End Games

Chapter 34: Liminality

It was late evening when Casey took her teddy bear and left the classroom where she and Quinn were studying to become L's replacements. The small girl walked out onto the chilly autumn field that surrounded Wammy's House and hugged her teddy bear close as she scanned the area for their teacher. She spotted his slouched back, raven head and signature white shirt and jeans by the pond, where he sat looking at the sunset. She went over to him. At first L did not acknowledge the girl as he continued to stare off into the distance. Casey walked closer to him and noticed a thin, wispy stream of smoke rising from his hands.
"You're gonna die you know..." Said the small girl, fixing her honey eyes on the the cigarette in L's hand. The raven-haired man looked at her as he held the thin roll between his index finger and thumb.
"Everyone dies, Casey." He said simply. "One cigarette isn't going to kill me, you know that."
"It's not just that, you take other things too, things that can kill. I've seen Dr. Moresly give them to you. He doesn't have your best interest in mind." She said from where she stood.
L glanced at her and saw concern written on her face. He flexed his toes on the bench and looked at the ground, thinking of how Casey's sentiment was wasted on him. It was nice of her to worry, but as things were, L himself didn't have his own best interest in mind.
"You don't like Dr. Moresly?" Asked L.
The girl shook her head. "If I tell you the truth about what I think of him, will you tell him?"
"No."
The girl took a seat on the bench next to the detective. "There's something off about him...I think he's too nice to everyone and he smiles too much, which makes me think that he's hiding something."
'Very perceptive...' L noted.
"I can't quite put my finger on it, but he just seems fake, like he's putting on a show for everyone all the time." Said the girl.
L neither confirmed nor denied her statement. He would have liked to praise her observation skills, but he simply stayed quiet and looked out into the distance. The sun was just over the horizon, the same as when he and Misa talked of love on top of that Ferris Wheel ages ago. He caught himself thinking about her again and berated himself for it.
'Now even sunsets belong to her, how inconvenient...' He thought as he took a puff of the cigarette. It was truly a detestable thing, but he found that he'd stopped caring.
Moments passed and a cold breeze assaulted them, rustling the leaves off the trees and whisking them away. Its cool sting was like a sharp reminder that winter was just around the corner. L didn't react to it but he noticed that the Casey was shivering. She really shouldn't have gone out there without a jacket.
"Why are you out here Casey? I gave you plenty of theorems to prove, have you done them all?" He asked.
The girl looked at her teddy bear, and plucked at its ears with a frown.
"I'm stuck." She said meekly.
"Stuck already?" Asked L, not entirely surprised.
"Yes, and Quinn is stuck on that computer program you gave him, though he's too proud to admit it." She said.
L sighed. What was he going to do with those two? Soon he would have his lobotomy and if something were to happen to him, he needed Quinn and Casey to take over as L, but they had a long way to go...
With one last glance at the sunset, he threw his cigarette in the pond and stood up to go back inside.
-inside the classroom-
Quinn released a frustrated sigh. He'd been looking at the same line of code on his laptop for over an hour with no results. No matter what he did to that program, it always locked itself, asking for the same 25-character password that he did not know, and if he made even one mistake, whatever valuable data L had for him inside that program would get erased. The only way around it was to magically uncover the 25-character password that would unlock the data, but of course, only L knew it, and although he'd given Quinn the option to try and trick him into revealing the password, the young pupil knew better than to even attempt it.
Quinn glanced at L with a pleading look, hoping to receive so much as a hint from his teacher. The detective saw the look, but remained still on a chair at the far end of the classroom, watching him struggle.
"This is really hard..." Said the boy finally, shaking his head. "I've tried everything...maybe I'm just too inexperienced to know how to crack something as delicate as this."
"Your age is inconsequential, Quinn." Said L with that unreadable expression of his. "If you don't believe me, I'll tell you right now that I created that program when I was 11, two full years younger than you." He said.
Quinn groaned. "Then maybe the problem is the teacher..." He muttered.
"No, that's not it either. Externalizing the issue is only going to complicate things, but if it's any help to you, I never said that you couldn't work together on these puzzles." Said L calmly.
Quinn looked at L with tired eyes. Casey looked up from her page full of mathematical symbols and without being asked, walked over to him.
