The Boy and the Ghost

The Durian Chendol

The crowd around Ampang Spectral Mall had lessened to a handful of people as Maghrib was coming and people were heading home. Suresh and Jacob took a taxi to Spectral Mall and he waited at the entrance.

It was ten minutes past 7. And after waiting idly and looking at the sky turn an indigo plane strewn with stars, he watched as the Sun sank below the hills to West.

He remembered he had Daniel's number. (A perk of being in a WhatsApp class group chat).

Hey! This is Suresh

sent 7.30 pm

I'm at the mall entrance rn

received 7.31pm

Are you on your way? Did you forget?

sent 7.36pm

Twenty minutes and no reply. And then he sent,

Do you maybe wanna reschedule?

sent 7.57pm

Suresh looked up from his phone and took one last look around, disappointment written all over his face. He looked back at Jacob. "He's not coming."

"That bastard." Jacob said. "Can't believe he ghosted you." And then, suddenly, Jacob started laughing maniacally.

"You find this funny, asshole?"

"No, no." He replied between chuckles. "It's just...I'm a ghost. And he ghosted-"

"Oh haha very funny." Suresh deadpanned. Jacob stopped laughing.

"I'm so stupid." Suresh smacked his forehead. "As if he'd ever actually go out with me."

"Suresh, don't beat yourself up over it. Honestly he wasn't that great. He's an asshole who just tries to hookup with smart people to get help with assignments and shit. He probably just wanted your notes or something."

"Wow, thanks Jacob, I feel so much better."

Jacob paused for a while before he lighted up with an idea. "Let's go. I'm taking you somewhere."

"Where?"

"To a place I go when I feel sad."

They walked a few metres passed the little restaurants and bistros that lined the street, along with the vendors that sold golden, crispy banana fritters, spicy and sweet rojak and fresh fruits like longan, rambutan and durian. There were fairy lights and bright yellow lanterns along the street lamps, probably to brighten up a once dingy street.

"This is the place you go?" Suresh asked dumbfounded, as they stopped in front of a tiny roadside stall.

"They have the best chendol and ais kacang you'll ever have." Jacob said with a big grin. "Ask for a chendol with durian. Trust me on that. You'll love it."

Suresh walked up the old baju kurung clad lady. "Makcik, nak satu cendol dengan durian."

She nodded, and got straight to work. Shoveling shaved ice into a plastic bowl and topping it with a few spoonfuls of pandan flavoured grass jelly and soaked in sweet, fresh coconut milk and a generous drizzle of coconut brown sugar syrup. And topped it with a fleshy durian seed.

Much to his surprise it was only two ringgit. And it was the best chendol he'd ever eaten, much to his chagrin because he didn't want Jacob to think cendol was the solution to sadness. But maybe it was.

After a few spoonfuls, Suresh admitted "I was actually really looking forward to that date."

"I mean, I never go out. I never date or do anything. I just constantly feel like I'm not good enough. Not smart enough. Not cute enough." Suresh took another big bite of chendol.

"You know if you've ever been on Grindr in Malaysia or probably anywhere else, you'd see how ridiculous it is. Everything is centred around sex, race and looks. No Indian. Only Chinese. Only Malay. No chubby, no skinny, no short, no pondan, no femme. And everyone is looking for sex and not genuine conversations.  They might as well write in all caps SURESH RAJENDRAN IS BANNED." Suresh realised he might have said that a little too loud when he noticed others look at him, so he lowered he his head and quieted down.

"And you know...." Suresh took a breath as if the words wouldn't come out it he didn't. "I have to admit I've always been jealous of you, Jacob."

Saying this wasn't easy at all for Suresh.

"And not just because of the grades and the competitions that I've lost to you, but the way everyone liked you.  All your friends. The teachers. Your looks, your body, your cute face. It's just so annoying that I can't be likeable or date-able if I'm not attractive."

"If it's any consolation I always found you really cute." Jacob quietly said, almost a whisper.

"Very funny"

Jacob let out this sort of dry laugh. "I'm serious. You're the most confident person I know.  You came out even when all the boys were still homophobic assholes. I would never in a million years have the courage to do that. To be myself.  And you never let it get to you." Jacob looked at Suresh with that same look back at the mamak that made his cheeks flush.

"I mean the way you wore what you wore to the talent show years ago, I couldn't stop staring at you. How confident you were. How beautiful you looked." Jacob wasn't looking at Suresh, and it was for the best because Suresh was silently choking on his chendol.

"So how do you like the chendol?" Jacob asked, probably in an effort to change the subject, as he scratched the back of his head.

"Best chendol I've ever had." Suresh replied honestly. "You come here a lot?"

"Only when I feel like shit or my parents are fighting. So yeah, I come here a lot." Jacob let himself smile for a moment. "Either that or I get completely wasted."

Jacob's smile fell. "I used to bring my little sister here too."

Suresh noticed the way Jacob's expression darkened. And for a moment all he wanted to hug him. Or at least lay a hand on his back. But he realised he couldn't do that even if he tried.

"Do you miss her?"

Jacob nodded. "Like hell."

After some hesitation Suresh looked at Jacob, as if the thought in his head could no longer keep quiet, because he's wanted to ask for the longest time.

"Jacob..." Suresh wasn't sure if he was going to actually say this. "Can I ask... what happened? Like how, how-"

"How did I die?" Jacob finished. His expression didn't look as disturbed as Suresh thought he would be. Jacob glanced down at Suresh's empty bowl. "You done?"

"Yeah."

"Come with me."