Forgetting The Ex

Stop It With The Lies

"I...",I clear my throat. Spit out the words Sandy."I don't want to marry Nikhil",I tell my mother.

"Oh",the disappointment in my mother's Oh rings in my ears,making me squeeze my eyes shut.

I can never make anyone happy.

"Is there a particular reason?"

"Just...I spoke to him for a bit. I don't think we are compatible",I lie through my teeth.

I'm Sorry,Mom.

"Sandy",my mother tsks,"You decided you weren't compatible in just one conversation? Take some time beta. Try to get to know him better."

"Ma!",I exclaim,"You said No pressure. Why are you asking me to continue to try when I don't want to."

A long pause.

"Do you have anything to share with me Sandy?",I hear my mother's stern voice,as I go pale, clutching my mobile tighter.

"N... No",I try to laugh,"Why are you asking like that?"

"It just seems strange. You're usually not the kind of person to judge someone so early. So if you think you're not compatible, I'm interested to know why you think so,in such a short span of time. Or is there something else altogether?"

"You are reading too much into this Mom."

"Sandy. Did you know Nikhil prior to the meeting?"

My heart stops,my blood running cold.

How on Earth did my mother come to that conclusion?

When I don't say anything,my mother continues,"I've noticed your behaviour on the day they came to meet you as well. You were oddly restless."

"I'm restless in all such meetings",I point out, determined to get out this.

"So what does 'Sandy didn't change a bit since we last met' mean? How does Ananya know you?"

If I was panicking previously,there seems no bound to the state of mind I'm in right now.

Should I continue to lie or come clean?

"Sandy? Why are you not saying anything? Are you in trouble?",I hear my mother's distressed voice.

"Ma...that-"

"Stop it with the lies",She snaps.

I gulp down the lump in my throat, terrified.But it was my mother. Can I confide in her?

I decide what to say next.

"Yes. I know Nikhil from before. And... he's not a -",good guy,I think of saying,but stop, my mouth unable to spill the words,"I...I just don't like him like that . And he was just a casual acquaintance."

"And how do you know him?"

I press my lips together,"He was my senior."

"Okay",my mother says,"Why haven't you told me this before?"

"Ma. Stop it with the interrogation",I was getting annoyed,"I didn't think it was necessary. And it's just awkward. What's the point in telling you when I won't take it further?"

Don't spoil Nikhil's life Sandy.
He doesn't deserve someone like you. He can do far better.

I shut my eyes,rubbing my forehead.

Fuck you,Dhruv.

"Look Sandy. I know there's more to this than you are letting me on. But I won't force you",my mother pauses,"I always want best for you beta. And I and your dad honestly think Nikhil is a good boy. So if you actually have a strong reason to reject him, which you don't want to share,we are not going to force you. You are more important to us than society. But I advise you to think about it again."

I don't deserve such loving parents.

When I don't respond,she continues,"Nikhil is moving to Mumbai in the next few days. His sister mentioned about it. See if you can meet him once and get some clarity."

I become more and more miserable.

Why on Earth is Nikhil shifting back?

First Dhruv,and now Nikhil?

"I...I will think about it Ma",I lie, bidding her Bye.

Don't spoil Nikhil's life Sandy.
He doesn't deserve someone like you. He can do far better.

Stop. Stop. Stop it!! I screech into the empty room.

You don't seem to be over Dhruv. And I don't want to marry you if that's the case.

Nikhil's words vibrate through my ear all of a sudden.

My heart aches as I think of Dhruv. My first love.

Even though I hate him for all that has happened between us, there's a part of me that refuses to just forget about him and move on.

And Nikhil is right,I have no right to spoil his life,when I have no clarity over my feelings.

I shut the door behind me, mechanically commuting as I go to the beach,my heart in a state of frenzy.

The place never fails to calm me down.

As I let the soft waves tease my feet,I make my decision.

Double update!!!
Dun Dun Dun.

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