Masked Deceit

Chapter 4: 10 Minutes

I couldn't even process what was happening. I felt a familiar overwhelming sickness in my stomach. One that I hadn't felt so strongly in a long time.

It was the same way I felt when he hurt me for the first time.

Not physically, but emotionally.

Since then, that feeling has always lingered. Whenever he would raise his voice, come home late from work, and even when we had sex, I would still feel that sickness and disgust from him.

I still remember the day it started. Two years ago on my birthday. I was having a party at my parent's house with family and friends. He was hours late and I was sick to my stomach with worry. I couldn't even eat. I thought something awful had happened to him. My little sister, Jules, had comforted me while everyone else mingled.

Then, he came in stumbling through the front door reeking of sex, booze, and Chanel No. 5. It was shameful and embarrassing. I couldn't even speak to him when, nor did he speak to me. Although everyone acted like nothing was happening, the tension in the house spoke for itself.

Later that night, after everyone had gone home, I accused him of having an affair. He never even denied it. He just laughed and said I was having a "long day" while walking away.

Little did I know, Jules was eavesdropping around the corner the whole time. When I caught her I sat her down on the couch and made her promise me something. I made her promise to never be with a man like Damien. It was probably the best advice I could give to any fifteen-year-old. She promised me she wouldn't and I still pray she won't break it. It would break my heart.

Afterward, we went back to my apartment and had sex. He did things he knew I was uncomfortable with, but I don't think he cared. I had bruises and marks on my body and refused to look at myself in the mirror. I was disgusted. I didn't even know who he was that day.

I had pushed the memory of that day so far back but at this moment it was all I could think about, what life would be like if I had just left instead of forcing him to love me. The feelings I felt then are the same ones I'm feeling now.

Although, I'm stronger than I was then. I learned all his little manipulative tricks and used them back on him. I learned how to bend the truth in my favor and make him want me again. Yet, nowadays it felt like it was all slipping through my fingers. He got meaner and developed more aggression since then.

I stood there and stayed silent for so long. I wasn't crying or shaking. I just stood there thinking about every moment that took me to where I was now. I could feel his eyes on me, waiting for me to say something, but I couldn't. Everything around me was blurry. He was sitting right in front of me but I felt like I couldn't even see him. It was like I was looking right through him and watching all of our memories play like a montage. It was sad. Thinking of every red flag I knew about but pretended to be oblivious to. It seemed like I was standing there for hours in my own head. I can admit that I've made poor decisions during our relationship, but I never would have done anything to hurt him.

Now, I wasn't even sure.

After what felt like forever, he broke the silence.

"Claudia, I love you. But I believe Melissa."

I still didn't speak.

"...Which means one of two things... That baby isn't mine... or you aren't pregnant at all."

I still didn't speak.

"I went to CVS today and got you a couple of pregnancy tests. Just take them and I promise I won't be mad. I understand why you thought you might have been pregnant, so I guess it's okay this time."