Dad jokes to make your family disappointed (none of them are mine)
(Most of these are so badddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd)
1.What do you call a fake noodle?An Impasta
2.Why should you never fight a dinosaur?You'll get Jur-ass kicked
3.My friend bet me $30 that I couldn't make a car out of spaghetti...You should have seen her face when I drove pasta
4.What did the beaver say when it swam into a wall?Dam!
5.What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for school?Bi-son!
6.How much does it cost Santa to park his sleigh?Nothing it's on the house
7.What do you call a fat psychic?a four-chin teller
8.Why don't ants get sick?they have little anty-bodies
9.A Mexican magician says he'll disappear on the count of threeUno.. dos.. poofHe disappeared without a tres...
10.Today, my son asked, "Can I have a bookmark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
11.DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way into town, apparently an actress just killed herself.MOM: Oh my! Who!?DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????DAD: No, it was with a knife...
12.How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
13.I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
14.
Did you know the first French fries weren't actually cooked in France?
They were cooked in Greece.
15.If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
16.Laughing loudly isn't allowed in HawaiiIt's only a low ha!
17.What's the difference between a rabbit that works out and a rabbit that tells jokes?One is a fit bunny and the other is a bit funny!
18.What is the difference between a tuna fish, a piano, and a pot of glue?(What?)You can tuna piano but you can't piano a tuna! (What happened to the glue?)I knew you'd get stuck there!
19.why should you never pamper a cow?You'll get spoiled milk!
20.what do you call cheese that isn't yours?Nacho cheese!
21.what do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?an Ir-elephant!
22.why couldn't the bicycle stand up?It was two tyred!
23.did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?Great food! No atmosphere!
24.How many apples grow on trees?all of them!
25.why did the coffee file a police report?It got mugged
26.Why can't you hear a psychiatrist go to the bathroom?Because the 'P' is silent!
27.did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?he won the no-bell prize!
28.I used to hate facial hair but...Then it grew on me!
29.I decided to sell my vacuum the other day...It was just gathering dust!
30.can January March?No, but April May!
31.I thought about going on an all almond diet...But that was just nuts
32.What happens when you go to a bathroom in France?Europen
33.Why did the blind man fall into the well?He couldn't see that well
34.Did you hear the rumour about butter?well, I'm not going to spread it!
35.How do billboards talk?Sign language
36.What does a dinosaur use to pay his bills?Tyrannosaurus checks!
37.what do you call ghost poop?Boo-boo
38.Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road?He got stuck in a crack
39.What do you call a pile of cats?a meow-tain
40.My friend broke up with his girlfriend Ruth...He was Ruth-less
41.Where do robots go for fun?The circuits
42.I burned my hawaian pizza today...I should've had it on aloha temperature
43.Someone just stole my mood ringIm not sure how I feel about that
44.I went to a party last night and everyone had colds..It was sick
45.I have a speed bump phobiaBut I'm getting over it slowly
46.I was trying to figure out how lighting works...But then it struck me
47.I was fired from the rubber band factory My first thought was "Oh snap"
48.Did you see the movie about the hotdog?It was an oscar weiner
49.What do you call a cow with no legs?Ground beef
50.I wrote a song about a tortilla once...Well, it was more of a wrap!
(I said they were bad, sorry for doing this to you)
