It wasn't supposed to end up like this. It wasn't suppose to go this far.
Binge eating. A loose term. A word that I've grown to hate as time went on. Something so tiring to deal with but people brush off as "you just ate a bit more than usual..." type of day.
I wanted to grab them by their shoulders and yell, "Do YOU know what I'm going through? Do you know all the sleepless nights I had stuck in the bathroom hoping my stomach doesn't explode?"
But I don't.
I try to become better. I really do, but I always fail. It crushes me. The number on the scale keeps growing.
I'm not thin. That's an obvious fact. The sad reality is that I'm overweight. Chubby and curvy if someone was being nice.
I did not like it.
I want to be thin. For once, I want to be confident in my body.
To be thin I need to lose weight, and to lose weight, I need to stop eating so much, and to stop eating so much, I need to starve...?
But how? How can those other girls do it so easily? How can they survive on coffee and a stick of gum?
How can they be in control?
I stopped writing.
The paper was filled with wet, small circles.
"Oh," I whispered to myself.
The written words were started to blur as more tears fell. I wiped them away harshly. Why am I crying if I brought this onto myself?
I took a deep breath and forced myself to keep writing.
I can't stop it.
It's impulsive, natural even, almost a habit to just binge.
That's why I got this journal. To write down my journey. My weight loss journey.
I want to start counting my calories too. I want to eat below a certain number that I know is too little.
It doesn't matter. I'll be able to lose the weight fast.
And it's going to be great. My dream would come true. I just need to eat less...
Then, when I finally make it to my weight, I'll eat better and add in more calories. I'm not starving myself. Not for long anyway.
I'm just going to eat less for a bit then eat like normal again.
Then I'll be happy.
That's all I want.
That's
All
I
Want
-March 14, the start of my journey.
---
A/N: please leave a follow if you enjoy !
YOU ARE READING
My Eating Disorder (COMPLETE)
Teen FictionRestrict. Binge. Repeat. That was all she knew. That was all she did. And she wasn't planning on stopping anytime soon. --- Sunny, a seventeen-year-old girl, hummed to herself quietly as she took out a stick of gum. Her black earbuds emitted music a...
