Torn Between

Junior Year

*October 12th 1992

It's been a couple months into my junior year here at Monsignor Farrell High School. Sophomore year was my first year, but now I'm familiar with the school and most of the people. I still don't have very many friends. I really only have one friend who I see outside of school but besides that, most of them are just convenient to see for my classes. Anyways, my name's Stella Marino. I was born in Queen's but we moved to Staten Island when I was in 8th grade. I do love New York a lot, but I can't see myself staying here forever. I think someday I'd love to travel and maybe stay somewhere in a rural forest in Europe or something. Due to my Italian genes, I inherited long curly brown hair, olive skin, and dark brown eyes. Both my parents are from Italy. I love the craziness but I need a breather from time to time.

I have two younger brothers. One's a freshman at a different school and the other one's in 7th grade. That should be enough to catch you up to speed right? Okay. Now then.

I was walking to my theater class (my passion) with my only friend I told you about, Bessy. I met her last year and now she basically lives at my house. She has dark brown hair and tan skin as well. She is undeniably beautiful but it's fine. I don't care about the male gaze anyways.

We walked into the auditorium and took our seats. Ms.Rivera sat up from the folding chair in the audience once she saw most of the students walking in. She walked in front of all of us, with her long skirt and scarf swaying side to side, pushing up her glasses.

"Okay, I hope you all came prepared to present your dialogs for the class. I know some of us are still fairly new so don't feel too much pressure, but other's who I had last year, I expect great great things from you!"

Sometimes I hate presenting alone but I remember it doesn't really matter and they're all going to forget in a couple hours. I was zoning out from my exhaustion, watching everyone else perform, when Bessy tapped my arm.

"You have a stalker," she whispered and pointed over to the left. I furrowed my eyebrows and slowly turned my head to the left. I glanced down the row of seats and saw a boy with brown hair and puffy cheeks subtly glancing my way. He smiled and I gave a small smile back.

"No, he's checking you out," I whispered, putting my attention back on the performer. Boys are always checking her out, so there's no way a cute boy was noticing me.

"Are you insane? He's still looking over like every five seconds and he smiled at you!"

"He was looking at you, but just being polite when he saw me instead," she sighed at my stubbornness.

"You're irritating you know that? He was and still is looking at you Stell."

I didn't respond, and I continued zoning out until the stage lights became blurry.

"Miss Marino?" I vaguely heard, and I felt Bessy hit my arm.

"Oh, okay sorry," I walked up to the stage.

"Whenever you're ready Miss Marino. I know you're new so don't feel pressured. Just let it flow from you, okay?" she expressed with a big smile. I smiled back and cleared my throat. Scanning up and down my paper. For the first time I felt real anxiety drop into my stomach. Since she brought up the boy looking at me, it made me so much more nervous. I glanced at Bessy, who gave me a 'reassuring' thumbs up.

I began reading. And of course it was filled with accidental "um's" and "uh's". I was getting agitated and frustrated because I had practiced this a million times in the mirror, and I was undoubtedly prepared, but now when it matters I can't do it. Everyone must think I look so ridiculous. And if that boy really was looking at me, I can guarantee now he thinks I'm pathetic. Unconsciously, my eyes lifted and they immediately locked with his. Bessy was right, he really was staring at me. He flashed his smile and my eyes were flickering all over the room. I felt myself grin and stammer even more than before.

"I'm so sorry Ms.Rivera. I practiced this so much and I had it down. I don't know why I'm messing up like this now," my eyes weren't in my control and they kept glancing over at him.

"That's alright Stella. You may try again tomorrow if you'd like?"

"Yes please," I mumbled.

"Okay then, you'll have a redo tomorrow," I shamefully walked back to my seat, specifically feeling judging eyes on my every move, from every student this time. I sat in my seat and slouched down in embarrassment and hid my face with my paper.

"You saw him look at you didn't you?" Bessy asked me. I took the paper off my face and gave her a frustrated scowl. She laughed, "Told you."

"Alright, umm, Mr.Murray your turn to present," this boy's probably much better than me, I thought.

It happened to be him who walked on stage. Of course it was. On top of that, everything he'd performed leading up to now had been amazing. Nothing could make this worse. Before he began, he peered up at me and smirked with a slight twitch at his neck. The dialogue sounded like it was dug up from a Romeo and Juliet scene. And while he was performing, he held eye contact with me the entire time, as if he was reciting it to me. I slowly lifted myself to sit up right in my chair and my eyes were locked on stage. I was engaged to every word he was saying. Was this even real?

When he finished, Miss Rivera sprung from her seat and fiercely clapped her hands together. The rest of the students gave him a standing ovation. I was so entranced and in shock, I just sat there with my mouth gaped open, trying to grasp on to what just happened.

"Oh excellent work Mr.Murray! Simply wonderful!" he humbly smiled and walked down to take his seat.

I could see Bessy turn her head to me slowly, beaming the same expression I couldn't seem to shake.

"This dude just recited a love poem to you Stella. A f*cking love poem," she laughed in bewilderment.

"So like..." I thought out loud, "what the hell does this mean?"

"He likes you. His name's James by the way. I've never really talked to him but I know of him and his little friend group."

"There's more of them?" I whined.

"There always is. And one of them you'd definitely think is hot. I forget his name but even I think he's hot."

When class was over, Bessy and I were walking when I felt someone run up behind me and reach for my shoulder. I stopped and turned to find James. Bessy smirked at me, "I'll give you guys a minute," she walked away while I was motioning for her to stay in utter panic. I flipped her off and turned back around to face him with an awkward smile.

A/N: I'm not a huge fan of the junior year chapters, but since they're young I had to make them a lil cringey, I promise it's better as they get older lol :)