Masked Deceit

Chapter 1: Stay With Me

I could feel my heart racing as I paced around my apartment's bathroom. This could be the moment I've been waiting for my entire life. I refused to look at the plastic stick sitting on the sink, waiting to tell me my future. I imagined breaking the news to Damien as nothing but chaos. He would eventually have to come to his senses and realize this would be best for us. The anticipation was building up in my core as a single droplet of sweat dropped from my forehead. The nervousness swirled around in my stomach along with my breakfast. 

"Just look."  the tiny voice in my head said.

And so I did.

Not Pregnant

"Fucking bullshit," I whispered to myself. I don't know why I keep bothering anymore. I'm only 23 and I still have my entire life ahead of me. I don't need this. I pressed my hands firmly against my lower abdomen. I had been so sure this time. My feet were hurting for a week and I had aching pains all over.  Even terrible cramping. It made no sense...

Unless breaking in my new winter boots and running an extra mile on Thursday made it all add up...

And there it was. I made it all up. Though, it still didn't explain the cramping. Once again I had convinced myself I was pregnant and that my life would finally amount to something. 

Once again I had disappointed myself.

I knew he was going to be home soon and it would be an ugly sight if he found any of this stuff, again. The first time we had a scare he remained adamant that he didn't want children, at least not with me anyway. He screamed at me constantly that if the test was positive I was to get rid of it. No questions asked. Right then I knew that if we didn't have a child sooner rather than later, he would leave me. From that moment on I knew how I would be able to keep him around, preferably for the rest of my life.

In the kitchen, I could hear the sound of keys struggling to open the door. I hurriedly hid the used pregnancy test and locked the bathroom door. I sat on the toilet, my ears listening attentively. The door opened, he walked to the kitchen and set his keys down on the counter. His footsteps entered the kitchen and I could hear his curiosity about what was in the oven. Lasagna, that would be finished in no less than 15 minutes.

"Claudia? I'm home. I picked up some things from the market." He really is an amazing man, except in the moments when he wasn't. I flushed the toilet as I rose, so he didn't suspect anything wrong. "I'm in the bathroom, give me a minute. I made dinner, it'll be out shortly." I covered the test in as much garbage as a small bathroom could have and exited.

"Have you heard back from any of the sites?" He asked.

"Just one, Kingsley Enterprise wants me for an interview."

I had just heard back from them today.

"Good, it's about time someone went our way." I looked up confused but ignored his words.

I'd been looking for a job ever since my firm closed down last December. Money has been tight ever since. You would think that a degree in business marketing would make it easier to find a job, except it's the complete opposite. I suppose I just wasn't what anyone was looking for. Plus, everyone in this field is desperate for a high-paying job.

"So then, when is your interview?" He said, pulling me from my thoughts.

"Tomorrow actually. I'm ready though. It should really be a breeze."

He nodded his head in response and went to take out the food from the oven.

"You'll do great, I'm sure of it. Just don't put on that whorish skirt you think is so professional."

I rolled my eyes. He thinks anything I wear is considered slutty, but he'd consider it hot on any other woman.

"Yeah. Okay."

I responded plainly. I took out plates for the two of us and sat them at the table as he went to the bathroom. I wasn't too worried, I knew he wouldn't find anything. We talked about random topics while we ate our dinner, but I could tell something was off. His tie sat loosely around his neck and his hair was parted in a different direction than it was this morning. I knew the signs, I'm not an idiot. Or maybe I was because I chose not to say anything.

"Claudia."

His deepened voice put me back into the conversation. I looked into his eyes as they went dark.

"I'm not happy."

I looked up from my plate.

"What do you mean? I didn't add a whole lot of sauce this time, babe."

I never call him babe. Only when I know something bad is about to follow. I hoped that playing dumb would end the conversation.

"No Claud, I'm not happy here. I love you, I promise I do, but I'm just not happy."

I could feel my heart drop to my stomach. I was waiting for this to happen. I wasn't enough to make him happy. I couldn't say anything. I just looked at him, trying to read his face and for the first time, I couldn't.

"Why? Am I seriously not enough for you?" I finally responded without thinking.

I wish I could take those words back.

"I just can't keep up with your shit." His hand slammed down on the table as he rose and startled me.

He went from 0 to 100 and I saw his mood change completely.

"All the fucking time and I'm sick of it." He now stood over me, looking down at my small frame. "You lost your fucking job and all you do is bitch and complain to me. Your firm didn't close Claudia, you got fired. You have no grip on reality... We're miserable and you know it." He was in my face.

I backed my chair up and stood up.

I didn't even realize the wet tears streaming down my face. I could see red as my face heated. I was angry and upset. How dare he say those things to me. I do everything for him and this is how he repays me. He went silent, his eyes refusing to meet mine. I could feel his hot breath in front of me. I couldn't even think straight. Again, without thinking, I spoke.

"Damien, I'm pregnant. We're having a baby."

and just like that, pain, then everything went dark.