skin.

bitter

when jisung woke up, it was already midday. not that he knew that. his blinds were still down but he decided to finally make an effort to get over his breakup. the effort started with getting out of bed.

he took a shower, letting the water wash away his dried tears that almost felt like a second skin, plastered on top of his own.

taking a shower made him feel a little better, even though he still felt like he would cry at any moment. he threw minho's baby blue hoodie into the laundry basket and bit his lip. he didn't want to let go of minho's stuff. his scent on the hoodie, the sauce stain on its sleeve from the last time they ate at his house together.

but minho clearly didn't care about that. he was dating him now.

hwang hyunjin.

jisung had never liked him. he was too perfect. so pretty. nice to the others. tall. blonde. he always thought hyunjin was interested in minho. ever since the two went to that movie premiere and hyunjin talked to minho. it was just talk but jisung could feel his desire through it. he wasn't dense.

maybe minho wasn't either. maybe he had wanted hyunjin all along.

then it hit jisung.

i want to break up

he didn't say 'we need to break up' or 'let's break up'.

want

didn't he want him anymore? was he only playing him? was it all a game to minho? did he want hyunjin from the start? was jisung just a rebound for what minho thought he could never have?

these thoughts tormented jisung. he went to the kitchen to get himself a glass of water and once he drunk it, still overthinking, he wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his sweater.

it was just a habit at this point. his eyes were dry.

this meant that he was finally at the peak of his frustration: he couldn't even cry anymore. 

without a second thought, he went out of his apartment, heading for that park next to minho's house that they had loved going to.

he passed by his mailbox. he normally didn't open it a lot. in fact, it had been months since he last opened it. and so, since the day was already upside down since the morning, jisung decided to take a look inside. he had a bunch of bills, all of which he had paid, some ads and a letter from the drivers examination centre. he opened that one first. he had passed it.

he bit his lips. he could legally drive now. his heartbeat accelerated in a mixture of excitement and utter disappointment and he hugged the letter closer to his chest like both a congratulatory outburst and a goodbye to a dear friend.

he would need to send a picture for his documents or even take a new one. then he would need to go to the other side of town to pick the document up. on his own.

despite what minho had promised.

instead of going to the park, jisung decided to go to chan's.

he took the bus, probably for the last time since he just got his permission to drive a car. yet it didn't feel as special as minho had promised.

the bitter taste of betrayal and disappointment submerged everything else and jisung could feel and the warm tears streamed down again as he beeped his ticket on the machine on the bus.

he opened his bag, getting out a pencil and the letters he found in his mailbox and started scribbling on the back of the envelopes. he was writing his feelings down, letting go of his emotions on paper.