Damon

Chapter 10

That same sinking feeling in my stomach that I get when I think about my dad appears but this time it feels deeper.

I am so angry. He didn't have a problem leaving me as a kid, why can't he leave me alone now? After the shit he put us through, he thinks it's okay to contact me? No. He can go fuck off.

I kind of feel bad for being so mad. He's freaking dying and he's my dad. It's like I want to feel all the hateful emotions that fill me up right now but a part of me feels guilty for feeling them.

Nah, fuck that.

He left me, Melina, and my mom when we needed him most. He's a piece of shit.

I look at my phone screen for a couple of seconds before my fingers move to type:

Don't ever contact me again

I move my thumb over to the back button, deleting the characters I just typed. I lean my head into the palm of my other hand, realizing how harsh that is. I can't say that to him in the state that he's in.

What if he's lying to me? What if he made up cancer as a way to get me back into his life? That's fucked up. I almost click his profile to block him but I hesitate. But what if it's true?

Ugh, I don't know what to do and this is making my head hurt.

I decide not to respond. I am going to pretend I didn't see his message and I am definitely not telling mom or Melina about this. I don't need to stress myself out way more than I already am. Besides, just because he is dying doesn't make what he did right and he doesn't deserve my response. Maybe it is for the better that he is gone. I want nothing more. I think that but I know a part of me hurts at the thought of him passing. And I hate that I can't hate him completely.

To take my mind off things, I decide to bring out my sketchpad and one of my pencils. I sit down at my desk and try to think of things to draw. With the tip of my pencil gently curving circles and ovals on the paper, I decided to do a self-portrait. I first draw out the base before moving on to the details of my head and body.

Finished, I proudly look down at myself on the page. It is an image of what I want to be. Smiling and genuinely happy. I even added deeper lines on the corner of my eyes to give the appearance of a happier person.

~~~

Around 3 in the afternoon, I took a much-needed jog around my street. I even put on my earphones to listen to some Cardi B to keep my blood pumping.

I made it back home drenched in sweat and breathing heavily. I feel so good but so thirsty so I open my fridge and grabbed a bottle of water. I drank from that bottle like I haven't had water in weeks. The cold liquid going down my throat felt so refreshing.

I walk upstairs and run myself a bath. Once the bathtub is filled, I quickly undress and step in. I like the water to be super hot to the point where it feels like it's burning all my stress away. For a moment sitting in the bath, I feel at peace. Like there is nothing to worry about in the world. Nothing matters except this very moment. I'm home, in the company of myself only, in a cozy and warm bath with nothing bothering me. I could lay here forever.

It took me forever to decide to get out of the bathtub. The only thing motivating me to do so is the new season of my favorite show that was just released on Netflix. I can lay on the couch and binge-watch it for the rest of the night. Nothing sounds more perfect. Just a night to myself. I don't need to think about anything else. Not my dad, not Jen, not Jacob, and definitely not Damon. Everything is okay, even if it's just for tonight.

---------

(Sorry for the short chapter, I needed a filler!   -Em)