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iv. playing pretend
Only when the sun began to sneak through the barrier of the blackened sky did Nova Scott finally fall asleep. A breeze blew inside from the forgotten balcony doors. As her tired eyes blinked to life the rays of the sun began to pour like orange juice across her white floor, warming the room.
A weight had fallen over her body. And not a metaphorical one. An arm lay lazily draped across Nova's stomach. Attached the arm was a wrist decorated with an all too familiar pink braided friendship bracelet.
Sleep deprivation had made Nova forget that Sarah had ended up in her bed during the late hours of the night. Nova woke only enough to make room on the bed for her and lift up her heavy duvet so that Sarah could slide under with her. There was no time to ask about the smeared mascara on Sarah's puffy pink cheeks. As seconds later both girls had fallen asleep.
Nova turned, Sarah was already lying awake, mascara still staining her now dry cheeks. Using her thumb, Nova brushed the dried makeup off her best friend's face.
"What happened last night?" Nova finally asked.
Sighing, Sarah rolled over onto her back, staring silently at the high ceiling. She ran a hand over her face before speaking, "Topper told me that he loved me."
Nova furrowed her eyebrows, assuming those words would be news that Sarah would want to joyously sing to Nova, not the kind that made her end up in the same bed as her past three in morning, crying.
Willing herself to sit up, Nova finally managed to get out of bed, though keeping a close eye on Sarah, just to let her know she was still listening to her.
"He loves me. Topper loves me..." she sat suddenly from her lying position. "And I still wasn't ready to have sex with him!"
"Just because someone says they love you doesn't mean you owe them sex, Sarah."
Nova wished she was able to take her own advice. Wanting love so bad, she constantly fooled herself into believing these boys' false declarations and fell into bed with them, because she wanted their words to be true. Each time she wanted the boy to be the exception to the last. Sarah shouldn't have to go through what she had.
"I know that," Sarah assured quickly, nodding her head. "And Topper understood... I think. I'm just really confused."
"You're confused because you aren't ready," said Nova, placing her hairbrush back onto her dresser before turning to face her best friend. "It's a big step for a lot of people. If you aren't ready, don 't feel bad about it."
"You've done it," pouted Sarah.
Nova scoffed, "And look where it's gotten me."
She was right. Sarah knew that too. There'd too many late nights of Sarah consoling a broken-hearted Nova. Holding her from night until morning. Threatening to take the life of those who lied to her best friend. Nova would be that person for Sarah in a heartbeat too. But she wanted to avoid having to be for as long as she could.