"Let me see" She said, peering over Quinn's shoulders.
"Fine." Said the boy grudgingly.
The small girl placed her teddy bear on her lap as she took a seat next to him and studied the neat and deceptively simple program.
"Hmm...did you try a key logger?" She asked.
"How? I only have one chance at the password so unless I can get it on the first try, it's useless to even go that route." He said impatiently.
"Okay...how about breaking it? If the only thing that's keeping you from succeeding is the password, what if you broke that part of the program? Like a malfunction or a virus-"
"Casey, I think you should just stick to doing equations, I don't think you know what you're talking about." Snapped Quinn. The small girl was taken aback by his small outburst.
"Hey, I'm only trying to help you! You don't have to be such a jerk you know." She said.
"What did you call me?"
"A jerk!" Said Casey, getting angry.
"Fine call me a jerk, but at least I'm not useless like you! You don't do anything challenging, ever!" Yelled Quinn, standing up from his chair and towering over Casey.
"I don't do anything?! Do you even know the difference between inductive and deductive reasoning? Huh? I didn't think so, asshole!" Yelled the small girl as she got up in defiance.
L watched from the sidelines as his successors began to hurl insults at each other, literally reduced to bickering children. He sat there counting the seconds before he interfered. He would give them one more minute of this shouting match. As more insults flew, Quinn grabbed Casey's teddy bear and the small girl fell silent at once. Quinn raised the bear above his head and she jumped up, desperately trying to take it from him.
"Why do you even carry this stupid thing everywhere?" Said the boy, holding the bear hostage.
"That's none of your business, just give it back you thief!"
That was the wrong thing to say because Quinn grabbed the stuffed bear and pulled at its head forcefully. With a "rip!" sound, he managed to partially tear it off. Casey shrieked and pounded on Quinn's chest, shouting and calling him a monster. Then just like that, the semi-decapitated bear was out of Quinn's hands. The two pupils looked at each other and then at their teacher as he held the bear in that delicate manner of his.
"That's quite enough, both of you." Said L, displeased. "You're both dismissed...and Quinn, don't come back until you're ready to work." He said with finality.
The two children shrunk back in shame and Quinn alone nodded, his eyes trained on the floor. He began to quietly pack his things as Casey stared at the bear in L's hand, with its head dangling by mere fibers. She reached out for it and her vision clouded as teardrops welled in her honey brown eyes. L gave her the bear and she took it gingerly as though it were a baby.
"My bear..." She whispered, trying to piece it together. The stuffing came out of it and she whimpered.
As if there wasn't enough tension in the room, Moresly walked into the classroom with his springy gait. He made a beeline for L but stopped a second when he saw the two morose children.
"Ooh, such long faces on these children. What happened here?" He asked.
"Hi Dr. Moresly." Said Quinn downcast.
Casey didn't say anything, but stood there hugging what was left of her teddy bear.
"Hi to you too, Quinn." He said, smiling, before leaning down toward the teary-eyed Casey. "Oh my, that looks like a very serious injury" He said, pointing to the bear.
Casey eyed him suspiciously which only made the doctor smile more.
"If you want, you can bring him by the lab later and I'll fix him right up. I'm very good at suturing wounds!"
The small girl sniffled back her tears and muttered a quick "thank you." Quietly, she waited until Quinn was gone before walking out, leaving the two men by themselves. Once they were gone, Moresly faced L.
"So please tell me those two aren't your successors!" Said the doctor. L nodded and said they were.
"Oh wow! We're fucked!" He guffawed. " What are they, 40, no, more like 50 points below you? Is that really the best that Wammy's House could produce?" He sighed. "This place is going downhill in flames then!"
L gave him a deprecating look, annoyed with the way Moresly reduced Quinn and Casey to a pair of numbers.
"...but anyhow, speaking of going down in flames..." The eager brunette continued "you know I heard a rumor that Wammy's House was under threat of being burnt down by some evil organization?" He said with wonderment. "Is that true?"
"It's true." Said the detective, omitting the part about the "evil organization" being Interpol. The last thing he wanted was to give Moresly more reason to ask questions.
"Oh, so that's why you came back, isn't it? You're here to save us! Oh what a hero, I had you pegged wrong all this time." He said merrily.
