LETTER [정원]ᴇɴ⁃

25

  " Yang Jungwon, let's stop this," I said to him nervously because I am scared if he suddenly places his lips on my cheeks again.

Honestly, I felt embarrassed to meet his eyes after he kissed me without my permission. It made us felt awkward and made me wanted to run away from him, so he can't see my red cheeks. I could feel my heart beating fast when he was still standing very close to me and didn't even budge while he slowly letting go of my waist and gripped my hand tightly. He rested his forehead on mine, shutting his eyes while listening to our heartbeats.

" Please stay with me forever." He whispered to me.

" You are special-"

I quickly cut him off and pouted my lips, getting mad and sad at the same time.

" Jungwon-ah, if you want to see me happy.."

" Leave me and stay away from me. It's better in that way. So, I don't get hurt anymore and you can live happily with Hana, no more a blocker in your relationship. I don't know how many times I endure the pain of seeing you and Hana together. Sometimes, I felt like my heart is dead like I didn't feel anything anymore because it was already tired of being hurt."

" This is the only way. The only way to forget you. The only way to stop me from thinking about you. It good for me and both of us.

I don't have anything to make you proud of. So, it useless for me to stay with you, be with you. "

" Why did you always look for me and worrying about me when I am just a friend of you? and you also kissed me just now,

what does that mean? You made me confused. "

He suddenly cupped my face making me met his eyes, " Hey, what's wrong with you? What are you talking about?"

" Look. You don't even understand my feeling. You don't even know the reason you are approaching me and kissing me. Like, Who am I to you?  A toy? A mistress?"

" Im Soo Ah, don't be like this." He continued.

" How am I supposed to live happily when you are still coming for me although I told you to stop a few times? How am I supposed to feel happy when you are often talking to me about Hana? I'm tired, Jungwon-ah."

" I wish I could stop loving you. I wish I could turn back my time, so I will never know you, never know Lee Hana. I wish I never meet you."

" Those memories of us, adoring the moon together and ate ramen at the park. I wish we never do that. So, it will be easier for me to forget you."

I immediately shut my mouth when I realized I accidentally confessed my feeling to him.

He slowly let go of me and took a step away from me while staring at me surprisingly.

" Im Soo Ah, I never think of you more than a friend..."

" The reason I want to keep you with me, It because you are precious to me. I never love someone else as much as I love you,

but as a friend..."

He said to me coldly. Sound like he was blaming me for falling in love with him when he was the one who approached me although I told him to stop doing that causing it made it hard to forget him.

" Then, what does that kiss mean? A friendship kiss?" I replied to him, wiping my tears that were rolling on my cheeks while waiting for his answer to my question. He cleared his throat and avoided my gaze on him as he seems hesitant to answer.

" It's nothing, right? You never feel the same as me." I laughed at him, healing the pain in my heart when the truth was finally revealed.

"The one you love is always here, right?"

" That's not the point." He shortly answered me.

I can't even stare at him since he loves someone else other than me. All he did to me, means nothing...

nothing.

The way he touched me, sweetly talking to me- The moment we were laughing at his jokes while enjoying our ramen, adoring the moon on his arm, hugging me to comfort me from crying, promised me to make me happy- and also kissing me to stop me from talking.

It's all nothing for him. No love, yes.

Stupid.

I am really stupid.

" I'm sorry."

" Stop apologizing," I replied to him, looking on the ground while holding my tears again.

" Soo Ah, please-"

" Go..."

Suddenly, the sound of someone fell on the floor startled both of us. We immediately turned our bodies to face the person who was rubbing her knee while sobbing in tears. When she realized our gaze, she quickly ran downstairs to escape from us.

" Lee Hana.." He mumbled to himself and was about to leave me but he suddenly stopped and turned his body in my direction.

" Go, she's waiting," I said to him.

With a smile, he finally left me to go to Hana. Not once did he turned around. Staring at my hand, the warmth began to leave as my heart yearned for it to return.

" You big baby," I mumbled to myself, looking away and wiped the tears that were forming.

" It's the end..."