Coraline

Sorry not sorry

Things between my girlfriend and I seemed to be going smoothly, my earlier plan to self sabotage the relationship for her was just a faded memory. Did I still like her while being with another girl? I myself didn't know the answer to that. Our bond was setting back into a normal stride, we weren't doing the things we use to do as close pals. It seemed we were falling out. I had turned my focus elsewhere and she had too but the communication was there. You get the idea. One evening, my girlfriend and I were having a conversation about our pasts and I mentioned her. She asked me if I still have feelings for this girl I was talking to before I met her. I never really answered the question. I avoided it by changing the subject. It was then I realized I wasn't happy with my relationship. I did have everything from the love to the sex to the emotional support but something wasn't hitting right. I was closer to my best friend than I was to my girlfriend even though my best friend and I haven't been talking as much as we used to. I felt she understood me more than the one who I was with right now. Funny enough I wasn't thinking of leaving, I still wanted to see where this would go. I wasn't the type to give up on people very quickly.

A few months had passed and the drama I had been through was more than enough to write a script to a one season rom-com. I was in a toxic relationship. Yes I admit it, the one I was with right now was the worst person I have ever been with. A person who always runs away from problems and never solved them, doesn't know what they're doing with their lives no ambition what so ever. That's on me though, I shouldn't have jumped right onto the love boat. And as all things have a beginning so do they have an end. My relationship with the girl my peers pressured me into dating finally broke down. Yeah I was single again and the best part was I didn't do anything. No self sabotage what so ever. Everything was a hundred percent on my recent ex. To top it all off, a simple situation which could've been handled maturely but rather was handled like two middle school kids dating for the first time was what broke us apart and I'm glad it did. I wasn't going to rush into another relationship and my first thought was going back to my one and only suitable companion. My recent relationship taught that even with all the sex, the fun, and what ever positives are there, it will always be the personality of a person that would determine how far you would both go.

I dialed her number hoping we could've our usual late night talk but there was no answer. I called her three times but she didn't pick. I'm guessing she was asleep.

My anxiety was through the roof. I got funny thoughts. Had she cut me off? Is she ignoring me? Do I deserve the silent treatment? I felt like a gambler at a casino who had lost his previous winnings at the blackjack table. Everything in my love life was seemingly falling into place and I rushed things because I wasn't patient enough. Let that be a lesson to you all. Don't be like me.

It's been weeks and I still didn't hear from her. I then came to the conclusion that she wants nothing to do with me anymore, my so called best friend had gone of the grid.