Queen & Beatles | OneShots

John Deacon - Deaky

"Are you coming to bed, love?"

John heard your voice and broke from his staring match with the patio. He'd been stood by the window for an abnormal amount of time, looking out on the rain. For the past few days he'd felt distant and out of touch with everything. Sometimes hearing your voice was an echo.

"Yes, just a minute."

"Are you okay?" You asked your husband. You knew when he wasn't, it was more than obvious. But this way different, you couldn't demand that he tell you because John didn't work like that. He'd have to open to you in his own time. He didn't look struck with sadness, he just looked like he was thinking.

"Yeah. Yeah I'm fine, darling." He turned around and met your concerned eyes with a weak smile. His hands were tucked into his jean pockets, this didn't really mean anything but John's stance was usually very open.

"I don't believe you." You tell him, softly.

"I'll talk to you about it later. Let's go to bed, hm?" He prompted.

-

There was very obviously something on his mind that he didn't want to say.

"Love? I'm worried."

He didn't turn to look at you. The panic you felt earlier was starting to become more prominent. Now you thought about it, John hadn't been himself for a while now; he didn't touch his bass, he hadn't been to see the boys for over a month and he hadn't written a song in well over a year.

"Alright, let's talk." he finally decided.

"Thank God for that, the suspense was killing me" You joke lightly.

John's smile returned some at your quip. He sat on the bed in front of you and looked down a little bit. Suddenly the panic was back.

"Is... is it something with.. us?"

"What? No.. no, you're perfect. This is perfect. This is more than anything I ever thought I'd have. But there are just some things that don't feel right anymore." He began, finding his voice.

John usually fidgeted. He always had, in all the years that you'd known him, loved him and been married to him. Normally it was his leg that shook all the time. Or maybe he'd picked up an elastic band somewhere and had been carrying it around all day for some reason. He just fidgeted all the damn time. Couldn't sit still. A terrible influence for the kids; "Sit still!" "But Dad isn't."

"I don't want to make any decisions that you're not happy with me making, alright? This isn't just my choice."

"John, I will support any choice you make so long as it isn't another perm."

Your quick sense of humour and positive outlook is something John absolutely fell in love with, it made everything so much lighter. There was a smile behind every situation, no matter how heartbreaking. He could be a sad person at times, especially when you'd met, but you kicked down a door in his very soul and brought all of your joy with you.

"No. No.. it's.. I want to leave the band," You had expected the day to come but with everything the three men had been through recently it wasn't a shock. "It's not the same. Not without Fred. Brian and Rog love the music, they want to carry on and.. I wish I could but.... I can't hear any of those songs without thinking of Freddie and it's still really painful. I miss my friend, I don't want to think about him all the time, it'll drive me mad. That's all the songs do now." He told you, as if it was rehearsed in his head a million times.

"I know, love."

"A-and I know it's what I want to do, but you and boys- I- I was worried. I didn't know how you'd all take it." He stuttered.

"Like I said, I'll support you no matter what you decide." You reminded, quietly, giving his time and room to speak.

"I know, I just didn't want you to be disappointed. It's silly now I say it. You wouldn't be and you're not and... and I know that. But the boys are gonna be-" He was struggling to speak, almost out of breath in his confession.

You could tell this whole thing was leaving him very anxious but you knew giving him space while he was talking was the best thing to do, John could get overwhelmed and almost claustrophobic in times like this. Putting an arm around someone who is trying to tell you something important should wait until they've finished talking.

"They love you. No matter what you decide to do, darling. You're their Deaky."

"I don't know if I want to be Deaky anymore."

You felt for your husband. He didn't want to let anyone down but he had to do what was right for himself. This felt like a complete change in his personality when really, it wasn't. It was more of a career move that just felt so dire because of his line of work.

"You'll always be Deaky, my love. Doesn't matter if you move on with your life or retire. You still did it. You still played in front of all those people night after night. You still gave the world your music. You were still John Deacon of Queen."

He didn't speak for a moment.

"Yeah."

"John I couldn't be disappointed in you if I tried. Our children will always be proud that their Dad is a world famous rockstar and a good man. And so will Freddie."

"I'm not Fred's Dad."

"Shut up, you know what I mean," You both laughed as John took your hand in his own and held it tightly. "He's proud, no matter what. And the boys will understand. They love and respect you enough for that." You reassure. Brian and Roger, despite their drive to do well, are good people and would do right by your husband. He nodded. Glad that, as usual, his wife was there to straighten out all of the messy thoughts in his head.

"I love you"

"I love you too, Deaky"