Something I'll Never Know

Oishi's Christmas Miracle

"Everything's ready Shuichiro, ike?"

"Hai."

"You look very happy."

"Hai, because today I get to meet the second most beautiful lady of my life."

He wished it was yesterday, back to the Tennis' Prince's birthday get together. Because he was happier then; because his life was filled with color yesterday; because each breathe he took was life filling the day before. Because today all he could hear was white noise and all he could feel was empty winter wind blowing in his face. He was surrounded with friends and loved ones, but somehow he could not hear the carols being sung in the air, the dancing lights were all black and white. Even the warm cup of coffee in his hands seemed cold as the snow falling from the sky. It was Christmas, it was suppose to be a happy day.

"Sayuri, daijabu desu ka?"

"Ano, hai."

"What are you hiding behind your back?"

"Betsuni."

"Sayuri."

"Eto, Shuichiro, can you wait until you get home tonight? Then I promise to tell you."

"E?"

"Just wait until tonight, iiyo?"

He could play back the moment he first heard the news a thousand, even a million times in his head like it just happened. He could remember the details. What she wore, what was prepared on the table, what song was playing, how the words came out of her lips, every twitch of every muscle in his body as his wife's voice echoed in his ears. He could reconstruct every minor detail of that day, except one aspect. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get the joy he felt in his heart at that moment back. He tried forcing his facial muscle to twitch into a smile, but he just couldn't, no matter how desperately he tried.

"I'm pregnant!"

"E?"

"You always had that worried look on your face."

"Sumimasen."

"It's alright, even before we were friends you've always had that look in your face."

"What do you mean?"

"You have that look that says you care for the people you love, and you best express that love by worrying for their welfare."

"You really interpreted it that way? You're truly something special Sayuri."

"Not as special as you Shuichiro."

He wonders where that look has gone. And what look he walked around with today. Has he become a totally different person in a matter of hours, in a day, in a flash of life? He lifts his eyes to the night sky and gently closes his eyes as the snowflakes brush his cheeks. He wanted to fall asleep and just forget about everything that had happened, but every time he closed his eyes, he could see the flashing lights, his body goes numb, his heart starts racing, his mind goes blank, and he feels empty and lost.

"Sayuri, why do you keep kissing me every chance you get?"

"I don't want to miss the chance."

"You know, I won't be able to drive properly if you keep stealing a kiss."

"It's just on the cheek."

"And why do you keep staring at me?"

"I'm pretty sure, she looks like you."

"I was kind of hoping she looked like you."