In my heart // Hwang Hyunjin

-4-

"I'm sorry to bother you this late Felix," Yohan said as he entered the dorm building with the freckled boy beside him.

"Oh no it's fine, Jisung told me you wanted to come check up on someone, and since it's already past the dorm curfew you can't get in without someone bringing you in" Felix reassured the boy.

"Yeah, I think I will probably stay over, according to my dad he almost fainted, and knowing him he will still keep pushing himself until he finally collapses," Yohan told the boy, Felix smiled a little it seemed like the boy meant a lot to Yohan which surprised him a little since it was no secret to him just how hard Jisung tried getting close to Yohan so it was quite a surprise.

"Hmm, who is it? These are the dancer's dorms so I probably know them" Felix asked the boy.

"Oh, uhm Hwang Hyunjin" Felix looked at the boy with utter surprise.

"You're close to him? I have tried getting close to him for so long~ but he just keeps telling me it's better if I don't get close to him" Felix said with a small sigh.

"Oh... he was usually so nice to everyone when we were younger it's kinda surprising," Yohan said a little shocked.

The two split up and Yohan went straight to Hyunjin's room. He knocked a bit but he got no response, he was ready to go look for Felix again to get a key to open the door but the door suddenly opened giving Yohan a fright.

"Ah this fever is making me see things," Hyunjin said tiredly, Yohan looked at him worried and reached out to the boy "There's no way Yohan would actually come and see me, he hates me why would he even care" Yohan could hear how broken Hyunjin sounded and he felt as his heart broke into tiny pieces.

"Hyunjin let's get you back to bed," Yohan said softly as he held the boy's arm and guided him back to his bed.

"Even this reminds me of him, he just won't leave my mind"

Yohan looked at him and sighed.

"Hyunnie it's really me," he said softly Hyunjin turned and looked at him in disbelief.

"No, you aren't you are a figment of my imagination" Yohan took the boy's hand and held it tightly.

"See I'm real, if I wasn't I wouldn't be able to do this" Yohan told the boy.

Hyunjin didn't say anything he just stared at the boy for a while; Yohan smiled softly and placed his hand on the boy's forehead.

"You definitely do have a fever though, luckily for you I brought medicine, get some rest I'm going to make you something to eat so you can take these" Yohan said moving towards the little kitchen in the room.

He prepared some porridge for the boy and got some water, he moved back to the boy's bed and placed everything on the nightstand, he went and switched on the light in the room, he was a little surprised when he walked back to the boy's bed.

"Now's not the time to remember all this Yohan" he scolded himself and walked over to Hyunjin's bed.

"Hyun gets up and eat," Yohan told the boy, Hyunjin stirred a bit before opening his eyes, with Yohan's help he sat up and looked around a little.

"Here, eat this so you can take your medicine," Yohan said as he handed him the bowl, Hyunjin quietly took it and started eating, trying his best to avoid all eye contact with Yohan.

"You still have the drawing," Yohan said suddenly causing Hyunjin to almost choke.

"Uhm yep, it was the first gift you gave to me, you worked really hard on it," Hyunjin said looking at the drawing he had framed and hung on his wall.

"I also have a lot of our photos from the project..." Hyunjin said softly.

"Oh... I lost all those when I moved" Yohan said softly, truth be told his parents ripped them all up.

"Are you mad at me? Do you hate me?" Hyunjin asked softly, internally hoping the boy wouldn't answer the questions if the answer was yes.

"No" was all Yohan could say at first.

"No?" Hyunjin asked, he was sure his fever was just causing him to hear things.

"I never hated you Hyunjin and how can I even be mad at you, I should've told you to not tell anyone, but I didn't, I knew how innocent you were, it was my own fault, but the thing is seeing you is hard sometimes because it brings back painful memories of everything that followed after it came out" Yohan tried to comfort the boy.

"No but still... I should've realized it back then, I hurt you so much, you were right I shouldn't apologize because there is no way I can make up for it, the only way to make it up is to be on my own so I can't hurt anyone else"

"Hey! I don't want that" Yohan said sternly, "I don't want you to suffer or for you to be alone, you weren't the only person who hurt me back then, even after transferring to another school I dated someone who eventually outed me and I had to move to homeschool because I was too scared it would happen again, thanks to you I got to move out of my homophobic parent's house and I'm now living with my uncle, which is coach Kang, he is my dad now, Hyunjin you helped me a lot as well, so don't suffer I don't want you to suffer, you are too important to me for you to suffer like that, I just want time okay? I'm not used to having you around yet, and some bad memories come back at times, and then I don't want to see you because I don't want to make you feel guilty to see me like that, because it isn't just your fault" Yohan said to the boy.

Hyunjin looked at him for a while and blinked a bit, some stray tears slowly started running down his cheeks.

"H-hey don't cry come on, you're already sick crying is going to make everything worse"

Hyunjin smiled at the boy through the tears.

"Take all the time you need okay, but come back to me when you're ready," Hyunjin said softly and Yohan nodded.

There was a short silence for a bit but it was broken by Hyunjin coughing, Yohan shook his head and got the boy's medication and handed it to him along with water after taking the now-empty bowl from him.

Once Hyunjin fell asleep Yohan made sure the boy was covered and went to sit on the sofa, there were some throw pillows on the sofa, so he got comfortable and soon enough he fell asleep.

The next morning he woke up and prepared breakfast for Hyunjin as well as his medicine, he wrote the boy a note and left shortly after since he had classes.

When Hyunjin woke up he thought everything was just a fever dream, as he got out of bed he told himself it was impossible that Yohan would've been there.

But when he walked into the kitchen and saw the note on his fridge he almost yelled out of happiness.

"There's breakfast in the microwave and remember to take your medicine and please go easy on yourself - Yohan"

Hyunjin happily moved to the microwave and heated up the food and ate with a big smile on his face even though his head was pounding.

Once he was done eating he took his medication and climbed back into bed, pulling open his nightstand drawer and pulling out a small box.

He opened it and smiled fondly at them, it was photos of him and Yohan when they were younger, all the happy memories started running through his mind.

"Ah if only I didn't mess up back then we would've probably gone to the same high school and when I figured out just how much I loved you I could've confessed," Hyunjin said as he looked at the photos.