What Is It You Truly Desire?

Choices

*First person Harry's POV*

Christmas Holidays

It was Christmas Eve here at 12 Grimmauld Place and I couldn't feel more out of place. The Weasleys were gone, out to pick up Mr Weasley from St. Mungo's. I had opted to stay home, feeling as if I shouldn't be out in the public eye too often. Sirius and Remus were here also, although they had both disappeared a while ago.

Here I sat, in Sirius' old room from when he was a boy. Gryffindor Merchandise filled the room from top to bottom. Muggle images, clothes and various items littered the room, a reminder of Sirius' rebellion against his family. Everyone surrounding me was a born and bread Gryffindor. I was different. I tried to ignore the feeling, but the sorting hat's words still sang in the back of my mind, popping up at the most inconvenient moments. Did I truly belong in Gryffindor? What would my life be like if I hadn't chosen to be put in Gryffindor. That's right. I had chosen this. I had to keep reminding myself of that factor. The sorting hat obviously felt some part of me belonged in Gryffindor or it wouldn't have let me choose.

I shoved myself off the bed in frustration.
"What am I doing Hedwig?" I asked my owl who was perched on the windowsill. She simply looked up acknowledged the noise coming from my mouth, and then continued picking at her dead mouse. I sighed and wandered out of the room. I had stayed her for a while and yet, had never truly explored all of the rooms. Might as well take the almost empty house as an opportunity.

I could hear Sirius and Remus laughter echoing down the corridor from Remus' guest bedroom so I decided to keep away from that section of the house hold. I crept up the stairs, cringing every time they creaked and groaned, praying I didn't wake the portrait of Sirius' mother despite her being located on the first floor. I could only imagine the profanities she'd yell at me. Me the "chosen one". The boy who almost killed her master. A half blooded, orphaned boy stuck being raised by muggles, temporarily living with her disowned son, his bisexual werewolf best friend and an entire family of blood traitors. Oh yes. Mrs Black would be oh so proud of the famous Harry Potter.

I sighed as I reached the highest floor of Grimmauld Place. The Attic. The Door was jammed shut, as if it hadn't been opened in years. Cobwebs littered the door way, spanning from the handle down to the floor. I felt around in my pants for my wand before remembering I wasn't meant to use it. Instead, I shoved my right hand inside the sleeve of my jacket and used it to pull open the door. The musky smell of mould and old rotting wood wafted up my nose followed by a littering of dust. I quickly shoved my elbow in front of my nose, trying not to sneeze too loudly.

It took my eyes a moment to adjust to the dim lighting in the room, the tiny attic window barely filtering any light inside. The only other light was a soft glow coming from the centre of the room. As I looked deeper, my heart jumped. The silhouette of a man, stood in the middle of the room. My eyes widened as I stepped backwards, preparing to run. Instead I hit the wall, something sharp protruding into my back. Suddenly, light flooded the room and I winced as my eyes tried to readjust.

I flinched backwards as I saw the person in the middle of the room. It was a teenage boy. Silvery blonde hair sweeping the front of his forehead, grey cloudy eyes glowing in the dull light, green and silver tie around his neck. It wasn't the blonde boy who shocked me however, it was with whom his hand was holding. A pure reflection of myself, wearing my usual Hogwarts Robes. But, something was...different. My tie. It was the same colour as mine and his eyes. Green and Silver.

I watched, heart racing, as the blonde hair boy's hand roamed up my reflections arm, snaking around my neck. I was utterly mesmerised, unable to look away as the two's mouths connected. How? Who? What? I was so drawn in to the boys in front of me, I failed to notice what i was actually looking at was a large floor length arched mirror.
"OH my GoD!" I yelled heart racing a million miles a minute. I stepped closer, trying to ignore the boys who were now staring lovingly into each other's eyes, a sorting hat perched on my reflection's head mouthing the word "Slytherin" on repeat.
Engraved on the top of the mirror were the words "Erised stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyt on wohsi."
"I show not your face but your hearts desire." I whispered, tears suddenly escaping from my eyes.
"No. This can't be true it has to be a trick." I cried as the door slammed open behind me. I felt as a pair of arms wrapped around me.
"Sh it's okay my boy." Sirius hushed. My parents. He would assume I could see my parents. I should be seeing my parents, how can I not? How is it possible that being in Slytherin with Draco Malfoy by my side is my deepest desire?

The tears were streaming down my face now, a weight slowly growing on my chest. I couldn't breathe. The weight kept growing. How do I breathe? How do I breathe? Why am I crying? Why won't it stop? Just breathe. It's still not working. Why can't I stop? Part of me registered the second pair of arms wrapping themselves around me. Remus. The man who would have been like an uncle, now a stranger. Simply my teacher and nothing more. The two men I should have grown up with. How could all of this happen? How did my life become this?

The two men, my rightful caregivers managed to calm me down. It was good timing too as we could hear a large ruckus down stairs. The Weasleys had returned.
"Harry, do you need a moment? Remus will take you to my room if you'd like, I'll tell the others you're asleep and not to disturb you?" Sirius asked. I'd never seen him this, well, serious before.
"Yes please." I didn't like being weak. The last thing I needed was everyone's questions. I needed time to think, to compose myself. I needed to talk to someone about what I saw. Sirius wouldn't understand. He hated the Malfoy's. So do I, at least...I thought I did. But then, maybe I never did hate Malfoy. Yeah he's a righteous pr*ck, but it wasn't all him. The Gryffindors have never exactly been nice to him either. We never gave him a chance. I never gave him a chance.

I should have. I should have taken his hand when he offered it to me. I was too focused on what he was saying about Ron's family. But now that I think about it, Ron said bad things about his family too? Why did I choose to just listen to Ron? Why am I such a hypocrite?

All of these thoughts shot through my mind as Remus began walking me to his bedroom. We were almost there when I heard a large bang. Standing in front of me were two identical red heads.
"Hiya Harry!" Fred yelled.
"Wait. What's wrong?" George asked as he took in my messed up appearance.
"Nothing I'm fine." I mumbled.
"He's just going to go in and have a bit of a lie down. If the other's ask just tell them he's asleep okay boys?" Remus instructed.
"Of course professor Lupin." They said solemnly. It wasn't often they were like this, but I could tell they knew this was a serious matter. They stood there...staring as Remus led me into the bedroom. I looked at them with tired eyes, seeing theirs fill with pain. I took a deep breath and shut the door before turning to my old Professor, preparing what it was I was going to say to him.

Okay so not a super long chapter, but the start of a new fan fiction I've been thinking about. I don't know where it is going to go or how long this fic is going to be or if I'll ever finish it but I had a few ideas in my head and I just wanted to get them out.
Thanks for reading !

Word Count: 1445