The Boy and the Ghost

The Goddess of Mercy

An hour later, when Suresh had bathed and changed (twice because Suresh's mum wasn't satisfied with his first outfit and they had settled on checkered pants and collared t-shirt), and he and Jacob headed to the school library, that was thankfully empty since no one likes studying on Saturdays.

Or maybe just because unlike Suresh they probably had a more active social life. He started pulling out books on folklore and supernatural lore, albeit there were only a few, and he started skimming through each of them for something useful.

Suresh was rapt up in a book on parapsychology and chewing on the top of his pencil when Jacob broke the silence with a question.

"Are you really going to go out with Daniel?" Jacob sneered.

"Yeah." Suresh replied while skimming through the book he found. "Why?"

"I just don't like him."

"Why?"

"I don't know, ok?" Jacob responded, suddenly defensive. "I don't like the attention you give him."

Suresh looked at Jacob with suspicion and Jacob rephrased his statement. "I mean he's not worth your attention, Susu. He's a player and an asshole. Trust me."

Suresh didn't believe Jacob at all because Daniel was the sweetest guy he knew. And really smart. But he definitely believed that Jacob didn't like him.

Once when Daniel had started talking to Suresh towards the end morning break about something to do with homework or an assignment, Jacob came up to them and said "Aren't you already five minutes late for History, Susu? Morning break is over.  You might wanna make it to class on time considering you barely got an A last term." And Suresh got so angry and flustered he just left for history class without even saying bye to Daniel.

When Suresh couldn't find anything he decided to give up and lay his head down the wooden table and groan. After his third or fourth groan, Jacob rolled his eyes and said "Why don't we have some lunch?"

"I thought ghosts don't eat."

"But you do." Jacob responded. "Come on."

They found a nice mamak nearby to sit down and eat. Suresh ordered a large plate of mee goreng and an iced milo.

"You know I'm pretty jealous of you, Susu." Jacob suddenly chimed after Suresh had a few mouthfuls of his mee. "Like when I saw you and your parents have breakfast together.  And how close you all are. I never had that with my parents."

Suresh was pretty surprised at this sudden confession from Jacob. Almost as if he managed to peel layers off his ego and annoyingly perfect persona, and had let him see a glimpse of the human underneath.

"My parents, weren't exactly pleased when they found out I was gay.  At first they even tried to fix me." Suresh looked away from Jacob and stared at his milo which he stirred slowly.

"What changed?"

"I guess we both did.  At first I was angry, and really sad and disappointed. But then I reminded myself they're from a different generation. Different mindset. They just need time."

"I was born in March in 2001. Around the time of the Kampung Medan riots.  My dad was even beaten up on his way home from work because of some racist assholes. That's how he got that limp." He took a breath.

"And so my parents made it their mission to raise me to be open and proud of who I am. No matter who tells me I'm different and worth less, I worth just as much as anyone else and I shouldn't be treated differently because of who I am. When I repeated all this back them and said they were hypocrites for not accepting me, I guess they started understanding my side more."

"And so with time, they became more accepting. Of my femininity, my sexuality, my identity. My mum even started telling me stories about gender fluidity and same-sex love within Hindu and Indian stories like Vishnu and his female avatars and Lord Shiva telling two queens to make love and conceive a child and since my mum worships Kuan Yin, you know, the Chinese Goddess of Mercy-"

"-I'm literally Chinese, Susu."

"Anyways she told me that Kuan Yi's statues sometimes depict her as male. A gender fluid deity like most Hindu-Buddhist Gods. My dad started reading up on articles that prove it's actually normal and natural to be they way that I am. "

"My dad even said I could date boys as long as they were good to me, and he would kill them if they broke my heart. Which was all really sweet. But their acceptance and understanding definitely took time." Suresh felt strange after saying all this, he'd never told this to anyone else. "People can change."

"I've given my parents plenty of time and they never changed." Jacob said after a while. "They would fight all the time. I felt like I was never seen at home. Never myself.  The only time they'd ever acknowledge my existence was when I told them about my marks or some prize I won. And even then it's just a pat on the back. If not they just forget I exist and start arguing right in front of me."

"They even did that at the wake. Started fighting over what my casket should look like. And who to call for the funeral. I mean how fucked up is that."

"I'm sorry, Jacob." Suresh didn't know what else he could say.  And for the first time, he saw a side to Jacob he never knew existed.

Jacob didn't respond. He looked down at his fingers and back to Suresh. "You know there's this Buddhist temple near Jalan Janda Merana. My parents go there to pray on certain days a year and bring me with them. One time when I was six, they started fighting again in front of everyone. And started shouting. I tried speaking to them but they just ignored me. I got so upset because I felt like I was invisible.  And I went outside and sat under this big willow tree. And just cried my eyes out." And then Jacob started to smile and the air felt so much lighter.

"And this boy came up to me and handed me a tissue. He even gave me a hug and told me not to be sad. It's hard to explain but I felt like I existed and I was seen." He paused for a moment after his recollection and smiled.

"Gwan Yum Temple right?" Suresh asked. "My mum prays there occasionally. She used to bring me sometimes."

Jacob smiled. "I know Susu. That boy was you."

Suresh just stared at Jacob. The funny thing is that Suresh did remember doing that to a boy when he was around six, but it never really occurred to him it was Jacob.

"That was you?"

"It was." And Jacob looked at Suresh in a way that made his cheeks hot for some reason.

The conversation bounced easily back and forth between the both of them, and Suresh had no idea he'd enjoy talking and sharing personal stories with someone, let alone Jacob Lam. Suresh looked away and noticed the Sun was blazing and yellow and it was already setting. He looked at his watch and noticed it was getting late.

"We better get going." Suresh said as he packed up his things.

"Yeah." Jacob sighed. "For your date."