Not Sorry I Want You

22 1980's Cinderella

Ever sat quietly and then it drowned on you, your life didn't have much meaning? That you didn't know where it was taking you, that you seriously didn't understand your life?

It happens sometimes to some people, that's why we shouldn't judge others. Jade felt it as she sat hugging her legs with her back against her bedboard.

She'd not slept a wink last night, just trying to understand herself, she tried to retrace all she'd been doing all the eighteen and a half years of her life and couldn't find a spot to drop her anchor.

There weren't any remarkable events for her, something like a big birthday party she enjoyed, or a good badge in the church, not even a silver medal in the commonest of sports nothing.

All she was good at was getting straight A's and getting kicked on. She didn't even have a strong relationship with her parents like she thought she had and her sister's behavior was still a stunner.

Yes hadn't been the bonding type and everyone gave her space. Maybe even too much space, because she became so deep in herself that she hadn't realized the world was moving on and leaving her behind for eighteen and a half years.

Yes, she was eighteen and a half but she looked no more than sixteen, maybe because she didn't act like her age mates did.

Hell, the first graders were probably more legit and stylish than she ever was. She acted like a 1980's Cinderella in trouser pants, so outdated whenever she dressed. Lord have mercy!

But that wasn't even the point, after the call from her dad the day before, she decided to skip school, she wasn't ready to look at it ever again.

She'd come home that day to her visa on the table, suite cases packed and waiting for her arrival.

They were planning on shipping her to Scotland.

Why so far? Yes, she had British origins but they'd been staying in California since she was 12, she didn't like the thought of starting all over again in her new environment and new school, but what could she say?

Her parents thought it was best for her and she didn't have a voice, never had. They'd received a letter from the school requesting a meeting on her case.

They had suggested that she needed a new environment and apologized and compensated heavily for all the illegal acts that took place in their school which they'd swore they knew nothing about.
Lies!!

So her parents had decided to of course ship her like a box of socks. She hated that they didn't need her opinion even on matters that were based mainly on her.

She didn't want to leave California or her home, or maybe Adrian they were the only sanctuaries she had, she was used to the feeling of being called a weakling, she wasn't ready for the change, she was used to blending in the walls at home and school and didn't want anything more

To think of it Adrian was probably there because he felt her too fragile to be on her own, felt he needed to be there or she would just miss in space, she thought.

So she didn't want to change, she wanted to be that frail, innocent girl who needed both guidance and protection and she needed that from him, she was craving it. She blushed at the thought.

Yes, it was probably weak, and disgusting but she hadn't a care in the world. Our lives never come with guidelines anyway, life just throws you in any spot then you do whatever you can.
Worse you don't even know what to do so you just go with the wind

Aside from her pity-filled life, she thought of him too, what the moments they shared, she loved the feelings he came along with, the attention, the care, and lots more, it made her blush to her toes.

"Stupid," she thought
"He probably doesn't like me much, who am I kidding?" She thought.

"A 1980s Cinderella like me" she burst into laughter a weird sound but she couldn't help it.

Then it was all interrupted by a knock on her door. She didn't answer yet, her mum walked in.
"Good no one cares for my opinions but at least a bit of privacy Mrs. "

What's the laughing about love? Are you okay?
Good she couldn't laugh anymore, least she'd be tagged "going insane"

Although she got her voice back, she didn't want to use it, when she came home her parents had to stand several feet away from her in order not to violate any others

Adrian didn't want to leave until she persuaded him she was fine and could handle it, he only left reluctantly, when she promised to call him if she felt even the slightest discomfort.

She rolled her eyes a bit, enough to not get noticed.
"Am fine" she replied dryly
Her mum sighed then walked the length to her bed.

"time to leave." She leaped off her bed went straight for her bathroom and locked herself inside. She wasn't about to hear the parental talk now or ever.

They failed her, they knew it she understood they felt extremely bad for it but shipping her away wasn't the way to go about it

They hadn't spoken more than a few words to her since she got back but she knew they'd known everything by now.

Who cares? Damage's been done already, wounds are already down deep. She wanted everything and everyone silent.

She clutched her phone in her palms then turned it on and played

Maybe by Lewis Capaldi
Then
Bruises by Lewis Capaldi

She placed her phone on a ceramic table next to her, took off her clothes filled the bathtub with warm water, and went in.

She could hear her mum sobbing behind the door. "Jan is sorry, please forgive her," she said

She sighed, she didn't want to think anymore, she wanted things to happen the way they wanted she didn't have the strength to fight there wasn't any motivation yet.

She didn't hear her mum leave or knock she fell asleep in the bathtub.