Birdcage

Chapter 8 Lila...

It's Monday morning and I'm sat on the tube on my way to work, staring at the window opposite me, my reflection looking back. An elderly woman sits in the seat under the window- eyeing me suspiciously- clutching her handbag to her chest as if I might snatch it at any given moment. I must look deranged as I sit, chewing my lip, facial expression blank like the lights are on but no one's home. I didn't sleep much last night for thinking, unable to turn my brain off of all the things Dane told me. I spent my whole Sunday in the house in my pyjama's, waiting to see if he would call and trying to work out if he lied. A spy? That's pretty much what he implied isn't it? It's unheard of; I only ever read about this stuff or watch it on the television. Never in my wildest dreams did I think he would come out with that. At the time, with him in my kitchen- so close I could feel his breath- my judgement was clouded. I couldn't think straight and when he left; I just couldn't shake the feeling of him. It was only late yesterday that I started thinking properly. He can't be telling the truth, can he? No- it's probably a pick-up line he uses all the time and I fell for it. I feel so stupid.

I tear my eyes away from the blackness of the tube window, and look down at my hands which are laid in my lap. I take a deep breath in and release it before mentally telling myself to stop this nonsense. I need to concentrate on work, plus Maisie will be home tonight so that should distract me. I look up at the elderly woman now and give her a small smile. She doesn't return it, but she does loosen the grip on her bag a little.

Work is the same as it always is on a Monday morning. The phone doesn't stop ringing and Max has several meetings that I have to cater for. I ensure food and drinks are available and everyone is where they need to be. I answer all of Max's emails from the weekend and organise his meetings for tomorrow. I show a new client around the building too, giving them my best smile, and all the charm I can muster. I'm enjoying it actually; it takes my mind off other matters. I'm showing them our portfolio when Max appears at my side, placing his hand on the small of my back. The hairs on my arms and the back of my neck stand on end- not in the good way- and his overpriced aftershave invades my nose causing me to recoil ever so slightly.

"Thanks for showing our guests around Lila, I'll take it from here though. Can you make us some coffee please," he asks, before turning his attention to the client. "Would you like to follow me? We'll go over some thoughts in my office, your drinks will be delivered there." He doesn't give me a second look as he walks away leaving me to go and make the coffee. I don't mind though; it means I don't have to stand there with him touching me any longer.

Once I've delivered the coffee, I finally return to my desk with a drink of my own, and let myself have five minutes. I had a small lunch break earlier but it was cut short when he asked me to show them around. I say 'ask', but I mean told. While I sit drinking my cappuccino, I can't help my mind wonder back to Dane. I even find myself on Facebook searching his name. Problem is I only have his first name, and there are a lot of 'Danes' in the world. I keep scrolling down the pages looking for a picture that might resemble him but I don't come across anything. He said he would contact me, but I've heard nothing yet. Then again it has only been a day. Do I even want him to contact me, even though I'm certain he's lied to me? I sit back in my chair exasperated. Why couldn't this be normal or simple? Why can't he just be your average joe who asks me out on a real date. That's not what I asked for though is it - I asked for the type of romance I read in my novels and that's pretty much what the universe has tried to give me. Well, it's a disappointment.

"Why so glum sugar-plum?" Robbie stands at the side of me, hand on hip, standing like a model posing for their photo to be taken. He's looking at me with his head tilted, and bottom lip sticking out in an exaggerated pout.

"Nothing- just men, and me being mad at myself for being so desperate." I fold my arms not looking him in the eye.

"I'd be desperate too if I'd gone as long as you without any action." I snap my head in his direction and slap him on the leg. He jumps back a little giggling at his own joke.