lyric imagines ; mattia polibio

falling

falling - harry styles

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i'm in my bed, and you're not here

i layed on my back, staring at the popcorn-like ceiling above me. how did i get here? she's gone, and she's never gonna come back.

and there's no one to blame but the drink in my wandering hands

i grabbed the half empty bottle of gin next to my bed and chugged it, hissing at the burning sensation going down my throat. how could i be so stupid? how on earth could i let myself fuck up the best thing that ever happened to me?

forget what i said, it's not what i meant

"because.. BECAUSE I DON'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE Y/N!"

"what.." she said taken aback.

"you heard me. i don't love you anymore. i'm sorry."

how could i ever have said that to her? it wasn't true at all. i loved her with everything in me and i always would. i thought i was protecting her, saving her from myself. i still do. i'm so messed up, she deserves so much better than a lousy drunk guy like me.

and i can't take it back, i can't unpack the baggage you left

i could never tell her i didn't mean it. i don't know what would hurt her more, letting her be without me or telling her it was all a lie and i think about her every second of everyday. when i open my eyes i see her next to me, when i close them she's in my dreams. everything i do reminds me of her. i don't know how one can live like this, when everything is just a memory of a lost love.

what am i now? what am i now? what if i'm someone i don't want around?

i hated myself for how i hurt her. i hated myself for loving someone as perfect as her knowing that i'm a shitbag who can't do anything right. i don't want to live with myself, i don't want to have to look in the mirror everyday and face the honest truth that i'm the one that caused her all this pain.

i'm falling again, i'm falling again, i'm falling

five shots at the nearby bar, a beer to go. a long, dizzy walk through the cold night. she's in the stars, she's in the sky. i can't close my eyes forever, she's in there too. two more bottles of hard liquor bought from the store, a sorry attempt to forget that she's not with me. it never works. how could i be so stupid?

what if i'm down? what if i'm out? what if i'm someone you won't talk about?

does she think about me as much as i think about her? what does she say to her friends and her family? does she miss me? does she hate me? does she talk about me at all? or was i too much of a mistake? i can't breathe anywhere, there isn't enough air.

i'm falling again, i'm falling again, i'm falling

i sat on the edge of the road next to the railing. we would always come up here together, look over the city and the mountains beyond. what a pretty town we live in, too bad i only see the beauty when she's around.