"Must you always sound so patronizing?" Said L, burying his hands in his pockets.
"Ah, sorry, it must be a habit" Said Moresly smiling.
"Is that all you came here to say?"
"Actually, I came here to tell you that I've just been invited to give the keynote address at this year's International Symposium on Pathology and Immunology in Vienna!" He announced grandiosely.
L gave him a bored look.
Moresly rolled his eyes at his lack of praise. "Anyways, it's a big deal. I will be leaving in a week's time and I won't be able to perform your surgery until after I return. That will be in two week's time. Until then feel free to alleviate your inner turmoils any way you see fit." He said, holding out the keys to his lab. "I'm trusting you with these, but whatever you do, just don't fuck shit up, don't die, and don't take everything in my special cabinet." He said.
L rolled his eyes, feeling like he was being lectured as if he were a child. Without a word, he took the keys from Moresly and put them in his pocket.
...
-The next day-
Watari walked out to find L in his new favorite spot by the pond, smoking a cigarette.
'Well that's new' He thought, frowning. He walked over and stood next to the detective who was resting his hands on his knees as he sat on the bench.
"Hello" Said Watari, looking at him with concern. "Should you be doing that with your lung not fully healed?"
L shrugged and looked at the cigarette. "Moresly didn't recommend it but he didn't forbid it either."
"I see. You're not instructing Quinn and Casey today?" Asked the old man. He'd seen the two youths acting strange and distant with each other at dinner last night. He wondered if something happened during their lesson with L to cause such behavior.
"Not today..." Said L, rolling the cigarette in between his thumb and forefinger. "Yesterday those two became frustrated with each other and had a fight, which I failed to stop, and now they're not on speaking terms. Also I think I may have scared them away."
"Oh, so that's what happened" Said the old man thoughtfully. "It's alright, I don't think you scared them away, they were scared long before they even met you." Said the old man smiling.
"Is that so?" Said L. 'Well that explains some things...' Thought the detective, nibbling on his free thumb. After a minute or so, L's shoulders slumped and he sighed.
"Is something the matter?" Inquired Watari.
"Maybe this was supposed to happen, Wammy. It appears that I'm not good with children" Said L, giving the old man a half-smile. "Maybe it was for the best..."
Watari put his hand on his adoptive son's shoulders and gave it a reassuring squeeze.
"It's fine. It just takes practice and patience, you'll get better at it with time." Said Watari, knowing that L wasn't just talking about Quinn and Casey.
Watari stood by L for a few more minutes before going back inside where it was warm. The wind was starting to pick up and it was getting uncomfortably chilly, even for L. The detective was about to finish up the cigarette and go inside when he heard small footsteps behind him. He turned to see Casey standing there, with her teddy bear, only this time its head was stitched back in place with only a few puffs of errant stuffing protruding from its neck.
"Hi" She said shyly.
"Hi" Said L, somewhat surprised to see her there.
"Are you free right now?" Asked Casey. L nodded in response and the girl tentatively sat next to him on the bench.
"I wanted to say that I'm sorry about my behavior yesterday. I know it was really rude of me to call Quinn those names and to have freaked out the way I did." She said looking down at the bear on her lap. "And I also wanted to tell you a secret. It'll explain why I got so angry when Quinn ripped my bear open...here-" She said, holding the bear out for him to take.
L took it with his free hand and examined the bear closely for the first time. As he dangled the stuffed animal in front of his face, he noticed a rather large seam on its side. Reaching inside the seam, he pulled out a letter, and in the letter was a photograph of a man and a woman smiling with two children, a boy and a girl, in their arms. It was plainly obvious that Casey was the girl and those were her parents and brother. He stared at the photograph for a while longer, noting the happy smiles on their faces, wondering if he could ever take a picture like that with Misa and his son. Without reading the neatly scripted letter, he placed the contents back inside the bear's body and handed it back to its owner. She took it gingerly and traced its ears absently.
