Random x Reader Imagines

Jesse Pinkman/Gender-Neutral Reader ~ XI

word count: 1,287

~

the weeks following not only Combo's death but also Jane's was hard on Jesse, you tried your best to help him but he'd push you away before you could get too close to him, physically and emotionally. on rare occasions he'd hug you, but that was it. you wished you could do more, every day just seemed to get worse for Jesse.

it only hurt more because, as selfish as it sounded, you hated seeing him mourn over Jane when you liked him so much. you'd never take advantage of him (if he even allowed you to do so) just because he was vulnerable.

you took care of him just fine before their deaths, you would do just the same as he mourned. Walter had found him at the Gallery and taken him to rehab, something you were forever grateful for, but you missed hanging out with Jesse practically twenty-four-seven, so you made sure to carve out at least two or three days out of the week to go visit him.

he never really spoke when you were there. in fact, the only time he had spoken was one time out of the many times you'd gone. you were telling him about how you and Badger had pulled a prank on Skinny Pete and how Pete, in return, had hidden Badger's weed to make it look like it'd been stolen. you'd laughed softly at the memory and Jesse looked at you for the first time in weeks. you can still remember how he looked exactly: eyes tired with dark circles underneath and emotionless, scruffier than he liked, even his demeanour seemed almost unapproachable.

"i don't want you here," his voice sounded raggedy and upset like he might yell at you to get away. you'd paused for a moment, unsure how to reply as you thought maybe you'd heard him wrong, "wh-what?" your voice cracked a little, making you cringe internally. you wanted to hear make sure he said what you thought he did, "i... don't... want... you... here," Jesse repeated himself, slower in what you could only assume was so you'd understand better.

you shook your head disbelievingly, heart feeling like it might crack under the pressure, "what do you me-" that was when his eyes told you that he'd nearly lost it, "get out. go away from me. i don't want you here!" hearing Jesse's whisper-to-yell was scary if you were being completely honest. you felt like a lump was forming in your throat, the one where you were trying so hard not to try, and you did try, but your dumb eyes couldn't help themselves.

nodding slowly, your hands went up in surrender and you stood up, "alright, i'm sorry," you barely heard your own voice as you said it, so you weren't sure if he'd even heard you. once you'd reached the door to leave, you turned to look at him again, but he watched you like a hawk, so you left. that didn't stop you completely breaking down into tears and sobs in your car though.

you didn't go back until the next week, and even at that, you were still hesitant. you went in anyway- what was he going to do, yell at you again? there was nothing to lose. the moment you walked into the room Jesse was in, your throat closed up like before. he didn't notice you at first, but when you were three paces away, he looked up at you, but before he could say anything, you spoke with much difficulty, "if you don't want me here, say something. but please, hear me out first. if you don't like what i have to say, i'm gone."

Jesse nodded to the chair next to him, offering it to you, so you sat, still expecting him to get upset. after a moment, you run a hand over your face nervously, "Pete, Badge and i are all worried about you. hell, even Saul. we miss you, Jess... trust me, we're glad you're getting help, but we still want you back like crazy. i've even started smoking to try and cope with it, but it's not getting better. God, i sound so selfish, but i wish i'd been there for you more. i wanted to be the one you go to and be the one you trust the most. i wanted you to feel like you can tell me anything and everything, but now it's too late. i'm so proud of you for the days you've spent clean, but i wished i could help you get to that point. and every night i go to hang out with Badge and Pete, i tell them how you looked that day... how you seemed to be holding up, what i told you and if you had any reactions. Jess, we love you to pieces, even if the guys don't say it. i see it in their eyes when they crack a joke but realize you still aren't home. it feels like... like something is missing. you can bet every penny we think about you every single day," you pause for a moment to try and gauge his reaction, but he's deadpan, so you continue, "Jesse, this is probably the wrong time to say this, but there's no better time," you stop again because you know that if you look at him when you say this, you might start crying, "i love you. i love you a lot, and i have for a long time. i never told you because it was never the right time but now that it's the wrong time, i wish i could've told you at the not-right time."

you kept yourself composed but only just. time passes slowly as the silence thickened between you two... then he spoke, "i want you to leave." right then and there, you could've sworn your heart shattered on the floor in front of you. finally looking at him, your eyes welled up with tears again, "if that's what you want, i will." he nods once, though it looked like it took all his willpower to do so. you bite your tongue, hard and to the point where you tasted blood, but you stand anyway, "okay," you're not afraid as you lean over to his the top of his head, and you knew he understood you needed that.

turning to walk out, he speaks again, "(y/n)," your heart leaps in hopes that maybe he changed his mind, "yeah?" you turn back to him and jump as you find he'd left his seat to stand behind you, "i love you too-" his voice breaks as a tear dripped down his cheek, "and that's why you need to leave." he reaches a shaky hand up to cup your cheek and you flinch, remembering last week, but he only kisses your forehead gently.

before you realized it, he'd pulled away from you for the last time and put his back to you, "lose my number, (y/n)." you didn't say anything as you pushed the door open and walked out. away from Jesse, away from whatever was left of the man you loved so dearly. you didn't even call Pete or Badger to let them you were coming over, you just went there. hell, you didn't even knock.

closing the door, you lean against it and slide down it to the floor, tears flooding your cheeks. Badger stomps down the stairs to see you and yelled at Pete to 'get his ass down here' and sat next to you on the floor, "how did it go?" his voice was tense, anxious. Pete just made it to hear you whisper, "he... he doesn't want to see me again."