Being Her Idiot... Exclusively

10. Being Free

I left Randhir's room abruptly. I was scared... scared about what would happen today when I meet her... scared about what would I say to her... scared about how I showed my vulnerable side to Randhir... Scared about what would have happened if I would have stayed there any longer.

I was walking on the side step of the road. The city was waking up slowly. Paper boys were on their duties, few school kids were waiting on the side of the road for their bus. Wind was blowing through my hair and gently caressing my face but all I could think about was my hug with Randhir and how it would go with my mom.

What must he be thinking when I hugged him abruptly? Does he think I am scared? Of course he does... I specifically told him that.

What will I say to my mom when I meet her today? Should I call her mom or Sonam Jain? How will today go? Will she recognise me?

That is when I started feeling cool raindrops on my face. They felt good as against my hot skin and burning thoughts. All I want is a normal life, with an end to all this. I asked a bystander about NEW LIFE NGO. Its an NGO for women and kids. My mom works there.

I still dont know what will I say to her? I had been practicing this conversation in my head over and over again for 10 years but no, nothing seems right. I dont want today to go terribly. I just felt under prepared. Should I buy her flowers or something? I feel as if I am about to give me Physics exam all over again.

Though I was deliberately walking slowly, the red brick building of the NGO was visible now from a distance. There was no turning back now. It was now or never.

Sanyukta, you can do this! Randhir's words rang in my head. That guy had more faith in me than I had in myself. It's not like I dont know that he has a thing for me. It is so obvious with him being all shy and nervous around me, remembering even the smallest details of whatever I tell him and just being there for me and putting up with my craziness. He tries to hide it well, but growing up alone I am very observant, I notice all his little efforts to make me happy. But I don't acknowledge them. I know its rude and I shouldn't do this but... its not like he is a bad guy. He is really nice, everything a girl would ask for. He has been putting up with all my tantrums all this time but how can I lead him on when I am already in such a huge mess called my life. I don't want him to feel left out just because I can't solve my own issues, moreover I don't want to burden him with my emotional baggage. That will be so selfish, wouldn't it be?

I was thinking all this when I found myself outside the gate of the huge building.

"Yes ma'am... Do you have an appointment?" A watchman asked me and I looked around confused. Do I really want to go in there?

I was about to say no when someone interrupted me.

"Are you Mitali? You are here for the interview, right?" This voice... This soothing, comforting voice. The voice that had sung lullabies to me. I looked up at the source of this voice and saw the woman I had come to meet here. Sonam Jain Kashyap. But now her name tag said Sonam Mehra.
So she remarried.
Of course, she did. A bitter chuckle came in my throat but I stopped it from escaping.

I just wanted to look at her for a while. She hadn't changed much, except that few of her hair had turned gray and she had some wrinkles on her face but she still looked beautiful in that salwar kurta as always. Mustard colour always suited her. She had her hair down, unlike how she used to keep it in a bun when she was still Sonam Kashyap. Taking a deep breath and gulping, I croaked out a small yes.

Damn, what am I doing? Why don't I confront her directly? What has happened to you, Sanyukta? What if the real Mitali comes in? What happened to all your resolutions and questions you had to ask her?