"My parents ran into trouble with some bad people. They said it was too dangerous for me and my brother to stay with them so they had to let us go..." Said the girl sadly. "This teddy bear was my favorite present from them. The last time I saw them, they gave it to me with that letter, promising that they would find me as soon as they can...anyway, I know it's silly to carry these things with me because I could lose them or something could happen to them. If something did happen to this bear, I would be sad..." She said, gently plucking its ears. "...but I'd get over it, even if it were to get burnt to ashes. You want to know why?"
L looked at her curiously and nodded.
"Because the people I love are not in this bear, they're here-" She pointed to her heart "-and here-" She said, pointing to her head. She was referring to her feelings and memories of those she loves...the very things that he was trying to get rid of...
"I feel them and remember them every day. Eventually I'll have to get rid of this old thing, but it won't matter because by then I know I will have found them. It doesn't matter how long it takes me, or how much I have to wait, or how many places I have to search, I know I will find them." She said smiling.
L sat there, eyes wide, lost in though. Ever since Ferraro took hold of his life and his family, all he'd wanted to do was forget it all- the whole thing with Misa, his son, and Ferraro. In all his life, he'd never experienced such a loss and he wanted nothing more than to be over it already, because as it turned out, he did not cope well with loss and pain. He thought he lucked out when he found Moresly, an accomplished doctor crazy enough to agree to a lobotomy, and skilled enough to do it right. But now, listening to Casey, he realized that what he wanted more than his own freedom and painless oblivion, was to have them back. He wanted his son and Misa, and even though the thoughts and memories were haunting, they could also be empowering, just like Casey's memories were empowering to her. He wanted to have his family back. Against all odds a loophole would eventually open up in Ferraro's plan; he was patient, he could wait...he may have lost a few major battles, but he hadn't yet lost the war and it was still soon to call it quits.
He felt something hot on his finger and noticed that he'd completely forgotten about the cigarette which was now disintegrating in his hand. He immediately threw the cigarette into the pond without a care for it.
"Casey..."
"Hm?" Said the girl looking at him.
"You're a genius." He said, earning a look of pure puzzlement from her. Without any explanation, L stood up and patted the girl on the head. Then he walked away.
"Hey! Wait! Where are you going?" She said following him.
"I'm really hungry and I'm kind of craving shortcake so I'm heading to the cafeteria." Said L.
"But I'm not done yet" Said the girl.
"Well you can talk and walk at the same time." He said, motioning for the girl to follow him.
When they reached the cafeteria, L completely bypassed the line and went right into the kitchen, earning himself strange looks from the other children there, including Casey.
"Well? Are you coming?" He asked, poking his head out the kitchen door. The small girl fell in step with him at once. In the kitchen, the cooks already knew who he was and they even had his favorite pastries prepared in a refrigerated display. Casey stared at all the delicious sweets as L sampled each one, finally settling on a large strawberry shortcake with mousse. Casey's mouth was practically watering at the thing. L grabbed the entire cake and walked out, thanking the kitchen staff for all their "fine work."
"You're gonna eat that whole thing by yourself?!" Said the girl.
"Not the whole thing, you can help yourself to some too." He said, sitting down in one of the more secluded tables.
"OK! But this is still a really big cake, I can't believe you'd eat this much."
"Oh, I've been rather depressed lately and I haven't eaten much sweets. It's time to make up for lost time-" He said digging into the cake with a knife and dropping a huge piece on his plate. His eyes shone with adoration at the mountain of pastry on his plate, and, like a ravenous wolf he began to ingest spoonfuls of cake, feeling like he wanted more with each bite.
'Ah this is what I've been craving...' He thought as he eagerly munched on a strawberry covered in mousse. The consistency of the pastry was just right, not too dense but not too sparse and it had the perfect amount of sugar and marmalade and fruits. He'd forgotten how good the chefs here were. Meanwhile, Casey eyed her teacher from a whole new perspective. She had never seen him like this and she never imagined he could be such a glutton for sweets. It was as though she were seeing him for the first time, yet it felt right for him.
"Why were you so depressed?" She asked suddenly.
L continued to eat the cake. While he didn't feel like breaching the topic with Casey, he wasn't repulsed by the memories that popped into his head either...maybe the girl was right and those memories were something to be cherished and guarded, not to be done away with. He embraced them silently.
She frowned at his silence. "Please! I told you one of my deepest darkest secrets! You should tell me one of yours" She insisted
"Is that how it works?" Asked L through a mouthful of cake.
