Numb ~ Dreamnotfound

Chapter 13

TW- mentions of self harm

My wrist stung as a small line of blood dripped down my palm and into the sink. I leaned on my hands which were resting on the sink. Tears still fell from my face as I pushed the small razor off of the sink and into the garbage bin that sat on the floor next to the counter. My eyes were swollen and the veins on my neck had popped out because of how hard I had been crying. George had given up on calling me after a while since I hadn't been answering.

I felt bad for ignoring him when he was emotional and needed reassurance, but I could not bring myself to answer the phone. The thought of being with him as more than friends was too much to handle. It wasn't just my own emotions holding me back either, my parents would definitely not be supportive if they were to find out.

I winced as the air from the open window hit my exposed arm, making it sting slightly. I held a washcloth over my forearm and wiped my tears on my shoulder to clear up my vision. My head throbbed from the crying, and I felt dizzy. I sat against the bathroom door and kept the pressure on my arm. I regretted what I did, but I knew that I wouldn't have been able to stop. I could hear the cheerful ringtone yet again from my phone in my bedroom. It was probably George again, trying to get a hold of me. I grabbed bandages from the bathroom closet and applied them carefully before slowly making my way back into my room.

Missed call from: George (2)

I collapsed back onto the floor and leaned against the wall. My hands began to shake uncontrollably and my breathing became heavy. The room spun as the phone on the ground rang yet again, making my head feel as though it was going to explode. I covered my ears and gripped my hair hard, my hands still shaking. My shirt became darker from the tears dripping onto it.

The room felt like it was caving in on me, making me start to hyperventilate. I quickly grabbed my phone off of the floor and called Nick. He picked up quickly and I put the call on speaker before dropping it to the floor.

"Hello?" He said quietly into the phone. He sounded tired as if I had woken him up, despite it only being 8pm.

"Nick, I-I need you." I stuttered out.

"Clay what's going on. I can go over there if you need me to." He said, now more awake and alert. I heard him get out of bed and open his bedroom door.

"Please come over. I don't know what's happening." My eyes stung from the amount of tears that I had shed, yet they did not stop falling.

"Ok, I will be there in five minutes. Take deep breaths for me Clay." I took a deep, shaky breath and let my head rest against the wall.

He stayed on the line the entire time he was being driven over to my house. His mom had been asking him questions while in the car about what was happening, yet he did not know himself. I hadn't been saying anything on the other end, I let myself cry instead. Nick continued to say reassuring and comforting words as he drove, which helped my breathing steady slightly. A car door then slammed shut outside of my house.

"Clay, I'm here, I'm coming in alright." Nick said quietly into the phone. I mumbled in response as the call ended and the front door opened. His heavy footsteps made their way up the stairs before he lightly knocked on my door before opening it. "Hey man, what's going on?" His tone was soft and comforting. He took a seat in front of me on the floor and crossed his legs.

"I don't know." I whispered, making eye contact with him.

He stuck his hands out, palms facing upwards. "Gimme." He took my hands and let them rest on his palms. They were still shaking, so he rubbed his thumbs up and down the back of my hands. He seemed to notice the bandages on my wrist, yet he did not say anything. "Tell me what happened Clay. Was it your parents?"

I shook my head in response.

"Are you stressed about something?"

Yet another head shake.

"You went to George's house today right? Did something happen there?"

I looked up at him again, the tears welling in my eyes more and more, making my vision blurry. I gave a small nod and let my head fall back down and rest on top of my knees.

"Clay, it's alright. Can you tell me what happened?" He squeezed my hands a bit harder, "Look up at me."

I raised my head again and took a deep breath before speaking to steady my breath, "Well we were just having fun and stuff," I began. Nick nodded as he listened. "And when I was going to leave he, uh, hugged me and then we kinda held hands or something I don't really know."

Nick's eyebrows raised in surprise, "Really? Is that why you're upset or did something else happen?"

"He called me after I got home, because I left quickly, and I told him that we can't. He was crying and I feel awful." I let the tears that had been welled up fall onto my knees as Nick continued to rub his thumbs against the back of my hands.

"Clay it's alright, come here." He shifted so that he was sitting next to me. His arm went around my shoulders, letting me rest against his chest. His chin rested on the top of my head as I cried into him. "I'm sure he understands. You just have to tell him that you're not ready for a relationship."

"I want him Nick, and that's what is scaring me." I mumbled into his shirt. His free hand smoothed my hair out.

"Clay, look at me." I wiped my tears with my hand and looked up at him. "After all these years, you're finally feeling something for someone. I know it's scary but it'll be alright. I think you just need some time to adjust to these feelings."

"But- but what if my parents find out?" My throat burned from how much I had been crying, making my voice raspy.

"They don't need to know, but if they do find out, i'm here for you. You know that right?"

I nodded in response and sat up, putting my arms above my head to try and control my breathing.

"How bad are these?" Nick asked, hovering his fingers above the bandages on my arm.

"They aren't that bad. I'm so sorry, I couldn't stop myself." I collapsed into Nicks arms again, knowing that it must be hard on him to see me like this.

"Hey it's alright Clay. You're alright." His hand ran through my hair which helped calm me down a bit. "Why don't you come hang out at my house for the weekend."

I nodded and pulled away from his grasp, leaning against the wall. The room seemed to be spinning around me and my vision was blurry. The throbbing in my head got worse, making me wince in pain.

"Here I'll get some of your stuff in a bag for you."

Nick stood up and grabbed a backpack out of my closet before throwing some clothes into it and anything else I might need. He stuck his hand out for me to grab, but the room was spinning too fast for me to see where it had been.

"I'm too dizzy." I said quietly.

He reached down and grabbed around my waist, putting my arm on his shoulder for extra support. He guided me down the stairs, going somewhat quick to avoid my parents from stopping us. His mom sat in her car, but quickly got out of the front seat when she saw us walking out.

"Oh honey are you alright?" She asked, helping me into the car. I nodded in response and sat in the backseat, leaning my head against the seat. Nick sat next to me and closed the door.

My phone buzzed in my pocket yet again, but I didn't answer. I still could not bring myself to talk to George. Not yet.