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Shaak Ti - The feeling of loss

"- It is unfortunate that she decided to leave but we can not grieve her decision, afterall this is clearly what she wanted." Mace stated and looked out over the other councilmembers. Nobody spoke. Obi-wan stroke his beard and looked out of the window.

"- We will make it official then." Luminara Unduli who was allowed to take part of the special Council meeting nodded towards the Masters. Several others nodded back.

"- No longer part of the Jedi order, Ahsoka Tano is." Yoda spoke. His eyes traveled across the chamber and landed on Master Shaak Ti who was in deep thought.

Shaak didn't know what to think about the young Padawans unexpected departure, she had always thought that Ahsoka sooner or later would be her succesor as the representative for the Togruta in the Order. This had darkened her mind significantly. As she sat back in her chair deeper she felt guilty. She had been there when the decision to expell Ahsoka was made, altough she couldn't attend the trial itself. Trial,.. hah. She hadn't even got a chance to defend herself. They just sent her out.

"Bothering you something is, Master Ti?"  Shaak Ti lifted her eyes from the floor. In front of her was the hologram of Master Yoda. The short master watched her, trying to make out what she thought.

"- No Master, I... I have things to attend. May I leave?" Yoda studied her eyes for a while and then turned to the others. Mace nodded.

"- Meeting dismissed."

Shaak Ti put off the holoprojector and then leaned her head back over the backrest. She let out a sigh and stood up swiftly, taking support from the armrests. She looked out of the glass in her cuarters. The big waves on the other side splashed against it and drops from the rain ran down on the other side as she trailed her hand over a small crack. She would have to have someone come look at that. The stormy weather of Kamino felt both calming and alarming at the same time. After a while she took the hand down and let it be covered by the long sleve on her robe.

She walked to the door wich opened and let her into the corridor. The way to the training halls was long and went through many of the white and clean corridors. She fastened her steps as her breath began to increase in speed and her pulse pound in her chest. What had they done? How would she ever forgive herself? Sending out a little child to fend for herself didn't feel very Jedi-like. Clones walked past her in a small group and she accidentally tumbled into the shoulder of one of them.

"- I'm sorry." Shaak mumbled out and started to walk even faster. She changed her direction and stormed into a room along the long passage. In the middle of it was a metall table with several syringes laying on it. Shaak placed one of her hands on it to support her weight and then covered her face with the other.

Tears slowly started running down her chin and neck, soaking the edge of her tube top. She leaned her head back into the light and took a trembling breath while putting the second hand down with the other. The huge injustice hit her. They had done this to her. It was their fault. Nobody could blame Ahsoka for her decision, she had been betrayed by the only home she had ever known. The council had failed her, badly. May the force forgive us, we have fallen, Shaak Ti thought and swallowed.

After sorrow the anger came. Why? Why whould we not belive her? She hadn't done one single mistake and yet they had cast her out. How have we been lead down such dark path?? Shaak pressed her hand into fists. This is all wrong, so wrong. The order was failing. How many others will go down the same path as Ahsoka? She questioned herself. The Jedi let out an angry groan before casting out her hand over the table, swinging the needles into the wall with her invisible powers. Shaak's robe flared around her like in a storm by the powerful force use. The syringes made of glass shattered and fell to the floor in millions of pieces.

"- Whoah!!" A clone entered with his helmet under his arm and was supprised by the medical tools flying right past him into the wall. Shaak Ti looked at him with similar supprise, her eyes still blodshot. "I thought the room was empty, I.. I can g...." Blitz noticed the wet top and cleared his throat "Are you alright General?" Shaak glanced at him for a second and hurried to wipe her face into her sleeve. She put both her hands back to the table and the objects she had unknowingly levitated around her fell down. Shaak Ti looked around when they fell to the floor and realised what she had done.

"- You can stay Blitz. There just were some rather troubling Jedi-Matters earlier. I needed to get in here and breathe for a minute." Blitz looked at her trying to make eyecontact but the Jedi activly avoided seeing in his direction.

"- What happened?" Shaak tensed her shoulders for a moment, considering wherever or not she should talk about it to the Commander. Then she sighted and let her shoulders go loose.

"- Ahsoka Tano left the Jedi order." Now they finally saw eachother in the eyes. "After being cleared and offered her place back... She turned us down and declined. She quite literally walked away with only the clothes on her back. No credits or weapons or- or anything to.. To protect herself." Shaak was starting to shake again. "We cast her out." The statement was said as low as a wisper and just barely could be separated from a breath. "We left her to die! We abandoned her! Everyone knew she would be charged with execution, and we did nothing about it!" The normaly quiet and composed Jedi Master and General was now crying and shaking and hit the table with her fist.

"- I..." Blitz reached out his hand to her but then closed his fist and put it back down. "We are not supposed to have oppinions about the Jedi or their business... But that doesn't sit right with me. Co-... Miss. Tano, who you reffered to;.. She was the girl accused for the bombing right?" Blitz was so used to his General's calm nature that he didn't know how to act when she was having a breakdown. If it was one of his brothers he would talk with them until they calmed down and if they were agressive, hold them so that they couldn't hurt themselfves of someone else. As Commander, that was his job, not only to lead his brothers in the war, but to support them when having nightmares or feeling bad.

"- She is only sixteen. We hunted her down like an animal, like her years of loyalty meant nothing." Shaak saw the events flashing before her minds eye. Heard the words spoken by the council.

"- I am sorry, that sounds bad." In the corner of her eye Shaak saw Blitz put down his helmet on the table.

"- It was." Shaak met the eyes of the Kamino Force Commander again. "I got the news of her decision in the emergency meeting. We haven't had a Jedi leave the order in decades or maybe even centuries."

"- I take it you knew her, Sir?"

"- Yes." Shaak looked to her side and hid her face from the Commander. She felt slightly embarrased by how attached she had grown to the young padawan. "She was brave and stubborn and talented, I imagined her eventually taking my place in the council."

"- I guess you Jedi all have a family relation to eachother, I can't imagine what I would do if one of my men was accused for something like this. We have heard of traitors but it feels almost like an impossible situation. We offcourse wouldn't be able to choose to leave however..."

"- But doesn't that feel wrong Captain? You have near no rights or power of your lifes." The question often gnawed on Shaak Ti's mind, she was closer to the clones than most.

"- It is what we were created for. To fight for the Republic. I see no reason to leave. This gives us a purpouse."

"- I assume you are right... Tell me, do you have access to files about ships leaving and arriving to Coruscant?"

"- Yes, I have in fact." Blitz answered thoughtfully. Where was she going with that?

"- Could... Could you do me a favour? I need to know if Ahsoka has left the planet."

Sooo... How do you like my first oneshot? I have recently had the idea that it must have hit Shaak Ti pretty hard when Ahsoka left, not for any particular reason. I just imagine her as sensitive and that she would care for Ahsoka a lot because they are the same species and got to stay together. Tell me what you think!:)

Also I maybe will make a part two to this if you like it? Idk