The Beginning of Summer

Part 3 - Bad at Feelings

As a kid, I've had plenty of admirers in school, but I didn't know that people were into me until someone told me. This is where I discovered that I am not good at understanding feelings or affection. People have flirted with me but I don't realize that they were. I just thought that they were being nice. I have hurt people's feelings because of this, and it feels horrible. I don't know how to see hints and I don't sometimes say the right things. 

My friends know this part of me, and they sometimes help me out if I can't read the room. Though, sometimes they troll me and say that some people are actually flirting with me. Maybe they are, maybe they don't. I don't know, I can't really trust my friends too when it comes to that.

* * * * *

I recall a memory from junior high school. 

There was this girl who would always look at me with a smile on her face. I would smile back and nod my head.

One time, after class, she approached me at my desk and gave me a chocolate bar.

"For me?" I was perplexed as she hands me the bar."

"Yes!" She was enthused.

"But why?"

"Well," she looks down as she shakes her upper body from left to right. "You seem pretty nice, so as a token of my appreciation and newfound friendship, I give you this."

I accepted the chocolate bar. I didn't feel attracted or anything. I was just happy that she wants to be friends. "Thank you so much!"

"My name is Seiko by the way!" She enthusiastically reached for a handshake. I smiled and accepted it.

We became friends that day. Though, every day, she keeps buying me different things, which I find weird. She keeps spending money on me. I just thought that that was her way of showing her friendship for me, nothing more, nothing less.

One day, Kaito noticed my interaction with Seiko in class. While walking home, he asks me about it.

"So Kyo, you and that girl are dating?"

"What do you mean, Kaito? Seiko?"

"Yeah. I noticed that you have been hanging out with her and she always buys you stuff. Though isn't it supposed to be the other way around?"

I was confused because I didn't know what he was talking about. "What? No! Why do you think we are dating."

"Dude, she literally buys you stuff every day since you guys met and both of you have been hanging out almost every day."

"No, that can't be it!" I replied. I really couldn't believe it. I didn't sense a single sign of attraction. "She just thinks of me as a friend."

He facepalms. "Whatever, man. You are so shallow. Sooner or later, she'll confess to you and you'll accidentally hurt her feelings."

To that day, my mind has been bugging me. Was she actually into me? I really didn't believe it. Was I that shallow? I didn't genuinely think that her gifts are signs of attraction. Kaito might be right. If she actually likes me that way and she confessed, I might hurt her because of the obvious signs that I couldn't even notice.

I hope that day never comes.

* * * * *

That day actually came.

It was such a cliché moment that it happened in spring as cherry blossoms fall from the tree while we were walking home after school.

"What?" I was dumbfounded at the moment.

"I like you," She says shyly. She wasn't looking at me.

I really couldn't say anything because Kaito was right and I was so shallow that I didn't see the obvious signs.

"Was it obvious?" She says. "I bought you stuff and almost hung out with you every day when I have time, so I thought that I was pretty obvious."

Crap. Those were obvious, yet I didn't see it. I hate this. I tried to say something, but my mouth couldn't form words. I was stuttering right there.

"Kyo? Are you alright?"

"Uhh- I- uhhhh-" I was sweating hard. "Th-thanks."

Crap, why did I say that?! Thanks?! Really?!

"Oh, uhmmm," The color she gives off suddenly fades as if the atmosphere went pale. "I see. Well, I'm glad that I got that off my chest. I wasn't really expecting you to say the same. I'm just happy that we could hang out!" 

I hate this I hate this I hate this I hate this I hate this. 

"I just remembered, uhmmm, I have to stop at the pharmacy. See you!" She was in a hurry that I didn't have to say anything to her. I don't know if she was actually in a hurry to go to the pharmacy or in a hurry to get away from me, and to this stay, it still bugs me. 

After that day, we never hung out again. I couldn't gather my strength to talk to her and I regretted that because she moved to another part of the country.

"Dude......" I heard a faint voice. It slowly fades until I heard it clearly. "Dude!!"