Ghost // Kellic - SHORTSTORY

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I dance it all away. 

Every movement to the music, expelling every word in my head

'You're worthless, nobody cares about you.'

I swing my hips.

'You're a piece of shit who strips for any attention you can get.'

I drop my head back,

'You're ugly and your fat and no one will ever think you're beautiful'

Run my hands up my neck.

'You and Vic's fight was all your fault.'

Arch my back off the ground.

'The things he does to himself are your fault'

Rock my chest against the pole

'You're a horrible friend for being blind. You claim to care about him yet not notice the terrible things he was doing to himself.'

I crawl hands and knees towards the customer offering me the 20, And seductively slip it into my waistband before sauntering away

'No wonder he doesn't love you back.'

I shake my ass in thanks as I turn around.

'he never will.'

Grip the pole a little tighter than normal, locking my knee around it before falling back. 

Some thoughts are harder to break, just like some pills are harder to swallow.

'Nobody loves you. You should kill yourself'

I swing my unruly ebony black hair, then fist it with my fingerless gloved hand.

'You'd do the world a favour, you'd do Vic a favour

I drop to the ground again and spread my legs.

'You're hopelessly in love with him and there's nothing you can do about it. No one could LOVE a stripper.'

Finally I slam my hands into the floor and grind on the bills I've been getting showered in.

"Yeah but adoration and cash will have to suffice" I whisper in a voice only I can hear.

'You'll never fill that void'

The song ends

'You'll never have HIM to fill that void.'

I collect the bills and send a few winks and smiles.

"I'll deal with that later, I have things to do remember?" I mumble under my breath. The music is loud enough that no one can hears.

'Oh right, and you—'

"I'm shutting you out now." I mutter before downing a shot my coworker is handing me. 

I smile at Brendon thankfully and he looks at me with empathetic eyes. 

He knows what goes on in my head onstage but also how dancing is my release and how they leave my head after.

Sometimes. 

He pats me on the shoulder offering a sad smile which I reciprocate gratefully, then he walks out on stage for his turn to use stripping to deal in whatever way he does with his own issues.

I pour myself another shot and down it, the burn feels good, quenching my thirst to hurt myself.

'You deserve it'

Another shot

'You should get drunk enough...'

Another shot

'...where you can forget everything'

Another shot

Another one

'And go kill yourself like you deserve.'

I suddenly pick up the vodka bottle and send it careening across the hallway shattering against the wall. 

God dammit I wish I was a lightweight. 

I'm nowhere near as drunk as I need to be in order to do any of those things. 

In my rage I also threw the table and the vase with the fake orchids smashing into the carpet. 

I look down at my mess and sigh. 

However, I feel eyes on me and I look up which I should regret doing, but every time I get to see that beautiful tan face and dark mocha drops from heaven staring back at me, it's a blessing.