Paranoia

House Paranoia 1

I'm sitting here with my back pressed against a soft red chair that faces away from a two-story old house. The oleander trees infront of me provided a roof of leaves over my head and darkness straight ahead. The streetlights illuminated through the leafs, providing me with light and security. I wondered, what would it be like to have the volume turned up to 100, the lights in the world completely turned off, the temperature just perfect, and your body fuzzy and cozy all at the same time?
I took a hit from my rainbow colored silicone hand me down pipe that I stored on the inside of my coat pocket to prevent anyone from being able to spot it when I walk by. My throat had a burning sensation in reaction to the weed I had just inhaled (Perfectly normal) and after about 3 minutes of just sitting there, my eyes felt heavy, my voice felt different and I grew anxious. I sat there, swinging my head in different directions to see what was going on, observing my surroundings. I felt relaxed, anxious, and nervous all in one. I heard a car door slam, I wasn't sure from what direction though. In the front of the house, to the side of the house, or back here in the empty driveway just on the other side of the oleander trees to my right, I grew confused and nervous. I was perfectly hidden behind a greenhouse and a huge pomegranate tree infront of that that blocked me from the view of the back door, it made it hard to keep a lookout.
To my left it sounded like footsteps coming toward me, I panicked and swung my head around the corner to see who was coming, there was nothing there.
I came to my senses for a good minute, I knew where I was, what was happening, and I felt back to normal. It lasted for only a minute until I started feeling high again. The sounds intensified and I felt like I was hearing the whole neighborhood from my house. I looked over the corner to see someone carrying the laundry out to the dryer that was setup in the garage, this was it, go time. I decided to rush up those stairs sneakily as soon they were out of sight, as I was able to see into the driveway, I realized that there was no car. Infact, a car never actually pulled up, it was all in my head.
I was able to get past him and inside the house, I felt like an ant, I felt smaller and my surroundings appeared bigger. I shut myself in my room and looked at myself in the mirror. I had pierced red eyes and a grin that I couldn't stop from surfacing, I looked...crazy.
I used handsanitizer to remove the smell of weed from my hands, perfume to deny the smell from being there (Although probably enhanced the smell) and lit some incense to cancel all suspicions. After I turned out the light to make it appear that I was sleeping, I threw myself into my VERY comfortable bed and began eating like a cow through my bedside snacks. Taking four or five of my veggie straws and shoving them in my mouth, then taking a handful of my sunchips and taking those down, and then taking down 5 or so Chips Ahoy cookies, just whatever I could get my hands on. Then I grew thirsty, my mouth felt slimy and dry. I opened my mini fridge and ate some whip cream that doesn't come out of the bottle looking all pretty since I decided to inhale the bottle, and after that? Taking some of my vanilla chai naked drink and downing that too. I felt like I was watching myself outside my body, and with everytime I chewed food, it seemed to echo throughout my body, it was so loud. I laughed, the walls are so thin and my room is attached to a bathroom that connects to the living room, so anyone can use the bathroom from my bedroom (Although impossible from my room because I have it closed with my bed up against it) but anyone from the living room could enter and exit. I laughed because I felt ridiculous and could hear myself munching away at all of this food like a pig and someone could probably be hearing me reach my hand into a bag continuously and snacking from my bedroom. I put the food away and brought my attention to the TV that had been playing Avatar The Last Airbender in the background the whole time.
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You know what the scariest part about all of that is? Feeling like you're living in reality when it's all illusions. Feeling disconnected and lost from yourself. Feeling confused, lost, scared and happy at the same time. How can you feel happy when you're lost and scared? It's weird.
I just feel so warm and fuzzy that nothing seems to irritate me. Anyway, this was my take on writing about the paranoia..but will be continued. 🙂