run away. // dan smith

intro.

*warning - some of this content may be triggering to some viewers, if you are easily triggered i advise you not to continue. do with that what you will. anyway, you have been warned.*

Death is inevitable. We can't avoid it. Within 120 years, everyone that lives today will be dead, and the world will be welcoming new people. All my friends and relatives ask me, "Sam, how can you live when you always think about the inevitability of death?" This question always puzzles me, because we all know death isn't preventable. Everyone who smokes will die; everyone who doesn't smoke will die. Everyone that is overweight will die; everyone that isn't overweight will die. Everyone who drinks will die, everyone who doesn't drink will die. It's quite easy to think about, in fact. Everyone will die.

Sometimes I think that I'm better off dead. No, I'm not suicidal. I mean, I'm too much of a coward to go through killing myself, but if I bus was coming at me I wouldn't really care.

One in a while I really pause and think... where will I end up? For me it's either heaven or "hell" as some people like to think. I don't believe in purgatory or whatever the religious people think it is.

As much as I believe in heaven, I don't believe in hell. I believe if there's actually a hell, it's just having after life upon after life, forcing to stay on the earth observing what society has turned into. But what if the world ends?

Also something that is inevitable.
Everyone should know the world is going to end sooner or later. We might even end up like the people in Interstellar, some people say. I think that movie has flaws. I mean, I tried eating nothing but corn for seven days and I felt like I was going to go bat-shit on the fourth.

In conclusion, a lot of things are inevitable. It's sort of sad actually.
Like getting heartbroken.
I've been heartbroken many times. Like the time when my parents died, the time when my "true love" broke up with me.

When you get heartbroken, people tend to brush you off, saying it's going to be fine. But sometimes they don't understand. People haven't been through what I've been through, and a lot of the times I haven't been through what they've been through. That is okay.

But what hurts the most is when I try to talk to people about something that a lot of people haven't been through.

When I was 16, I was gang raped.

It wasn't the best thing to go through. Having many overaged men trying to force you into sex isn't something that a lot of people would want to endure.
I kept it a secret for a long time, only telling Danny. That was a mistake.

I told him not to tell anyone, I told him I could handle this on my own. But he didn't listen. He went and told my whole family.

My parents tried to drown me in riches after they found out, buying me things from diamond necklaces to live animals. They didn't understand that I needed a sense of comfort. I wanted to feel safe again.

I really only felt safe in Dan's arms after that. He was the only one that understood; he understood that they took my purity.

Dan and I spent every day together after that. We didn't do much. The first couple of weeks consisted me curled up on Dan's lap, crying into his grey hoodie.

But then people started to notice that we were gone from school for about a month. That's when the rumors started.

I'm not going to get into detail about what they said about us, but it left me into an even deeper rut of depression than before. It didn't affect Dan that much, he can handle rumors and hate easily because he knows they're not true. But in high school, rumors turn into fact.