Clear and Present Danger

I'm Sorry

Asking me to marry him was too overwhelming for me. There were a lot of things that happened, and this is probably one of those that I just could not decide right away.

Seo Jin has to at least know the real deal about me.

'I don't think you know what you are talking about, SJ,' I said as I turned to look away from him.

He fell silent. 'I think I know what I am talking about, Yeonssi,' he replied.

In our relationship, when we have something that we don't feel like talking about right away, we tend to keep silent about it for a while. Tonight is not an exemption. Marriage to someone whom I truly love is something that I really want to, but then if I have some things about myself which I have not told him yet, it's not proper. I want to at least come clean to him before I say yes.

'You don't know me yet, SJ,' I said. 'The real me.'

'I am willing to listen to you,' he replied.

'Now is not the right time,' I replied, as I stood up. 'Can we leave now? I'm tired,' I said as I walked away from him, and went to his car first. He closely followed me and opened the door. I got in, and he went to his seat likewise. Driving the car to where my home was, we both were silent once more. Not a word was said about what we talked about earlier in the church garden.

He turned off the engine when we arrived and he did not move an inch. I took off my seatbelt and as I was about to open the door, he held my hand.

'Let me do that for you,' he said, as he got out and went to my side. I got down and tried to dodge him. I know Seo Jin, he gives me a hug everytime he brings me home. My mind was clouded right now, and I don't want to tell him about it. I love him, and if anything I wanted to end up with him.

I only have to let him know who I really am before he decides to marry me.

What I have done in the past is not worthy of mentioning, but with the man I truly loved, I believe he has to know everything.

Dodging him, I passed by his side as I got out of his car. But his hands were quicker and held me by the arm. His grip was gentle and I allowed him to stop me.

'I'm sorry if I was too fast, Yeonssi. I just figured I wanted to settle down with you. We are not getting any younger,' he said. He's got a point. We are adults anyway.

'Seo Jin, please give me some time,' I said as I went away from him, taking his hand off my arm in the gentlest way possible. He did not protest. He allowed me to go in.

When I got in the house, I leaned on the door. Closing my eyes, my tears had a life of its own and poured down like a dam waiting to be unleashed. What I have done in the past was something I wanted to forget now. And I truly wished I haven't done those things that I truly regret doing.

Now that I am learning to love someone truthfully.

The following day, I spotted him outside my house, ready with our routine. But since I wanted to stay away from him for a while, I did not go out, not answer his call. His persistence was something that I love about him, but I don't need any of it now. I wanted to stay away.

'I'm not moving until you tell me we are okay. Please come out,' came his message.

I sighed. 'Seo Jin why are you like this?'

My phone rang and it was him on the other line. I answered his call.

'You know me. You know how I feel about you and ever since I have been very specific about that. But I'm sorry if I did what I did last night. Okay, if you are not comfortable with me asking that, let's not talk about it anymore. Just please come and talk to me?'