slowburn | billie eilish

chapter one

a/n: hi! welcome to this billie eilish fanfic. i'm not quite sure where i plan on heading with this, but i do have a few ideas. feel free to leave advice or requests in the comments, i'll try my best to incorporate them all. thank you for reading :)

**tw: a slur is used**

i love people. everyone has their moments, but i love people. all of their "flaws?" they build character. they're able to grow and adapt to extraordinary circumstances, and i believe that's amazing. they experience feelings and emotions that are so strong they overtake their whole being. as a human being myself, i also experience emotions and i feel so lucky to live life and feel them: good or bad. because of that, however, i do have judgments and thoughts regarding others, and that can't be controlled. although, i most certainly am able to try my best to control how i express them.

these metaphysical and random thoughts flow through my mind as i get ready for yet another day of my senior year of high school. as i finish running my fingers through my short chestnut hair, my mother calls me down for breakfast. "sage, my love, it's time to come downstairs."

a soft sigh leaves my mouth as i put on my leather ankle boots and head down the wooden staircase to my kitchen. i wrap my arm around my mom's shoulder, squeezing her, and kiss her cheek as a goodbye. in response, she shoos me off.

i shake my head and smile at her action, grabbing my backpack and begrudgingly a piece of toast from the countertop. "love you!"

i listen to my pencil grazing across my notebook paper while i take notes for english. right now, we're learning about this book on the struggles of a nonbinary person in the modern world. it's rare that high schools in ohio cover topics like these, and i'm thankful to learn about it. i love my teacher for how he tries to be respectful and how he takes the time to teach what he knows about this despite being a cisgender straight man.

outside the window of the small classroom, i watch a red bird stumble off of a branch but catch its balance in the air. it must be so cool to fly.

in my distraction, i miss something mr. miles asks the class. my attention is brought back when jonas next to me says, "wouldn't sage know about being in the lbgtq community? isn't she like a dyke or something?"

my eyes widen in obliterate shock, um, what the fuck? unable to stop myself, i speak my thoughts aloud and mr. miles coughs. "jonas, main office right now. you can't be using slurs like that."

i nod my head in thanks towards him, but am still in shock. what just happened. the walls of the classroom seem to move in as i feel eyes upon me from all directions.

do they like expect me to say something? because i'm not going to.

i pull the hood of my grey cropped hoodie up over my hair and try to just hone back in to mr. miles continuing his lesson with red coating my cheeks.

on my way to lunch, i have headphones in my ears playing a song called hostage by the one and only billie eilish. she is one of my favorite artists right now. while i don't actually keep up with her life, i do really appreciate her music. her soft feathery voice contrasts to the sometimes dark lyrics she sings, and together with the production co-created by her brother finneas, each song i've heard is beautiful. i don't necessarily relate to her lyrics aside from a few songs in her new album, but i find comfort in them. i absolutely adore one of her newer singles, therefore i am, a true power and confidence song.

it's also difficult to ignore her beauty and very attractive style. she isn't the stereotypical version of beauty people come across today, but i find her excessively pretty, and my opinion isn't uncommon. and her baggy, oversized style is very unique, but also so very attractive. i don't know how she pulls it off, but i respect her for it.

the music calms me from this morning's events with jonas until i feel a tap on my shouler. i pull my right airpod from my ear, lifting my eyebrow to show i'm listening.

it's a feminine presenting blonde, and they cough awkwardly before asking me if i'm okay. they tell me that they heard about what happened in mr. miles' english class this morning.

jeez, so the whole school knows about that now. okay, cool, i guess.

after telling them that i am in fact okay, they tell me, "are you actually one though? are you a lesbian?"

i want to roll my eyes at their ignorant words, but instead i nod, telling them, "yeah, i'm into women," not wanting to start conflict over an innocently intended question.

their eyes widen, and they nod before walking away. ...okay? interesting.

a sigh leaves my lips and i put my headphone back in, shaking my head. weird day.

a/n: hi! i hope that was like an okay first chapter. i haven't written creatively in a while. what do you guys want from this fanfiction? i think she's gonna meet bil in either the next or one of the next few chapters. kinda excited ab this ngl. drink water and stay safe!

word count: 918