Break the chains

Chapter 8

I opened Ogu's text with a warm heart but when I read it my heart sank deep into my tempestuous soul. She knows about my whole experience. She knows about killing Joe. She knows about Michel. She knows it all.

'How do you know?' I rang her asking.

'I just know you. I've known Michel since ever and he's the biggest player the world has ever seen and I heard him talking to Joe about what he was going to do with you and how he was going to make Hartley jealous of him. He knew it when you and Hartley were going out and I don’t know why but he has this thing with Hartley so when he saw you and Hartley he just he wanted you. So you were his target. He's been doing this in nearly every school I know ripping these things off girls just for fun. I tried to warn you but you wouldn't listen to me and now it's too late. He's gone to another school now and you can guarantee at least one girls going to lose her virginity.' Ogu's report sounded like a siren in my head screaming at me calling me stupid. I knew what I did was really stupid but it wasn't my fault. He had full control of me and I had none if myself. For the first time in my life I felt so vulnerable and weak. I told Ogu that I needed time to myself and she said ok putting down the phone.

I looked down at my slightly swollen stomach. 2 months pregnant and you're getting big, I said to my stomach. What am I going to do with you? It was then that I realised my whole life; I was a drug addict, a players work, jobless, no qualification and pregnant. How on earth am I going to go in life?

Months passed when I could hide the baby no more, my stomach was clearly swollen and the whole school seemed to know about me and Michel. They knew about me and Michel having sex before because Michel told them, but that was normal in my school. It was when I got pregnant that people started stirring because you have to be really unlucky to end up pregnant. Michelle, the girl who I had a fight with at the party, made a rumour that I forced Michel to have sex with me so that she can be jealous of me. That was a massive lie.

'Yo Posie jerk. What you going to call your child?' yelled Dave, one skateboard-dude person. 'Will he be Michel junior so you can always remember Michel?' I glared at him and just walked passed as he stretched his arms out in a 'what did I do?' manner, his mates laughing. Even still, people didn’t take that as a warning so more and more insults were thrust at me by all manners of people. 'Is it a boy or girl' 'It's your fault you’re in this situation' 'Can't you close your own legs?' Even teachers were eyeing my stomach, some even tutted at me! It was like my guilt was following me everywhere and I couldn't get rid of it. Then one day I just had enough. It was on that day that I ran to the toilettes to rid myself of the shame only to find a group of cheerleaders there, standing there gossiping about me really loud. There thick mascara eyes burned a hole through all fearlessness and confidence I ever contained and they studied me jealously as if they wanted to be in that position. Stupid hoes. I ran into the toilette and cried bitterly and extremely loudly. My arm had recovered a bit few months ago, though I can’t do some things I used to do, so getting my phone out and ringing Hartley wasn't as painful as before. I texted him to call me after school because he wasn’t in school again today because he 'didn't feel like it.' Typical Hartley statement.

'So what is it?' Hartley asked with a small thirsty note in his voice.

'Hartley I can’t live life in my house. My mom's already commenting on how I've been putting on weight and my brother nearly caught me when I was sick in the middle of the night. You live really far away so you can take me' I felt like I unloaded a massive block from my life until he replied.

'I can't,' why did people like to ruin my expectant attitude? 'I'm a drug dealer babe. You need me but will this baby be able to cope staying with a drug dealer man who isn't its father?'

'So where am I meant to go then!' I cried nearly screaming.

'Well the new girl keeps asking about you. She lives in a good home. She lives close to me so you can sneak to my house to get a stash.' I knew what he was saying was really true but I didn't know if I could trust Ogu. Or Helena for that matter. She was on their side as childish as it sounded.