If They Weren't

김남준

     Angrily I slam the door and storm down the driveway, wiping stray tears from my face. I try and collect myself before making it too far down the street.

     "So much for a relaxing weekend," I mumble half way to myself. "So much for a relationship too."

     I rip off the gemstone endowed necklace around my neck and I ball it in my hands, feeling the prongs of the setting poke into my palms. I swallow back another fit of rage that wants to wash me over, deciding not to make a scene. I walk until my anger fizzles into depressed acceptance and I'm at the main street intersection. I look to my left, eyeing down the main strip sidewalk, bustling with hurried people. To my right it's less popular so I decide to walk that way. I sniffle as I walk across the crosswalk, wary of making eye contact with anyone. As I pass further along down the street, the smell of Magnolias becomes stronger and I smile. It's spring time and the Magnolia patch in the city is in full bloom. My smile grows bigger as I near the pink-white trees and a group of children giggle, running in circles around one of the trees. The large trees line the park wall and I walk along the line for a good while. It's at most a mile long. I come upon a girl and a boy and I casually watch as he plucks a low hanging flower off of the tree and gifts it to her, who takes it bash fully and tucks it into her pigtail. They bounce off holding hands and it sends a tinge of sadness to my smile. I stand in thought with my hands in my pockets wondering why it couldn't be that easy forever.

     As I shake the thought out of my head I peek behind the thick trees to see if the stone wall has turned to fence yet and it has. I look behind me; no one's watching. I slip through the big branches of the trees and pop out about three feet later to meet the old rusty wire fence. The official park line ends here, but the scenery goes on for miles, the most beautiful part too.

     I follow the fence until I reach the sweet spot where the wire was broken and curled up. I hold back my hair and kneel to get under it. Once I hit the other side, everything in me changes. I step and close my eyes. This is where I let it all go. I look behind my back one more time because I can't see through.

     I follow the trail I've made over the years with stones I've gotten from the little creek, but before I go too far I grab a seed bundle from the Magnolia tree poking through the fence and i take it with me.

     The spring breeze blows through the treetops, shining with the sun. Everything has a leafy green tint to it and the wind smells of magnolias and earthy soil.

      As I venture deeper into the wooded area, the world behind me slips farther and farther away. The only sounds are natural ones. It's the only place I can truly think and breathe; be myself. Love myself. While this little world isn't anywhere near mine at all, it kind of is. There's something truly magical about being surrounded in nature, and being surrounded by no one else.

     I lift my chin to face the sky and the bold blue invaded my eyes with ease. The golden outline of the trees with the sunlight shining through is what I imagine heaven looks like.

     I proceed on through the nature following the small path I made. If you didn't know any better you'd think it's natural. Little placeholders for the ground creatures use to remember where their treats are stored for the next season. And in a way that's true; where the pebbles lead is where I find my favorite treat every season I need it to be there.

     The further I walk the more I lose myself in the world around me. I could almost close my eyes and feel my way around all of the bumps and rocks and stumps and not stumble or fall once. I know every inch of this area like I was born and raised here. The air is warm and the ground is hard, still somewhat frozen from the past winter. It doesn't stop the eager flower sprouts from racing each other to the top of the dirt surface. All around me new life grows abundantly, happily, there's a type of electricity in the ground. Full of life and excitement to grow stronger with each day into the spring season.