I didn't know how I made it back to the throne room. One moment, I was dragging a bloodied Ferdinand through heavy arrow fire with Hubert at our heels. The next, my hands were empty, my ears were ringing, and I collapsed on the steps of the throne room's dais.
Blood dripped ominously from my forehead and I tore off my crown, letting my hair fall in sticky clumps down my back. I couldn't tell where else I was bleeding—that's the beauty of red armor—but all I knew was that everything hurt and it felt good to sit.
It was only a matter of time before Rhea's forces stormed the castle and I'd lose my title, along with my life. And what could I do about it? My mission to liberate Fódlan had failed. My forces were decimated, my friends were lost and separated.
I tossed my crown aside.
If you had asked me a day ago, I would've said I was prepared for anything. I had every confidence we would be victorious and the Black Eagle Strike Force would celebrate the birth of a new world, one we forged together.
But I wasn't prepared for what I'd do if I lost them, and I most certainly wasn't prepared to see her on the battlefield.
"Of course they sent you," I spat, staring at Garrag Mach's long-lost professor from across the room. "Not Rhea, not Dimitri. It had to be you, Professor."
She said nothing in return as she stood frozen in the entryway.
Even after five years, dead as far as anyone knew, the professor hadn't changed. She could've been an illusion, too perfect to be real, but I didn't care. Aside from the unnatural hair and eye color gifted to her from the gods and that accursed sword in her hand, she looked the same as the day we first met.
I felt my heart stutter when she finally left the doorway, her footfalls muffled by the red carpet leading to the throne.
"You saved me once, Professor. The day we met. Do you remember?" It was stupid to ask, but I wanted to hear her voice and make sure it was really her. She had been gone five years and not a moment went by where I didn't think of her, where I didn't want to seek her counsel, where I didn't dream of a world where she ruled by my side.
She stopped without a word and looked down on me with that ever unreadable expression. That flinty look in her eyes used to be so familiar and reassuring; it meant we had done a good job on our class missions. Now, those pale green eyes, once a deep, navy blue, sent chills down my spine.
There was nothing to say, but still so much I wanted her to know.
"Well I never thanked you for that. That was the moment that I—" I dared to reach for her, like how a flower would try to seek out the sun, but the Sword of the Creator came between us. As it always did.
"I ..." The words I had wanted to say instantly died in my throat. I realized there was no point in saying them if she was only here to kill me. I lowered my hand and she lowered her sword, "I know that I do not deserve that kindness now, nor did I back then."
I stared down at my hands, wishing I at least had Aymr to hold onto. I couldn't remember if I had broken it (could it break?) or if I dropped it when I picked up Ferdinand.
Ferdinand. And Hubert. And Lin, and Caspar, and Petra, Bernie, Dorothea.
"I saw Hubert go down in my name, Professor." I didn't know why I was still talking. It wasn't like she wanted to listen, why hadn't she lifted her sword yet? I just kept talking. "I saw Ferdinand fight his last. I told Lin and Caspar to flee. I don't know where Dorothea or Bernie are, but I know Petra surrendered in order to protect Brigid and I do not blame her."
Even if any of them survived by some miracle, I knew Rhea's forces wouldn't have a shred of mercy for them. I led them to this fate. I rallied them to my cause and I ...
"I failed them, Professor." I wanted to throw up. I wanted to scream. I wanted to run back out there and kill every last one of them. "I failed my precious friends and I cannot live knowing how badly I failed them."
The professor was utterly silent as I sat on my knees and cried at her feet. Like a child who skinned her knee or lost a prized stuffed animal, I cried like I never had before. Crying was always beneath an Adrestian emperor, a skilled warrior, a former house leader.
They always said crying got you nowhere. Well now I had nowhere to go anyway.
The world was torturous, sending the one I loved most to put an end to my righteous conquest and finally let me rest. It was wrong but it was right. I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.
Drying my tears and wiping dried blood from my face, I took a deep breath, "Even so, I should be grateful you shall save me again, Professor. Although I don't deserve it, I would like to see my friends again."
(I hoped the Black Eagles would meet again in the sky. Perhaps I would join them, perhaps not.)
I bowed before the professor, closing my eyes, "You know ... I wanted to walk with you. But now, I understand that is not my path."
I felt the rush of air as the professor raised that accursed sword and I smiled.
"Thank you, my teacher." I loved you more than you could ever know.
