Can I Help You, Mr. Styles? (Zarry AU)

Ch. 24 - I Am So Mad At You

Third Person P.O.V.

As the huge oak door swung open, Zayn, teeth subtly chattering in his mouth from the cold, was met with the piercing blue eyes of his best friend, rimmed with a redness that the Pakistani boy knew he caused.

There Niall stood, looking so battered and broken that Zayn genuinely had to wonder if he had been crying all day. Niall sniffed and wiped his nose with the back of his hand and looked up. Zayn felt as if Niall was staring through him rather than at him. There was an emptiness in his gaze that broke Zayn down once again for the night.

The way Niall was feeling was so painfully visible on his face that Zayn immediately wanted nothing more in the world than to take back what he said earlier. It was a moment of passion and in the heat of that moment, Zayn selfishly lashed out and blamed his best friend of more than 5 years for something they were BOTH responsible for. This was the first time Zayn was able to clearly see where he had gone wrong.

Zayn's phone chimed and he stuck his hand in his pocket and turned his ringer off, knowing he wanted zero distractions tonight. He owed Niall at the very least his fullest attention.

"Can I come in?" he asked, embarrassed, knowing his eyes must also be puffy from earlier that night and the bright porch lights weren't helping.

Niall didn't answer, only moved to the side to make space for Zayn to walk in.

He did, and upon taking a couple more steps Zayn realized it was quiet enough to hear a pin drop in Niall's sizable house.

"Where's—"

"They went out to dinner." Niall interrupted. His first words of the night were raspy. His throat no doubt scratchy from hours of crying.

"Oh," the other boy responded. "Why didn't you go with them?"

Niall apparently didn't feel that that question warranted a verbal response and decided to simply point at his own face as an answer.

There were streaks of dried tears leading all the way down his face and neck into the collar of Niall's T-shirt, which was red and filled with random tear soaked spots where he'd used the cotton to wipe his eyes and nose. His cheeks were an angry red and his lips were swollen and chapped.

It was obvious what was occurring in front of him. Not only had Zayn chosen Justin over him romantically, but he had chosen pining for Justin's forgiveness over his friendship with Niall. The truth was—he had hung his best friend out to dry, after asking Niall to help him cheat.

Zayn's bottom lip began to quiver and his eyes filled with tears as he scanned his best friend's appearance over and over again. Zayn knew his words held weight to Niall or else he never would've wasted his breath, but he never knew they were this heavy.

Niall scratched the back of his neck and he looked down at floor in what Zayn could only assume was shame.

"So did you come here to yell at me again or what?" Niall asked quietly.

Zayn shook his head and sniffled. He started to speak and immediately choked up, choosing to let out a long exhale instead.

Niall looked up and noticed the tears in his best friend's eyes and stood silently, looking intently at him.

"I'm sorry," Zayn said finally, blinking the tears away. "I am so sorry."

Niall didn't say anything, so Zayn continued, finally meeting his eyes.

"I broke up with Justin tonight." Niall's eyes widened.

"Oh," the blond responded quietly.

Zayn nodded and let out a wry laugh.

"And I want my best friend back. What I did wasn't fair to anyone involved and I'm sorry I hurt you both the way I did."

He searched Niall's face and found a plethora of different emotions. He realized it probably seemed like he came over to choose Niall and he wasn't sure how they were supposed to continue their friendship now that Zayn was aware of Niall's infatuation with him.

"I know you um..." Zayn cleared his throat. "I know you have feelings for me, and I'm sorry I was too oblivious to realize that the sex we were having was only meaningless, to me."

Niall looked off to the side and rubbed the side of his face on his shirt. His face was quickly turning red from what Zayn hoped was just embarrassment and not sadness or anger.

"If you don't want to be friends anymore, I completely understand I just...I needed to apologize to you-,"

Niall nodded to himself.

"-because I love you."

And then Niall was the one to let out a breath and laugh a wry laugh. He put his hands on his hips while staring at the floor. He stayed there for a while before he looked up at the ceiling, eyes brimming with tears.

Zayn played with his rings out of nervousness waiting for a response.

Niall nodded to himself once more before looking Zayn in the eyes, a single tear fell from his left eye, and sunk into his T-shirt among the others that dried there.

"I miss you," Niall started, causing Zayn's heart to soar before-

"But I can't." And Zayn's heart shattered. He looked at Niall sadly.

"I can't. And don't, d-don't," his voice cracked, "look at me like that." Zayn looked down at his hands immediately.

"I can't do this anymore. I can't just be friends with you, I don't know how anyone could just be friends with you, Zayn."

Zayn began to tear up before cursing himself in his head. This is what he deserved, he wasn't about to pity himself and start bawling.

Niall took a deep breath, full on tears falling onto his red cheeks now.

"I love you more than I ever even thought was possible and I am going to miss being your friend but I can't go backwards from here. It's all on the table, you know how I feel about y—how I've felt about you for years, and I can't ignore the fact that you don't feel the same way. I can't be close to you and watch you be happy with someone else...not right now. I thought I was playing the long game. I thought we were both going to stay single for the foreseeable future. I thought we were going to keep messing around until someone finally decided to say 'hey we've been doing this for so long why don't we just date each other'...and I am heartbroken. I am so heartbroken that you don't feel the same way—that this little plan I had all figured out in my head was just some fucked up illusion because you could be so emotionally detached. And I'm not mad at you but I am so mad at you."

Zayn was squeezing the life out of his thumb, racking his brain and trying to figure out how he got here. His life was fine when senior year started, how had it become this huge mess? How had he lost two great people in the same night? How was he supposed to go on without his best friend?

After standing in the same spot without saying a word, he finally nodded to himself for the last time while staring at his shoes and said,

"I understand. Good night, Niall."

And with that he turned on his heels and walked out the door he came in through. It had begun to rain and he walked down the street blinded by his tears, his clothes becoming more and more soaked as he walked. Through his sobs, he took out his phone to open the notification he got at Niall's assuming it was his dad wondering where the fuck he was.

He read it and slowed down before turning around and walking in the opposite direction of his house.