trying to nail him to the wall without any acting on her part.

"You don't need to take this on, Cal, you don't have any obligation to me," he said quietly, gazing through and past her." He was trying to freeze her out, cut off his feelings for her, even though he knew it was useless. But he knew she had to keep her job, her purpose, that she would flounder and fail if she didn't have that. Yes, she was strong, stronger than she even realized, but he knew she wasn't that strong.

"Spare me the good little jarhead routine!" she snapped, before her heart dropped to her stomach, he couldn't really think that, could he? Of course she was obligated to him, if it hadn't been for him, she probably would have just slipped under the waves of crushing darkness completely.

Cailin slid the chair out from across the metal table from him. "You might not think I do, but I owe you more than you know. You are the first person since everything happened to not treat me like I am made of glass and about to break any second. You are the first person that I feel like understands, that gets me, that doesn't make me feel like a freak. You've helped me in so many ways. You said that 51 saved your life, but you may very well have given me mine back. Let me help you, let me in, Jeff, please?" Her tone was pleading, her eyes glittering with tears.

Clarke had to hold himself back from reaching across the table to touch her, acutely aware of the guard's presence right outside the room. He couldn't risk her losing the one thing that was keeping her afloat for him. He didn't expect her to understand why he couldn't turn his back on Lisa. That didn't stop him feel like he was tearing her in half. She may have felt he hadn't treated her like she was made of glass; but he had the urge to protect her, to heal her since the first time he noticed her gaze practically penetrating him. But that didn't stop him from still being married. To someone who had murdered her boyfriend. And he was sitting in jail after she set him up for it. "I can't let you risk your badge, Cal, I just can't."