In your eyes

~NOT an Update~

Hey guys,

I am so sorry!! I have not been updating at all and so I have been a little angry at myself. I know that I haven't updated in a while so I am trying to pick this story back up again. Also its the new year!!! Since I haven't updated in a while I will be telling you a few things that have happened since I last updated. (Might be a little long so you don't have to read it if you don't want to)

- At the end of November my school went into distance learning until after the New Year

- On December 19th I got a new baby cousin, she is a girl named Zoey and is adorable

- Christmas was very busy I had 4 Christmas within a span of 4 days (since I have divorced parents)

- At the Christmas Party with my moms side of the family I got in a big fight with my cousin and after that me and her didn't talk for a while

- New Years was pretty busy also I had 2 New Years parties

- For the first 3 days of 2021 I was at my dads so I didn't really hear anything that was going on my moms side of the family so while I was at my dads my friend was over and we had fun, I met some of my dads friends, and my auntie Julia got a new boyfriend who just happens to be one of my dads friends😂

~this is where everything in 2021 makes it the worst year of my life~

- After I got back to my moms house I was called to my cousins house cause my parents had to tell me something and ask me some questions. When I got there it was just me and my mom because the rest of my siblings were at home. (FLASHBACK: a few days before this on the 1st, my cousin emailed me and said that her mom found all the yaoi, bl, basically all of the gay shit that she has on her phone, and that I should watch out and be careful because she might tell my mom) So mind at this point in time I thought they called us over to tell us this and that I was in some deep trouble. Well I sat down on their couch and that is when they told me that a few days earlier my cousin (who I was very VERY close with and had a very strong bond with) tried to commit suicide and was being held in the mental hospital that we have in our town. Either way this took me by shock and I cried for days. I did talk to her while she was there because her parents and I were the only people on the list who could talk to her

- She is out now but whenever I see her I don't know what to say to her anymore and at the end of everyday I have nightmares about what happened and so I haven't been getting any sleep in 2021

- Now if you go back you see that during a Christmas party me and her got into this huge fight and I kinda avoided her the whole night and stuff. After the party we didn't talk at all. I thought that she was also avoiding me so I didn't really bother to apologize or anything because I was really mad and wasn't going to talk to her until she apologized to me. Anyways after she told me she got her phone taken away I figured that was why we weren't talking. (I didn't see her message until a few days after and by this time she was in the hospital and I still didn't know she was) When I replied to her message she didn't respond to me so of course I was really down and stuff

- After I had found out I really did think that she did all of this because I was mad at her and because I didn't talk to her for a long time so I really beat myself up over this

- Another thing that happened was my aunt called my mom over to her house and showed her the stuff that was on my cousins phone and told her that she should check mine and stuff so yeah my mom found out about my stuff. I did get my phone taken away but it was only for a day so it wasn't that bad

- Like I said I blamed myself a lot, and including my parents finding the stuff on my phone, and I did actually have a lot of problems at school and stuff so in the middle of January I asked my parents if I could start going to see a therapist and they said yes so now I am going to be seeing someone about all of the problems in my life. I have also figured out that I have severe anxiety and stuff so YEAHHH

- (When you thought it couldn't get any worse) After all of this I was told that because of something that happened at my cousins house my uncle was kicked out of the house and is now living with his parents while they settle things or whatever and that also really ate me up inside.

- Like two weeks after the incident with my cousin I was with my mom for the weekend and she said that we were going to go skiing with my cousins and their mom (same cousin that hurt herself) and so I was kinda excited for that but not really. It was really awkward because I rode with my cousins family to the place and I just sat in the back not knowing what to say

- When we got to the skiing place they didn't have the thing that we wanted to do so we ended up going bowling instead and play in the arcade that we have there, we also ate pizza

- We got to the new place and we first played at the arcade while we waited for pizza and I kinda had fun but not really, then we went to eat and by this time I already was separating myself from the rest of the group, when we were eating I sat at a table with my two cousins and my sister. My one cousin and my sister were talking and then my cousins sister buts in and starts saying some mean stuff to my cousin and then they started arguing and my sister joined in also. Anyways it was a huge mess and the things they were saying were really making me sad because it was about the whole situation and stuff so I told them that I was going to the bathroom. Little did they know that when I was in the bathroom I had like a minor panic attack and I started hyperventilating and stuff. Yeah it was really bad

- Anyways during bowling I didn't really talk to anyone because my cousin was just talking to my sister so that was when I figured out that we have drifted apart. Anyways I felt really sad about this so I just wrote it down in my journal thingy

- A week after all of that I went to my friends house to get my mind off of everything and it kinda worked. It was nice to see her and now we are starting to get close and stuff so thats good ig. When we were at her house we were playing beat saber, we went on omegle met some pretty cool people, talked about things, ate ice cream, played some ukuleles, I learned a song on the guitar, I talked with her brother and his friend that was over (they are three years younger than us) and her brother have me his hoodie because I was cold and I started to have another panic/anxiety attack, but they helped me through that so yeah

- A few weeks ago I got a baby kitten, his name is bob, and he is soooooo adorable

- I started some new animes

- I started having trouble sleeping at night

- I also have a lot of boy problems about ONE FREAKING BOY so I am trying to drop him because it hasn't been very healthy for my health. Anyways yeah I'm not going to talk about them because it is going to take to long to explain and you will probably even more bored then what you are now

- Lastly it was my sisters birthday last Tuesday so she got to do all of this cool stuff and go to the mall and go on a shopping spree. Which I never get to do so I was really mad and jealous about that so yeah I was thinking about asking for that this year for my birthday since its in May right before school gets out and its my golden birthday. Anyways thats enough listing things so I'll get on with the outro now😅

For this outro I am going to be saying a few things. First I am going to be working a lot more on the story now because I feel like I can do it since I can't go to bed till 5 in the morning anyways. Second thanks for listening to me rant about life because it has been very rough for me lately. Third I do still get homework and have classes and school so it might not be constant one after the other but I will certainly try my hardest. Please don't be to mad at me for not updating but I am almost done with the third chapter and will be posting it soon. I have also decided that I will be doing the short stories after I complete the book. So when I finish the main chapters I am going to open a request page. Thank you so much for reading stay tuned until the next update.