"Yes! It's part of the social practice of give-and-take." She said. L didn't care for social practices, but he was feeling much better as a result of their conversation so maybe he should grant her request.
"Very well. I was depressed because I lost someone very important to me, and also, my work as a detective was compromised by some unsavory people." He told her, impaling a strawberry with his fork. "The person I lost left me because I treated her poorly and because I was too proud to admit that I wronged her. As for the damper on detective work, the only thing I'll say is that I'm not allowed to take on cases out of pure interest anymore. Frankly I don't know if I care to do it under such condition, and that's where you and Quinn come in to replace me." He said, taking another large bite of cake. "This shortcake really is delicious." He commented.
"That is sad...I would be upset too if that happened to me." She said, nibbling on a strawberry. "So this girl that left you, was she your girlfriend?"
L nodded, never taking his eyes off his plate.
"That's so sweet. I never thought you had a girlfriend...she must be really smart." Said the girl, sub-dividing her piece of cake into smaller chunks.
L licked mousse off his lips and looked up thoughtfully. "She's smart but not in the same way that you and I, or anyone else here, is smart. She's like her own brand of wit, completely unpredictable, to the point where even she probably doesn't realize what she's capable of accomplishing." He paused to gulp down another strawberry. " For example, she invented some terrible ideas and plots while we were together. It drove me quite mad sometimes, but the truth is, without her I wouldn't have been able to catch Kira and..." He trailed off thinking of how to word the next part. "...and she's probably the only person who I would ever admit defeat to."
The girl was in awe for a moment. "That's incredible. I'd love to meet her some day!" Said Casey.
L sighed and put his fork down. "I would like that very much but I don't know when I'll see her again, if she even wants to see me again."
"That's terrible. You should go after her anyway and if you explain to her how you feel, I'm sure she'll come around!" She said, looking hopeful.
L couldn't help but be amused by the fact that he was suddenly getting relationship advice from a 9-year-old girl. He played around with a strawberry on his plate until finally he pushed it away, satisfied for now. He stood up from the chair, ready to leave.
"Well Casey, I suppose I'll see you tomorrow for your lessons?"
"Yes. Oh I almost forgot to tell you! Quinn apologized to me last night. He was the one who mended my teddy bear actually, and he also asked me to tell you that he'll be at lessons tomorrow and that he'll apologize to you personally then." She said.
"Sounds good. Thank you for relaying the message and I will see you both tomorrow." Said L, taking off.
...
The following day, Quinn showed up to his lesson with L early, ready to work, and eager to apologize. He was surprised to find the raven-haired detective sitting at the front of the classroom, poking at a tray full of assorted chocolates.
"Care for some chocolates? I find they're very helpful treats for the mind." He said, picking one up and popping it in his mouth.
"Eh, sure" Said Quinn.
"Oh and by the way, regarding that programming challenge I gave you...let's just say that Casey's suggestion of a virus wasn't entirely off the mark..." Said L to the boy.
Quinn stood shocked for a moment, unsure of whether he was more surprised by the chocolates, or by the fact that his teacher had actually given him a useful hint. Casey arrived just then and smiled at both of them smugly.
"See Quinn? I told you a virus would work!" Said Casey, teasing him.
"Yeah, yeah...I'll code something up, give me a break here..." Said Quinn, taking a seat.
Casey walked over and took the seat next to him. "Oh and thank you for looking over my induction proof the other night and for stitching up my bear. It held up pretty well." Said the girl, holding out the bear for him to see.
"No problem, it was the least I could do..." Said Quinn, prying open his laptop.
L watched them, feeling something akin to relief and pride at seeing that his two successors were actually collaborating now. A promising idea began to form in his head. 'What if there were multiple Ls? An L group acting as one entity would be better than a single person acting alone, or two individuals acting independently of each other...' He thought, nibbling his finger as the idea took shape in his mind. 'If both people work well together as one L entity, that would make them harder to catch, especially if the rest of the world is under the assumption that L is just one person...interesting. That could work.'
He grabbed another chocolate from the tray and dropped it into his mouth. He would revisit his idea in the future, but for now, he had more pressing matters sitting right in front of him.